Sunday, January 27, 2008

Filming On The Enterprise (Part One)

"You cannot be serious, sir?" I say increduously, "It will never work."

"I am and it will." replies Admiral Hollister on my videoscreen.

"The crew won't like it." I warn him.

"You can tell them that the Federation President has authorised it." Hollister reminds me, "He wants the actives lives of the flagship of the fleet recorded, with interviews. It is to be preserved for posterity. Count yourself lucky that it's you, Picard."

"Yes." I reply withb a sarcastic tone, "Lucky me."

-----------

A few hours later, we are in the transporter room, about to welcome the film crew and the director on board. I can tell there are a few rumblings of discontent.

"Now I can tell you're unhappy about this." I say, "But we can't argue against it, so let's just make the best of it all and go with the situation."

As I finish that, the film crew appear, led by a very strange looking individual.



He takes a look around the transporter room, casts his eye at each of us, then turns round to address the film crew he has.

"Boys, it looks like a great set-up here." he starts, "We can get some good interior shots in this place, and the crew look ideal for a few interviews. Take a look at the Klingon and the surly Vulcan. They'll get a few laughs."

Worf and T'Pol start to fume.

I move forward to welcome him.

"Hey, you must be Jean the Captain." he says, "I'm Steven Spolberg, the famous movie director. Perhaps you've heard of me?"

"No I haven't." I tell him flatly, "My name is Jean-Luc Picard. You will address me as Captain Picard or just Captain."

"Sure." Spolberg replies, "I didn't know you were Belgian."

This causes my temperature to rise to boiling point, but Deanna wisely steps in to diplomatically diffuse the situation.

"I'm Deanna Troi, the ship's Counselor." she tells them, "Whenever you like, I'll be happy to take you on a guided tour of the Enterprise."

"Wow!" exclaims Spolberg to the crew, "Now that's a good looking girl. We'll have to make sure we get plenty of shots with her in!"

Deanna moves forward and slaps Spolberg on the face, just before Riker was going to do something nastier.



"I am not here to be ogled at by your cameras!" she declares, "I am a respected member of this crew, and you will treat me as such. I was not put on the ship to glamourise your film."

With that, the Betazoid storms off in a huff. The film crew are happy that they managed to capture the entire altercation in their cameras.

"That incident was worth the slap on the face, boys." Spolberg tells them.

Spolberg has only been on the ship a few moments, and already he has caused a near riot. At this rate, he'll be the most unpopular person on the ship since Q made our clothes vanish during Admiral Lancaster's visit.

To be continued...

20 comments:

caspar said...

Well....This was fun, in a somewhat askew sort of way. I imagine the inside jokes are funny to those inside. Michele sent me to.......(insert cosmic reference point of your choice here).

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I bet Ensign Britney is going to have a field day with this :)

Michael Manning said...

Captain: I'd have them sign a contract. Director Spolberg's photo reminded me a bit of Mike Myers from "Waynes World". Don't let them out of your sight!

The Curmudgeon said...

Insist that Spolberg and Company try out the Shakespeare program on the Holodeck....

coin blogger said...

i can't imagine there is much of an audience for such a premise as the happenings surrounding the fleet of a 24th century starship!

Amanda said...

This is going to be funny! Doesn't the Enterprise deserve a better directer than Spolberg? Maybe some documentarian instead?

Ellee Seymour said...

I hope they all behave themselves and don't show you up.

SHI said...

Wow A film staring the crew.. He will he be filming your blog entries too?


or interviewing some of the regular guests?

November Rain said...

wow a movie remember to say hi to me in the camera :P

Gordon said...

Hmm all I have to say is Ensign britney, T'Pol, the film crew and an airlock I'm sure you can make it look very convincing as a total accident.. or let me see have the recorder take a tour of engineering and em pulse should wipe it's core enough or encrypt all their data communications without them knowing in random jibber code, or just let riker and worf near 'em should be enough...

Jana said...

Belgian? Wow, that's awfully close to a nasty word. Of course, I guess in film you can say words like that and get away with it. Reminds me of when a drunk guy in the London Underground called me Canadian.

Titania Starlight said...

Now this could get very interesting... quick!!! :o)

Nepharia said...

Sounds more like they are filming for an MTV reality show. I'd proceed with caution.

Vella said...

Hmm sounds like one of those reality shows Daddy used to be on.

Hotstuff said...

just tell tell them all to set up in a holo of your ready room
then tell worf they insulted his honor walk out and look the other way


then tell Starfleet they all died as a tragic *cough* holo deck accident (afte all we do know how unstable they are)

Jean-Luc Picard said...

You are all warped (no pun intended) with your suggestions on what to do with Spolberg. As you see, Seven, T'Pol & Britney are in Part Two.

Linda said...

Perhaps a better director would have been George Lucutis or whatever the name was of that intergalatic director that did such great films as "Star Bores: The Empire Sits Back"; "Universal Graffiti", and "Traders of the Last Quark" ...

Merlyn Gabriel said...

ooooh filming... How exciting!!!!

ROTFL the empire sits back...

dragonflyfilly said...

wow, that is a really young-looking Deanna!

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