Sunday, October 28, 2007

Data's Repair

Guest Poster: Data

At the moment, I am in some distress.

Due to a rather awkward crash-landing of the shuttle, caused by the failure of the retro landing gear, I am slowly making my way to a nearby town on the planet Rhysus III.

I expect the Enterprise to rescue me before long, but I need repairing now. The crash landing damaged my left leg and internal systems. When I performed a Level One Diagnostic upon myself, it informed me that I would go into permanant shutdown if the damage was not repaired very soon.

It is fortunate that I do not have my emotion ship turned on right now, otherwise, I would be in a state of 'high panic', as I believe it is called.

I see that the city is not very advanced. This is a concern, as they may not have the capability to deal with an android with positronic bodily problems.

Then I approach a building that may be able to help me.

Sid walks out into the forecourt. He is the technician who has been able to help the Enterprise out with his unorthodox and 20th Century ways. He recognises me.

"Hello mate." he says, "Gordon Bennett! You look worse for wear, Data my old chum. Let's get you into the Body Repair Shop and see what we can do."

"Thank you, Sid." I reply, "I did a Level One Diagnostic and found that the positronic generator is malfunctioning and requires..."

"Yeah, ok." he says , "Well never mind that, get up on the workbench and let's take a look at you."

I lie down on the bench, and Sid gets a spanner and screwdriver out. He starts tapping my leg, arm, chest and head.

"Yeah, well the watchemacallit has gone for a burton, mate." he informs me, "I might have another on the shelf here."

Sid then unscrews my left leg, removes it, and opens up part of my head.

He taps inside lightly with a hammer. My other leg shoots up in the air.

Sid puts my left leg on the bench, gets a chisel, then a hammer. I hear a loud banging. This concerns me.

"Do you think it is wise to use these implements, Sid?" I ask, "They are delicate parts."

"Don't worry, mate, you're in good hands."

Sid brings the leg over and screws it back on; he then taps inside my head again. This time, my left leg rises.

"I'll just put this fuse inside your head, mate." Sid informs me, "You should be ok now."

I perform a Level One Diagnostic to find that I am functioning perfectly.

"Thank you, Sid." I tell him, "I was unaware you had such a knowledge of positronics. Dr Soong would have been proud of you."

"It's nothing, mate." I tells me, "Just a bit of basic engineering that I picked up in the magazine Junior Engineer."

The Enterprise sends a message saying it will be picking me up in an hour. As I leave, Sid tells me he will forward the bill to Starfleet.

"Parts and labour don't come cheap, mate."


Mykol said...

"Parts and labour don't come cheap"

If there's a trade worker shortage now, I can only imagine in the 24 century.

Linda said...

So much for positronics being an advanced science! Glad to hear it all worked out, though!

Titania Starlight said...

When I saw Sid's sign, I broke out laughing and almost spewed my water. I hope he doesn't soak the Enterprise for too much money.

Inertia said...

Heh! repair services don't change in the 31 st century either.

Gordon said...

Hmmm but how long with this "repair" work, I'm betting not long before the leg starts doing strange stuff or data poor boy starts getting "headaches", the Enterprise better get there quick.

Merlyn Gabriel said...

I guess I'd hide when the bill comes in.

Hope that everything works perfectly and there are no issues later on down the road.

Bilbo said...

Now, Sid is my kind of repairman! If you can't fix it with a hammer and a chisel, it can't be fixed!

Lavender said...

ROFL! Sid must be Aussie - they can fix anything by tying it up with fencing wire and banging on it LOL

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Glad you got yourself put together, Data!

The Curmudgeon said...

Data should strongly consider getting a second opinion about the efficacy of his repairs when he returns to the Enterprise. Otherwise, I'm afraid, the Rule of Unintended Consequences is likely to come into play at critical moment.

Anonymous said...

I am totally diggin' Sid's sign! Have a great week.

Jana said...

Interesting how quickly he went from "It's nothing" to "parts and labour don't come cheap."

November Rain said...

OH dear didn't you come with a warranty?

you know letting someone else fix you will void the warranty if so...

maybe I should send my fridge and micro to sid

Ellee said...

Let's hope he has done a good job.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I think Sid forgot to give Data a warranty.

I put 'Sid's Body Shop' in Google, and that picture came up!

Justice said...

too bad Galen wasnt around I bet he could have fixed you and he wouldnt have charged

Shushan said...

ROTFLOL when I saw the picture of Sid's shop!

"the banging was concerning me.." Yep!

Postscript:: Upon leaving the transporter, Data lapsed into repeated left-sided dose dos until turned off. Once repaired again and rebooted, all returned to normal - until the repair bill was refused by Starfleet's insurance as 10x more than 'usual and customary fees' and forwarded the debt in its entirety to Data.

Riker held a poker tournament to cover the expenses. Which worked out well. They had enough left over to hire a Cardassian mercenary to deliver the, personally?



mrsmogul said...

I heard that Robo Engineer magazineis sweeping the nation and blowing Junior Engineer straight out of the newstands.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Sid's itemized bill:

Leg part $1.00
Fuse $1.00

Knowing where to hit leg part and put fuse: $1,000,000.00

Anonymous said...

Gone for a burton...what a funny phrase.


SHI said...

hope the repairs last

November Rain said...

Hmm... I think you should have some check his work

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Check your head for duct tape, Data.

Black Widow said...


Anonymous said...

check his math on the bill too

Ellee said...

I hope you are no longer in distress, Captain.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Jon, you're right. Data wouldn't look good with a roll of duct tape round him.

Vampi, these workers always add on a bit as well.

Lois, 'gone for a burton' is a well known British saying which means that it is a write-off.

Tak, a good itemised bill.

Mrs M, I didn't know that; I hope Sid is reading it.

Shushan, glad you dropped in on my invite. An excellent postscript. Please visit again.

susan said...

Excellent post, yep those garage bills will get you every time. Fortunately we live next door to a mechanic, so we are quite well looked after.

Wyn said...

i know this is a late response, but i love data.

changed the fuse, huh? thank goodness he didn't go to a PC technician.. they would have told him to go reboot himself.

poor data. at least he's all better now. Junior Engineer indeed!

~wyn ^_^

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