Thursday, August 04, 2005

Morning Conference

It's time for the senior staff Morning Conference.

That's what it's officially called; actually it is unofficially named Gripes & Groans Time. They do the griping and I do the groaning. Usually I get a headache right afterwards.

Why is it all the staff have something to complain about? I have far more to worry or get annoyed about, but can I make a comment?

Not a chance.

All the complaints I have ever made are 'passed forward' to Starfleet Headquarters. They are then mislaid and never heard of again.

Anyway, back to today's conference; I'm already getting a throbbing pain in the back of my head.

LaForge opens up with a thought. It's bound to be about his precious engines.

"About the engines, Captain." he starts.

I told you!

"The performance of them have been wearing down slightly." he continues, "We need new parts for some of it to keep it to optimum efficiency. None seem to have come for some time."

"Can your Engineering staff not keep it going at peak until the parts come?" I ask.

"Err...yes, of course, Captain."

That's the way to win against LaForge; make him think he can't look after the engines.

Beverly pipes up.

"I'm still having a lot of trouble with the Emergency Medical Hologram. Ever since it was fitted, he keeps trying to take over the SickBay and wants me to be the assistant."

"The EMH is just a tool to help you, Dr Crusher. He may be programmed with routines of many different doctors to handle all problems, but he is just an assistant in a crisis when the medical staff need extra help."

"That may be so," says Beverly, "But I caught him singing some opera the other day."

Time for a stress tablet.

Data starts to say something.

"Captain, someone on the ship is playing a vicious trick on me."

"What's that, Data" I groan.

"They are walking up behind me, switching me off and throwing me down the rubbish chute. I am only switched on when the space garbageman collects the debris."

"I'll have Worf and the security team investigate that" I say, while trying to keep a straight face.
Deanna thinks it's her turn.

"Captain, I've been worried about some of the couselling sessions that I've been taking."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, err...they haven't exactly been very complimentary about you. In fact, they've been rather hostile."

"Who are they Counselor. Let's have their names!"

"I can't tell you, Captain; it's Counselor/Patient privilege. But I'll try and encourage them, and show them what a great man you are."

There appears to be a suppressed giggle in the room.

Riker has something to say.

"I think someone has been intruding into Counselor Troi's quarters."

Deanna suddenly coughs.

"While I was away at a Conference, a large hooded figure was seen to walk slowly into her room."

"Were you aware of this, Counselor?" I ask.

"Err...no, they must be mistaken."

"Mr Worf, you and the security team should investigate this."

"Er...I'll take care of this personally, Counselor." Worf says to her.

Did she just wink at him then?

"Captain." says Worf, "I have a complaint of my own.

Not something else?

"There has been some anti-Klingon graffiti in the Enterprise washroom. I believe it was there after we had the visit from the Romulan Ambassador."

"What does it say?"

"It is typical of the Romulans; they have no honour. It says ''How does Worf hold on to the side of a rockface? He 'klings on'".

Worf looks disgusted.

Another supressed giggle in the room.

I take another couple of stress pills.

Morning Conference is over again.

21 comments:

mamasbooties18 said...

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mamasbooties18 said...

new site for me. Please change it. Thanks Leah

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Just keep on popping those stress pills, and it will all be ok.

Stationery Queen said...

meetings are just so pointless, aren't they?

he klings on... *giggle*

Anonymous said...

What is do toilet paper and the original Enterprise have in common?



they both circle Uranus searching for Klingons!

LOLOLOLOL

Superhero Bob said...

Captain - - - try DUCT TAPE.

Shelley said...

Just remember to breathe. I hate meetings. They suck.

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

hope he's got refills on his presciption

Trinity13 said...

Ahhh, what a great joke! Those crazy Romulans!

dddragon said...

Well ... at least Wesley wasn't there!!

nobody said...

Hey, that Klingon joke was pretty funny.

mrsmogul said...

Anti Klingon graffiti! What is that of? Green Klingons with Bling on and hoodies LOL

Leia said...

Forget pills, you'll need needles.

Minerva said...

Dear Captain,
The queen hates meetings so much that she makes everyone stand during the meeting so that they keep it short.
Definitely something that might help the stress levels..
You have been zapped...incidentally, as I like this blog...

Minerva

(added to my LIST...)

InterstellarLass said...

HA HA HA! This post is hilarious! Kling-ons! Just what I needed this afternoon. Thanky Cap'n. :)

-xtessa- said...

ahhh... the EMH and his opera songs. didn't he want to be called Bob or something in Voyager?;)

Angel of Music said...

Careful with the pills... they CAN be addictive! :0P

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Jersay, the Enterprise doesn't have enough stress pills, even for me.

SQ, meetings are indded so pointless; nowadays, people have to have a meeting to decide where meetings will be held.

Ciera, that's good advice.

Shelley, you said it.

Better Safe, I'm going to need a replicator.

Trinity,Rye,InterstellarLass, those Romulans know how to wind up a Klingon.

Dddragon, that would have been two more bottles of stress pills.

Mrs Mogul, this sort of grafitti is all over Romulus.

Princess, I have always been scared of needles!

Great idea, Minerva. I'll remove the chairs next time. Thanks for adding me on.

Xtessa, I believe it was Joe, if you look at the last double length story of 'Voyager'.

Angel, stress pills on the Enterprise are not addictive; they are on general issue to all Captains.

McCoy said...

A quick fix from an old pro
Just open a canister of Laughing gas in the engine room, if it will cure an angry scot with a hang over it will surely make La Forge forget about his litle engine problem, as for the EMH just unplug the darned thing afterall we don't need a computer programming joining the ranks of all those others who argue with my diagnosis,
Counselor Lay off the romulan ale and these halucinations of people having bad thoughts about the captain will disappear. After all no one wants to WALK THE PLANK in deep space now do they.
By The Way Number One you left your cloak in sick bay when you arrived back from the conference earlier than expected and last but not least, Worf needs to find other ways of expressing his human side, the anti KLING ON remarks are getting old. Captain those anti stress pills seem to be working quite well you have an unearthly glow about you these days.

Barbara said...

I got some good chuckles out of these complaints. Very funny.

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