That's what it's officially called; actually it is unofficially named Gripes & Groans Time. They do the griping and I do the groaning. Usually I get a headache right afterwards.
Why is it all the staff have something to complain about? I have far more to worry or get annoyed about, but can I make a comment?
Not a chance.
All the complaints I have ever made are 'passed forward' to Starfleet Headquarters. They are then mislaid and never heard of again.
Anyway, back to today's conference; I'm already getting a throbbing pain in the back of my head.
LaForge opens up with a thought. It's bound to be about his precious engines.
"About the engines, Captain." he starts.
I told you!
"The performance of them have been wearing down slightly." he continues, "We need new parts for some of it to keep it to optimum efficiency. None seem to have come for some time."
"Can your Engineering staff not keep it going at peak until the parts come?" I ask.
"Err...yes, of course, Captain."
That's the way to win against LaForge; make him think he can't look after the engines.
Beverly pipes up.
"I'm still having a lot of trouble with the Emergency Medical Hologram. Ever since it was fitted, he keeps trying to take over the SickBay and wants me to be the assistant."
"The EMH is just a tool to help you, Dr Crusher. He may be programmed with routines of many different doctors to handle all problems, but he is just an assistant in a crisis when the medical staff need extra help."
"That may be so," says Beverly, "But I caught him singing some opera the other day."
Time for a stress tablet.
Data starts to say something.
"Captain, someone on the ship is playing a vicious trick on me."
"What's that, Data" I groan.
"They are walking up behind me, switching me off and throwing me down the rubbish chute. I am only switched on when the space garbageman collects the debris."
"I'll have Worf and the security team investigate that" I say, while trying to keep a straight face.
Deanna thinks it's her turn.
"Captain, I've been worried about some of the couselling sessions that I've been taking."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, err...they haven't exactly been very complimentary about you. In fact, they've been rather hostile."
"Who are they Counselor. Let's have their names!"
"I can't tell you, Captain; it's Counselor/Patient privilege. But I'll try and encourage them, and show them what a great man you are."
There appears to be a suppressed giggle in the room.
Riker has something to say.
"I think someone has been intruding into Counselor Troi's quarters."
Deanna suddenly coughs.
"While I was away at a Conference, a large hooded figure was seen to walk slowly into her room."
"Were you aware of this, Counselor?" I ask.
"Err...no, they must be mistaken."
"Mr Worf, you and the security team should investigate this."
"Er...I'll take care of this personally, Counselor." Worf says to her.
Did she just wink at him then?
"Captain." says Worf, "I have a complaint of my own.
Not something else?
"There has been some anti-Klingon graffiti in the Enterprise washroom. I believe it was there after we had the visit from the Romulan Ambassador."
"What does it say?"
"It is typical of the Romulans; they have no honour. It says ''How does Worf hold on to the side of a rockface? He 'klings on'".
Worf looks disgusted.
Another supressed giggle in the room.I take another couple of stress pills.
Morning Conference is over again.