Sunday, September 14, 2008

Preparing For The Enterprise Christmas Party

I assemble the senior staff for a meeting. I'm not sure if they are going to like what I tell them.

"Hello everybody." I start, "At this time, we need to make some arrangements for an event coming up soon."

"It's not the Enterprise Christmas Party is it, Captain?" asks Riker.

"I'm afraid it is, Number One." I answer.

A collective groan comes round from everybody, even Data, and he has his emotion chip turned off.

"I thought you liked the party?" I ask them.

"We do." answers Deanna, "But the preparation seems to take forever, and it is only September."

A murmur of agreement trickles around the room.

"Well, it's best if we can sort these things out early." I tell them, "We have to decide how we are going to hold the party. Last year we had it in The Sands holographic nightclub. Now this year, I suggest..."

Seven stands up and interrupts me.

"I know how your party shall take place, Locutus."

Everyone turns round, astonished. Geordi almost wakes up and Worf looks disgusted.

"Indeed?" I ask, "Perhaps you'd care to elaborate on that?"

Seven gets a small disk out and places it in the videoviewer.

"What you are seeing is a recording made by my Cube Leader, Borg Queen 01." she starts, "It was recorded specially for the time the Party was to be discussed so that she could tell you what to do."

A few unprintable comments are made by various members of staff at this time. Ensign Britney releases a few colourful expletives that are hardly Starfleet protocol.

I must say, I agree with her, though!

The screen comes on with a familiar face.

"Greetings Locutus and other Enterprise staff." starts the Borg Queen, "I hope you are well. As my representative Seven of Nine will have informed you, I have instructions for you as to how the Enterprise Christmas Party will be carried out."

"I can't believe her nerve!" comments Deanna.

"You will listen!" Seven snaps back, "Anyone who fails to listen will be assimilated. Now be quiet!"

We carry on listening.

"Earlier this year." the Borg Queen continues, "I had a meeting with the Alpha Borg Queen, who is the Supreme Leader of the Borg race. She was aware of the Party that you had every year, and asked if she could come this year. Naturally, I said you would be very honoured to have a guest...WOULD'NT YOU, LOCUTUS?"

My head falls on the table in shock. Beverly treats me for the bruise I get as we continue to listen.

"So I can see you're excited about that, Locutus." the Queen speaks, "This is what will happen. One of your holodecks will be made to look like a Borg Cube. Our resident group The Strolling Drones will play, Borg will serve meals and drinks while you welcome our Great Leader as a special guest of honour at the party. I will escort her there, and you will greet her. I look forward to seeing you at the party in December."

The picture goes off, and Seven speaks to us.

"There you are, Locutus." she says, "Our Supreme Leader will be visiting a human starship for the first time. It is a great privilege for you. Start preparing for the event."

Seven leaves the room, quite pleased that her message has been delivered.

I, in the meantime, continue to bang my head on the desk.

"There, there, Jean-Luc." Bev says to me quietly, "Perhaps it will all go quite well?"

"I'm sure it will, Beverly" I answer somewhat sarcastically, "The Alpha Borg Queen is likely to assimilate everyone if she doesn't like the vol-au-vants or I put a step wrong if I have to dance with her."

No one can say anything as they agree with me.

What a memorable Christmas Party THIS is going to be!


Editor's Note:

For those who didn't see the answer in my comments in the previous post, the world's longest running police drama is the Scottish series 'Taggart'. It's been going 25 years, and is still called that even though the actor who played the title character died years ago.


Epiphany said...

Well, its nice to know that the disdain for company Christmas party preparation knows no geographical - or galaxy - boundaries.

Let's hope the Borg queen comes down with a mysterious illness and is unable to attend. :)

No_Newz said...

Yeah but you said the "C" word and it's only September. And I thought we were friends. :P

Nepharia said...

Perhaps I can assimilate the Alpha Borg Queen for you. It would be a hell of a fight!

The Real Mother Hen said...

I've started to see Christmas stuff in stores now. So I guess it's time to talk about Christmas party.

Captain don't you worry about that, you're going to charm the Borg Queen I'm sure. Ha :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, Captain! I can't wait until the Christmas Party! Maybe there could be some karaoke. Me, Titiana, you and Riker could sing a little ABBA perhaps? LOL

Bilbo said...

Hmmm...looks like I'll have to start writing earlier than I thought. This ought to be interesting...

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Oh god we're talking Christmas already!!

The Curmudgeon said...

The Alpha Borg Queen has selected the Enterprise Christmas Party as a diplomatic initiative. Hmmmmm. For once, Jean-Luc, you can send memos to Star Fleet and not the other way round....

Jean-Luc Picard said...

To all, it might be very early, but just giving you a little advance notice of the style of the party, which is in a holographic Borg cube with a visit from the supreme leader the Alpha Borg Queen.

Will she put a party hat on? It's up to you all to decide in the entries you send.

Naturally, the Party Invitation won't go out until November, and the Party will be in the first week of December.

Renee, if you want all that, type it in your entry!

No Newz, it's just advance notice. I usually mention it around this time of year according to records.

Amanda said...

Its Christmas Party planning time already?? WOW! This will be a good one with the Alpha Borg Queen attending!

Titania Starlight said...

This is a very stressful development. Christmas is stressful enough without Alpha Borg Queens! Augh!!!!!

Gordon said...

Jean Luc, sorry I think I'm busy that month, yes the whole month I know terribly sorry won't be able to attend.. Borg Queen Alpha well hmm she's would be for sure wanting to assimilate me and then stick me on a cube doing work that the lowly drones would find demeaning yeah she has a subtle dislike to me and I can't think why maybe it's because I said no to her the promptly disappeared down a transwarp conduct blowing it up as I went..

Lahdeedah said...

Umm. I have NOTHING to wear to a borg cube!

PI said...

There should be a law forbidding any mention of the C word before November at the very earliest.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

All right, a Borg party! I hear that the Borg party like it's version

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Don't worry, everybody, the Alpha Borg Queen won't assimilate anyone...unless you refuse to dance the waltz with her.

Ellee Seymour said...

You are always the first to plan your Christmas party captain, we can always rely on you.

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