Monday, August 15, 2005

Engine Chatter

.

Yo! Geordi here for a little serious word or two.

I wanna know one thing, man; why is it the chicks go off me so easily?

I'll tell you what happened to me just yesterday. There I am, chatting up Ensign Joanne Weston, the new kid on the Engineering block during our break in Ten Forward.

Naturally, I've been telling this stunning beaut all about how well I look after the engines and that a warp conduit that I had in reserve managed to give the ship that extra boost it needed a month ago.

She starts looking around the room.

Man! As any guy knows, that's a bad sign when dating a chick. It means she is not interested, and she is saying "No way, Jose'" in all but chatter.

I haven't found the way to Romance City, Arizona, that's for sure.

Another prospective gal bites the dust.

I'll tell you, my track record with babes is distinctly on the low side. I'll say low; it's more like non-existent.

The worst part is that Data gets more women than I do, and he's a machine!

It must be a chatup line he has, or maybe women find it an interesting prospect. I know that many a time he asks me to look after Spot, that cat of his, as he says he has to 'entertain a ladyfriend' in his quarters.

I ask you, man!

All I ever get at night is scratches from Spot.

The one groovy thing I like is the hours of fun from looking around Spare Parts For Starships in the Starfleet Mall.

Man. that's such a hip place, with all those far out parts I would not think of getting normally. Often, I get a whole truckload of extras, charge them to the Main Man's account and beam them up to the Enterprise on a quiet night.

Hey! There's nothing bad about this. What the Main Man doesn't know that is that there would have been a warp core breach on many a time had it not been for the extra plasma relay or conduit that I just happened to have in my bag as a result of shopping.

Without those, we would have been in Core Breach City, singing away with our harps by now.

There's just one great tip always to remember when the Main Man wants something urgent doing: now this is just between you and me. It's Secrecy City, Arizona.

If he says how soon can a job be done, triple the length of the time it will really take. He will halve the time, and when it is actually done, it will seem we have done a miraculous job.

It works everytime, man!

I'm surprised no one has ever spotted it.

Right now, I'm gonna look at the engines, make sure they're A-1, then go and catch some z's.

18 comments:

Superhero Bob said...

Well, Data is programmed with several pleasurable techniques. Have you asked for tips?

nobody said...

If he says how soon can a job be done, triple the length of the time it will really take. He will halve the time, and when it is actually done, it will seem we have done a miraculous job.

That is smart! Good thinking.

Heather said...

Tough luck, man.

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

some women like machines;)

Trinity13 said...

Sounds like you've got all the powerrrrrrrrrrrr Geordi!

War Eagle said...

Geordi, since when are u a jamacia mon. I thought u were born in africa somewhere?

Also, is Weston the hot chick with the black hair that kinda looks like Deanna?

-xtessa- said...

geordi, get your head out of the warp core once in a while... maybe you can snag some ensigns that way.;)

The Fool said...

"If he says how soon can a job be done, triple the length of the time it will really take. He will halve the time, and when it is actually done, it will seem we have done a miraculous job."

That's it! Always always always set the bar of expectations as low as possible. If you then do better than expected you're a hero. It's the only way to go. :)

Shelley said...

"If he says how soon can a job be done, triple the length of the time it will really take. He will halve the time, and when it is actually done, it will seem we have done a miraculous job."

Sounds like a plan to me! Have a great day Geordi. Oh, and you do sound like you're from Jamacia mon!!!

J Anderson said...

Poor Ensign...

Shelley said...

Hey man, how much is gas going for in England anyway? We were complaing about $0.74 per litre not long ago...now it's hard to believe it's up to $1.17/L. Ah...the glory days for Nova Scotia was about 5 years ago...price wars going on...I remember it being like $0.50/L. Ahh...how did that Archie Bunker Theme go.."those were the daaayyyssss!!!" Thanks for dropping by!

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Do you remember those banana clips we used to wear in our hair in the 80's? How come that dude wears one across his eyes? I have always wondered that.

Superhero Bob said...

that's where they got the idea from. one of them was watching his girlfriend put her hair up and the lightbulb turned on. Coulda been a lot worse!

Shelley said...

Oh my god bananna clips. Too funny! That's exactly what Geordi looks like!!!

MommaK said...

I thought the same thing as True. Why can't they come up with a better eye contraption for this guy? I was the queen of banana clips in the late 80's. I guess those will be coming back soon too ;)

Jean-Luc Picard said...

The cost of petrol is over 90p a litre. This would be around $1.60

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Forgot to answer the others. I think Geordi is trying to seem hip in order to attract women, and in doing so comes across as slightly Jamaican.

Ciera, I think it would be too embarrasing for Geordi to ask Data for women tips.

Better Safe, what ARE you inferring!

Jersey, Shelley, MommaK, I think Geordi likes his visor, as he thinks it makes him look cool.

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