Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Filming On The Enterprise (Part Two)



Guest Poster: Seven Of Nine

At this moment on the Enterprise, many of the crew are annoyed, including Locutus, as a film crew have come on board to record the activities and do interviews with some staff to be kept for posterity.

The director is a strange individual named Steve Spolberg; with him is a slovenly group of individuals.

------------

I have been summoned to attend a meeting a holodeck. There, I find Spolberg and the crew, and sitting with them is T'Pol and Ensign Britney.



"What is going on here?" I ask acidly.

"Ah, Seven Of Nine!" Spolberg comments, "Please sit down next to the other women and we can start."

"Start what?" T'Pol asks him.

"Well, Ladies." Spolberg answers, "I thought I'd do this special interview with you three, as you are all 'rebels' on the Enterprise. After all, none of you are typical Starfleet members, nor wear their uniforms."

"I am a member of the Terran Empire!" T'Pol declares forcibly.

"I am Borg!" I answer.

"...And I'm err....Britney." Ensign Britney answers as she starts on some more chewing gum and reties her Dr Martens boots.

"Exactly!" Spolberg tells us, "We want viewpoints from you three."

He then whispers to his crew, "Besides, they are good eye-candy."

"What is 'eye-candy'?" I ask him.

Solberg chooses noy to answer; slightly disoriented, he starts with me.

"Now Seven Of Nine, you were put on the Enterprise to study human behaviour for the Borg Queen. In turn she agreed not to assimilate the members of the crew while you were on board. What have you learnt about humans so far."

"That they ought to be assimilated right away." I answer sharply, "Resistance is futile. We are Borg."

"Err..yes, Seven." Spolberg continues, "Now do you think it would be possible to get an interview with the Borg Queen? I'm sure it would be an excellent addition to the film."

"I'm sure she would agree if you could be assimilated in return."

The film crew laugh and shout "Go for it, Steve!"

"Maybe it's not such a good idea after all." he answers, "Thank you, Seven."

He turns his attention to T'Pol.



"Get shots of the midriff, boys." Spolberg whispers to the crew so I can bearly hear him.

"Now then, T'Pol." he asks, "Your wear a very different uniform because you come from the parallel universe of more than 200 years ago. Is that right?"

"YOU are the parallel universe!" she snaps, "The Terran Empire of my universe is how things really are. This Federation is just a poor reflection."

"There was a T'Pol in this universe as well, at that time." Spolberg reminds her.

"A Vulcan with no spirit!" she comments dismissibly.

"Have you made any friends since you've been here, T'Pol."

"Just one." she replies, "My soulsistah Britney here!"

The two of them do that strange high-five action that I have yet to understand.

Spolberg moves on to Britney.

"Now then, Ensign Britney." he continues, "You've had a tough time with discipline on the ship, haven't you? It seems you've been in the brig more than you've been out of it."

Britney

"Guess so." answers Britney economically.

"Why do you think that is?" Spolberg asks.

"People from the planet Delta are free thinkers." she says, lying back in her chair, "The rules on a starship are very stifling.I don't like conforming."

She blows a bubble with a chewing gum.

Personally, I do not care for Britney. She needs the strict rules of the Borg to put her right. What I am concerned is that if we ever assimilated her, her thoughts might do untold damage to the Collective Hive Mind.

She stands up.

"Well, it's getting boring here." Britney continues, and looks at T'Pol, "I'm outta here. Sistah, are you coming with me? The Enterprise Cinema is showing The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I just fancy doing The Time Warp. Seven? Do you wanna come along as well?"

"What is The Time Warp?" I ask.

"You'll find out." she answers, and the three of us walk out, leaving Spolberg and his crew with no one to talk to.

To be continued...

24 comments:

Ellee Seymour said...

The Time Warp is one of my favourite dances, I have danced it in one of our local shows.

Nepharia said...

"The Rocky Horror Picture Show"? Would *love* to see who shows up in drag to that one.

Linda said...

"It's just a jump to the left.
And then a step to the right.
With your hands on your hips.
You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again."

Best served up with Meatloaf if I remember correctly!

SQT said...

Britney doing the "time-warp?"

*shudder*

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Wow, T'Pol must do like a hundred sit ups a day.

mrsmogul said...

isn't the time warp part of the Rocky Horror show?

Titania Starlight said...

Seven of Nine is going to regret this one! I almost feel sorry for her.

Monica said...

Niiiiiice!

My hubby is so "in love" with T-Pol. I can't say I blame him!

:)

Great Post Jean-Luc!

Monica

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I knew ensign britney would make this documentary lively :)

Jana said...

Seven, whatever you do, don't assimilate Britney! She's far too valuable to the Federation!

The Curmudgeon said...

I never realized that Britney could undermine the whole Borg civilization -- although I guess I should have. She's certainly doing a job on ours.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Mrs M, yes 'the time warp' is the classic dance in 'The Rocky Horror Show''

For everybody's information, I have been to this show, but wearing a white doctor's outfit, not the suspenders regalia.

Hotstuff said...

I suppose Seven and Sky will now be seen assimilating and terminate 'The Rocky Horror Show''goers

Michael Manning said...

How I laughed at the 'New' "Ensign Britney". I say "Ensign Baldy". How funny! My first laugh of the day!!!

Dr Katelyn Shane Basil said...

I wonder what Seven will do?

Gordon said...

Oh Boy Seven of Nine doing the Time Warp should be funny, if ONLY she'd kept quiet about the "assimulation" in return, it could have work out quite nicely, i mean I'm sure there must be a cube somewhere that needs some the bodies for "processing power" rather than actual knowledge gain..
I still say the 3 of them jump the film crew and toss Spolberg out an Airlock just to show him the close effects of deep space on the body..

Merlyn Gabriel said...

Rocky Horror.... seven of nine.... call me crazy but that might almost work!

Amanda said...

HAHA! I'd love to see seven of nine doing the Time Warp! This film crew is really shaking things up on the Enterprise.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I think Seven of Nine doing 'The Time Warp' is best left in the imaginations of the readers!

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