One of the things I've learnt over the years is whenever an uncharted planet is located, there is something on it.
And it's hostile.
Still, there I am, forgetting the above, and Deanna, Beverly, Geordi, Worf and myself all go down, with Riker and Data looking after the ship.
Not even a 'spare man'.
'Spare men' are what Away Teams are supposed to take when we visit an unknown place. It is their job to get killed so we can carry on.
We all beam down into a rough terrain; that will do havoc with my Starfleet-issue boots.
Geordi detacts a lifesign, so we all walk towards it.
A giant Yeti-like creature comes out of a cave.
"Greetings Captain Picard and crew of the Enterprise. Welcome to your new home."
Now a statement like that sounds full of trouble.
"How do you know who....." I say.
"Your ship was scanned by me; I know all the details of your crew."
A force field comes up all around us. We cannot contact the Enterprise; we use the phasers against the creature.
About as useful as a chocolate teapot.
"I am Gar, and you will be spending all eternity with me" he says. "I shall provide you with meagre food and you will keep me entertained."
Worf looks very angry; I sense some Klingon-style hostility arising in a moment.
"We shall do nothing of sort." he says, as if he is going to explode with fury.
"Mr Worf, calm down." I whisper, "Let's try and talk to this Gar creature."
"A good idea." says Gar, "You creatures are so fascinating; the last visitors didn't last long; I had to kill them all off. They were also unco-operative"
Not exactly Mr Hospitality, is he?
"Captain.", Deanna whispers,"I sense he is very serious; it's best to stall him while the Enterprise try and rescue us."
"There is no way off this planet.", booms Gar, "Don't consider plotting anything."
It could get rather boring here. The chances of being at the Ten Forward Christmas Party are looking rather slim right now.