Thursday, March 22, 2007

Seven's Message To The Borg Queen



Guest Poster: Seven Of Nine

My Supreme Queen,

This is your servant Seven of Nine sending you another message from the USS Enterprise; I am updating you on the latest events that are going on.

It is a pleasure serving you as a representative, giving you an insight into human behaviour. I shall be honoured when you place me on the Voyager in the Delta Quadrant. Captain Kathryn Janeway sounds quite challenge.

The humans here forever look for something new to occupy their mundane lives; a holographic night club entertainer has been placed with them; he operates in the style they did four centuries ago. Why do they look to the past? They will find out that Borg singers are far better than holographic ones when we assimilate them all.

The Borg are supreme!

Not only that, Locutus and his crew insist on creating their own problems. A Deltan woman has been bought on the ship named Ensign Britney. She causes trouble frequently, and is often in the brig. This is what Locutus told me a few hours ago....

--------------

"I'd like to have a word with you, Seven." Locutus says quietly, and calls me into his ready room.

"What is it, Locutus?" I ask him.

He looks slightly strained when I say 'Locutus, but nevertheless carries on.

"You may be aware that we've had Ensign Britney with us a little while now." he tells me, "And despite our best efforts, she has been very troublesome; she chews gum, is disruptive and therefore is in the brig a lot. We feel she needs a firm hand to guide her and stop her straying off."

"You wish me to assimilate her, Locutus?" I ask.

He looks panic stricken, and nearly falls off his chair.

"No!" he tells me clearly, "Just keep her firm, and don't let her do anything wrong."

"Very well, Locutus" I tell him, and go to find Britney, who is in Engineering.



She appears to be wrecking an ancient method of transport with a strange device. I approach her.

"Please refrain from doing that, Ensign Britney" I tell her, and remove the device from her hands, "I wish to be your friend."

"But you're a Borg drone!" she exclains, "The only friend I had was Cadet Lindsay, and she's still in the Academy."

"You miss her?" I ask.

"Yeah." she tells me.

I walk up to her and whisper in her ear.

"If the Borg assimilate you and we do the same with Lindsay" I tell her, "You can be friends for a very long time...you'll have billions of friends."

She looks panic stricken.

"Oh sure, you can be my friend" she says quickly, "I'm sure we will get on well on the Enterprise."

--------------

And that's how it ended, my Queen. One thing, I must say. When we come to assimilate the Enterprise, I recommend we leave Ensign Britney out. Having her thoughts in the Hive Mind could well destroy the fabric of Borg society.

Until my next message, my Queen,

I leave you, your dutiful servant,

Seven of Nine

33 comments:

Jana said...

Wow, even the Borg don't want Britney. That's pretty bad.

Kønig Hasemörder said...

I bet 7/9 doesn't fear Ensign Britney destroying the hive mind. I think she sees that strange Human as a threat. Ensign Britney is very influential to collectives.

Gyrobo said...

Are you sure she's not a Kazon?

craziequeen said...

Good detailed report there, Seven. And Ensign Britney already has a bald head, so she's ripe for implants........

The Queen must be very proud....

:-)

cq

Merlyn Gabriel said...

well... seven has a way with people that's for sure.

Someone should tell Britney that umbrellas are not for bashing cars!

cheers
merly

Elle Fredrix said...

When we come to assimilate the Enterprise, I recommend we leave Ensign Britney out. Having her thoughts in the Hive Mind could well destroy the fabric of Borg society.

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant.

Thanks for dropping by my blog!

Linda said...

Now it's pretty bad when even the Borg don't want you!

The Curmudgeon said...

Ensign Britney will be so hurt if this letter ever comes to light -- I mean, she offered to be Seven's friend and now Seven doesn't even want to assimilate her.

I'm afraid that this might throw poor Ensign Britney right off balance....

Oh, wait. Never mind.

Jaime H. said...

*random comment* Did you know it's Captain Kirk's birthday today?

Mykol said...

Hmmm, maybe the borg SHOULD assimilate Ensign Britney. Then she won't be annoying the Captain and the vorg will be brought to their knees.

Mykol said...

uh, spelling error. borg instead of vorg.

Don't assimilate me for the spelling error!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Nope...no one wants Brit.

Titania Starlight said...

What a wise Queen. I agree with her decision. She is a most disruptive child to humans also. :o)~

Barbara said...

Dear Borg Queen: Please take Britney. Thank you! xo

WindWhisperer said...

Maybe Britney could replace Vic Fontaine as the lounge act for a while until she sorts herself out...it might add a sense of purpose to her presence on the Enterprise and keep her out of trouble (if that's even possible).

cooltopten said...

Poor brit ,Even the borg dont want her :/

mrsmogul said...

I hear that DATA is now into Britney and just sent her a case of libations!

DariDonovan said...

She is just scarey looking, ewwwww. Have a great weekend.

surcie said...

Lovely, isn't she?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Poor Britney! It does seem like no one wants her.

Gyrobo, Ensign Britney is from the planet Delta, where they all have a lack of hair.

Windwhiaperer, do you think Britney would make a good lounge act? If the Enterprise wants someone like the Sex Pistols, she'd be the one.

Britney is lucky that she has been barred from assimilation!

PI said...

Poor Britn;;ey! She used to be such a pretty girl. Perhaps a trip on the ship will do the trick and you can knock some sense in her.

Free to Be said...

Hi Captain!

Kelly said...

She's alread a little borgish looking...sure you don't want her Seven?

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hi captain! having fun here? the chocolate fountain awaits you in the atruim....

smiles, bee

kenju said...

Jean-Luc, the thought of Britney on the Enterprise scares even me!

Michele sent me.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

EMH is programmed for psychiatry, right? Can you lock EMH and Brittney in a room until she's cured?

Vid Digger said...

"She appears to be wrecking an ancient method of transport with a strange device." LMAO!

This post made my night!

Seven of Nine, you should seriously reconsider Britney. Think of the havok she could unleash on the Enterprise from within!

Nic said...

Leave it to Seven to be the one to put Ensign Britney somewhat under control. Who knew how well being subtle could work? Or backfire if EB gets over her shock and decides to include Seven in several mishaps on board, allowing a small crack in the Borg control over her mind to occur from the stress, thus allowing Seven to start to remember bits and pieces of her life as a human. Hmmmmmmm. Methinks that Seven might be in for a bumpy ride regardless!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Bee, Deanna is the real chocolate expert on the Enterprise.

Jon, putting the EMH in the same room as Ensign Britney is too cruel to the EMH.

Nic, you make a lot of good points there. I think Seven might have here work cut out monitoring Britney.

David said...

nice action photography, i wish we had video?? nice legs though!

Carmi said...

I recommend we never allow Ensign Britney into the engineering spaces again. Such a risk...what if she leaves her knickers in her cabin?

Oracle said...

lol

Ensign Britney needs more than Borg help ;)

Very funny indeed

Here Via Michele's

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