Is Anyone There?

.

Hello.

Is anyone out there?

This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager.

We are sending a distress call through a mioroscopic wormhole from the Delta Quadrant. We have no idea where or when this will appear, but we hope someone will see it and send help.

At the moment, we are 70,000 light years from home, and it will take us about 70 years to reach home, even travelling at maximum warp.

All right, I know you must be having a good laugh back at Starfleet, saying to yourself, "Janeway's got lost again!"

So I'm not too good with directions; everybody at the Academy knew it wasn't my strongest point. But it really wasn't the reason we are here. We got dragged by The Caretaker when we were in The Badlands...oh, it's a long story, I don't want to go into it now.

I'm just trying to sent this message with a few comments.

We've had to join forces with the Maqis ship we went after. Some of them are a bit hot tempered, like B'Elanna Torres; honestly, you can't ask her if she's had a good day without her biting your nose off. She's so aggressive, I think she will.

Chakotay is alright as a First Officer, but sometimes I catch him trying on his old Maqis outfit, as he looks longingly at it often.

Tuvok keeps giving me sagely advice as if he lives on the top of the mountain.

Harry Kim is Mr Optimistic, with his "We're gonna get home!!" every time a slight opportunity comes up. I could clout him!

Tom Paris lives in a fantasy land. He keeps telling the rest of the crew, "Call me Captain Proton."

Neelix & Kes, the two aliens we picked up are operating a smuggling racket, I think, with all the goods that seem to turn up. He knows a few dodgy characters out here.

As for medical assistance; all we have is a hologram! The EMH has a very superior attitude and talks down to patients. Occasionally, he bursts into opera songs, which is very disconcerting when he's operating on someone.

Are all the EMHs like this, or did we get a duff one fitted in?

Seska looks a little weird, too; there's something not quite right about her.

Anyway, before I go, there are a few important messages I need to give to those at home.

1: Cancel the milk deliveries. I can see that the milk is simply going to pile up outside the apartment.

2: Cancel my delivery of "Starfleet Times". The news in it will be pretty old by the time we get back, and the bill will be high.

3: Take my library book, "Reading Starcharts For Beginners." back. The fine I'd have to pay would be colossal.
-----------

I guess that's it. Please try to help us; 70 years with this lot is more than anyone can stand.