Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Unimatrix Zero Mayoral Results
Guest Poster: Annika Hansen
After all the Campaigning of shaking hands and kissing babies...or was it the other way around?...it is finally over.
In the subconsious world of Unimatrix Zero, where the true personalities of the people the Borg assimilated can come to light if they have the recessive gene, I have been running for Mayor against my former lover Axum, who ran off with another woman, the awful Vi Toran.
The less said about Axum the better. When I found out he was two-timing me, he was soon ejected from my cave. I think even my Borg counterpart Seven of Nine would be proud of me...if she knew I existed in her mind!
All the citizens are gathering at the Central Plaza in the middle of Unimatrix Zero. They are keen to find out who will be telling them what to do for the next session. I hear that exit polls are close.
Korris, who is my Klingon Campaign Manager stands with me on one side of the stage, while Axum and Vi Toran stand on the other.
"You're going down, Hansen!" she sneers, "My lover Axum will win easily."
"I will be triumphant!" I declare, "The first thing I'll do is make Bajorans pay twice as much tax!"
The two of us get ready to fight, but are pulled back by Korris and Axum.
"Annika." Korris tells me, "The results are to be announced."
The Returning Officer gets up to declare.
I would have thought the authorities would have picked someone better than a Chameloid. They're not exactly good for Unimatrix Zero Television.
"Here are the results of the Unimatrix Zero Mayoral Elections." he declares, "There are twenty-one districts. The candidate who wins the most districts will be judged the winner."
Vi Toran and I continue to stick our tongues out at each other while this is going on.
"Candidate Axum....10 districts." he declares, "Candidate Annika Hansen....10 districts. One district failed to deliver their votes in before the allotted time, so the contest is judged a draw."
"What!!" I shout, "A draw? What happens now? Do we have another vote?"
"No." says the Chameloid, "You and the other candidate must work together as joint Mayors until the term of your office runs out."
"I'm not working with that two-timer!" I state flatly.
"And I'm not working with that woman!" Axum says with equal force.
"You will have to." the Chameloid states, "Or otherwise give up your Mayoral claim."
"Well I'm not!" I shout.
"Neither am !" Axum retorts.
"So be it." the Chameloid concludes, "Unimatrix Zero will be run by two Mayors, Annika Hansen and Axum."
Vi Toran glares at me with venom.
I think the Mayoral tenure is going to be rather stormy.