Q At The Helm

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Humans are so strange, aren't they?

They never fail to fascinate me with their absurd behaviour in all sorts of situations. The way they react when something happens makes them the peculiar beings that they are.

I decide to visit my old friend Jean-Luc Picard; whenever I do, I can be assured of a good laugh; this I needed, as my colleagues in the Continuum had beaten me at poker again.

Naturally, I like to make an entrance; at the time, Jean-Luc and his cohorts were in full diplomatic uniform meeting some nonentities.

How stuffy; time to liven it up a little.

I changed to uniforms to Mexican ones, put a cigar in their mouths and created a band playing lively music.

Much better! Then I appeared.

"Greetings mon Capitano!", "Your old pal Q thought he'd drop in."

Jean-Luc looked livid; he always tends to put that expression on when I visit him.

"Q!!" he bellowed, "Not now!"

There never seems to be a good time; he always pretends he's doing something important.

"This is very important!" he said, "The Zetek delegation, who are right here, are very formal, and will not tolerate your sort of behaviour. We want them to join the Federation. Now please go away!"

"Oh, Jean-Luc, they are not that important; they need loosening up in their diplomatic skills."

I transform the Zetek uniform into Mexican ones as well.

They look at each other and walk out in disgust.

"Q, you've ruined eighteen months of careful negotiations; do you realise the trouble I'll get into at Starfleet?"

"I'll put in a good word for you, if you like, Jean-Luc."

"You've done enough damage as it is, Q"

That's typical; he's never grateful for all the favours I do him.

It makes me wonder how he gets anything done witrh the crew he has.

Riker has been Commander for so long; he keeps recommending to Starfleet that Jean-Luc gets promoted.

Worf definately has an attitude problem; always the first to show aggression. Typical Klingon; shoot first, ask questions later.

The Betazoid, Troi is a flighty girl; she has Riker, but has moonlight flits to Worf.

That one with the visor, LaForge; no wonder he never gets women when he has one subject matter; engines. Yawn. And what is that jargon, he talks in? Even he probably doesn't know.

Data is a jumble of wires. A mixed-up metal man with an emotion deficit!

Wesley is one that drives me mad; I think he could beat me at poker in the Continuum.

His mother....well, if only Jean-Luc knew about her....she really has the hots for him, as the humans say.

Guinan is a bad one amongst them; I've dealt with her many hundreds of years ago; very tricky.

Well, obviously, Jean-Luc isn't in a party mood.

"Take these Mexican outfits off, Q!" he shouts.

"Oh, very well, mon Capitano."

With a click, the outfits are off.

"Q!!!!" he shouts, "Put our uniforms back on! Don't leave us here naked!"

"You might have said, Jean-Luc."

Time to leave the humans for now Hopefully I'll do better in the poker game after that refreshing visit.