Tuesday, March 06, 2007

To Be Or Not To Be?

I'm talking with Admiral Lancaster, head of Starfleet Media Group.

"I can't believe what you just told me, Admiral." I say despairingly.

"Look, Captain, Picard." he replies, "There's nothing to it, the production team want you to appear on the children's telecast show Sesame Planet."

I know I'm not going to be able to get out of this, but I protest anyway, hoping that Lancaster will be able to see reason.

"I'm not really very good with children." I tell him, "Perhaps Counselor Troi would be better suited for the role?"

"Sorry, Captain." Lancaster informs me, "The producers told me they wanted the Captain of the Enterprise on this. You're quite a hero to children; did you know that? Captain Picard dolls sell tenfold over the others in the shops. A child can press a button and the doll says "Make it so." or "Engage" when they do."

To think I'm a doll in a toyshop. The indignity of it.

At least they sell more than a Riker doll.

"All right." I tell him, "I'll go down and do it."


A few hours later, I'm in the Sesame Planet studio; I'm introduced to a man named Howard. He wears glasses and carries a clipboard. He looks at me.

"You must be today's guest, Lieutenant Pyecard." he tells me.

"Actually, it's Captain Jean-Luc Picard." I tell him in a correcting manner.

"Is it?" Howard looks baffled, "Communications are useless in this place. Alright, Captain. Davinia over there has got a yellow monkey suit over there. Put it on and we'll be ready to go."

"Excuse me?" I tell him indignantly.

"Just put the yellow monkey suit on and you can join the others in the studio jungle."

"I'm not doing that!" I shout, "I'm the Captain of a galaxy-class Starfleet vessel, and am not going to be reduced to wearing a monkey suit for the benefit of children!"

Howard starts looking extremely stressed, and says a few things to himself.

"I want to speak to the director, Howard!" I tell him.

"Johnny!" Howard shouts into a microphone, "The guest is not going along with the script, and wants to talk to you."

A man comes down; he looks as stressed as Howard.

"Look, Captain." he pleads, "I'm Johnny the director. Can't you go along with this?"

"No, Johnny." I tell him, "It's not the sort of thing a Starfleet Officer should do. Can't I teach them some Shakespeare?"

Johhny and Howard groan.

"Captain, these are little children." Johnny comments, "Shakespeare is hardly for them."

"I think I can make it suitable." I say with a smile, "Let me get my Hamlet costume from the Enterprise Theatrical Department."


A few minutes later, I am back wearing my costume.

"Let's make it so."

At least I have a little dignity there.

"That was great, Captain." says Howard, "Although I still think you would have done well in the yellow monkey suit."


Authors Note: I am indebted to Jaime for coming up with the film. Apologies that the quality is not 100%. It did come from the 24th Century!


Linda said...

Bravo! Bravo Captain!

Verily thou werst wonderful in thine roll! Or something like that ...

Kønig Hasemörder said...


I couldn't agree with you more. DATA informed me that if you rotate the capitol B to the right 90 degrees, it then looks like boobies. Similar to the strait back but better.

Anonymous said...

BBBravo Jean-Luc! I give that 5 out of 5 BBBrilliance lemons! Hamlet does BBBecome you! You are most BBBrave to challenge those that would not see this fit for children!

Local Henchmen 432 said...

Well done good sir.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

That was beautiful, Captain. Though I must admit that I would never have thought that I would hear you say "rekon." Not that there's anything wrong with it, it's a perfectly cromulent word.

Titania Starlight said...

What a brilliant performance. Glad you stuck to your guns and did not succumb to wearing a demented Big Bird reject costume. The indignity!


That was great. Sesame planet. That is something. I was very amused with the video. "B or not a B"
Thanks for the visit.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Was that from Bamlet or Bomeo and Buliet?

Barbara said...

You always wanted to do Shakespeare

Mykol said...

That was most fascinating my dear captain.

Shelley said...

Here from the Blog Party...an interesting blog you all have here! I really enjoyed the post about the party a few posts back.

Mykol said...

I was looking at some olde posts and Im wondering if you put up your first post on April 30th 2005.


exskindiver said...

after that steely resolve to abstain from such mascotry-- i am compelled to ask:
what must one do to have a private audience with the captain?
how does one gain access to the enterprise?
clearly there is much wisdom to be gained if by chance this is made possible.

Darth Nepharia said...

No, I don't think the yellow monkey suit would have been appropriate.

susan said...

Well done Jean Luc.

Oh I seem to have solved the 24th C blogging problems. I had to make another Blog ger account!

And things have moved along with my usual blog, and I'm at this address permanently.


Nic said...

Absolutely BRILLIANT, my dear Captain! Just fabulous. :)

Merlyn Gabriel said...

whooo Captain, that's just hot!

Say, when you start selling vowels let me know...


The Curmudgeon said...

Dignity, always dignity!

Ellee said...

Actually, the quality was excellent, well done to Jamie.

Paperback Writer said...

That was wonderful!

Steffy said...

Captain, bravo! But I think I may even be fonder of this appearance on Sesame Planet:

Archivarian (An Archival & Library Mistress) said...

Smashing performance Jean-Luc! Good to know that Sesame Planet still offers quality content.

Kookaburra199 said...

Mr. Picard I invite u to a grand Main Event ParT I am having on MARCH 10TH! ;)

squirrel said...

Brava Captain! All children should be introduced to Shakespeare!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Thanks for all your appreciation. I knew I had to put that up when I saw it.

Steffy, I'll go take a look.

Susan, actually I have 25 Blogger (Google) Accounts!

Kookaburra, I'll look as well.

Anonymous said...

At long last, the new contest is up! Get on over and enter, lol.

Carol said...

That was excellent!

Thanks for visiting my blog! :)

Jana said...

Beautiful! I'm sure the children will never forget the letter B again.

Jaime H. said...

Captain, you are a man of many talents.


Synth-Lin said...


That was such a great piece.

I really loved it.

By the way the plan has all gone to pot. Ivy left and I have to work out how to stop that nuclear power plant from being built.

Love you all


PS Hope I'm included in you list of recent visitors.

Professor Xavier said...

Howard isn't, by any chance, a duck, is he?

iamnasra said...

just quick hallo

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Professor, Howard the duck would have been a better producer.

Dari, will look at the contest when I can.

We have all learnt about B!

[eric] said...

Brilliant performance Captain!

I await your eventual interpretation of "Romeo and Juliet" with Miss Piggy.

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