Paintball

I'm curreently on Taxa V, a jungle-like planet where I and the other senior staff are playing Paintball.

This is something that has been encouraged by the Starfleet hierarchy so that crews can 'bond together' and be more of a team.

What tosh.

We each have 24th Century style paintguns and are creeping around the jungle hoping to cover each other with paint. The last one remaining will be the winner, and will get an extra day's vacation this year.

I don't intend to get paint on my uniform, and I want that day's vacation.

Listening, I hear a Klingon voice talking.

"I'm sorry, Mr LaForge." says Worf, "You have been painted and are therefore eliminated from this competition.

That's one gone, then; I sneak up behind Worf and cover him with paint from my gun. He mutters a few Klingon expletives and says it was not honourable for a warrior to sneak up behind an opponent.

How sneaky; I can't see this competition 'bonding people'.

Further into the jungle; more voices. Riker and Deanna.

"Look Deanna" says Riker, "If we team up, we can eliminate everybody else together. One of us would get the free vacation day and the other would go with them."

Typical Riker; doing things behind my back.

"Great idea, Will." replies Deanna, and promptly sprays him with paint before he can reply. That's Deanna for you.

I go to spray her, but disappears swiftly. I follow her. That Betazoid is going to get covered in paint.

More voices; it's Jadzia talking to Deanna.

"Time for a showdown, Troi!" shouts Jadzia, "Go for your Paintball gun." It sounds like they are in the Wild West.

Deanna is the slow one and gets covered in a paint that will be hard to remove. Jadzia is gleeful and laughs.

"Sorry to spoil your enjoyment, Jadzia" I tell her, before giving her the paint treatment.

The senior staff are being eliminated; I've still got a clean uniform on.

Where are the others? Suddenly another voice; then another. Seven and Data.

"Resistance is futile!" Seven tells him, "I was the Borg Paintball Champion on Unimatrix 01. I always beat the Borg Queen and the other drones. Stand by to be painted."

"That may be so, Seven." Data informs her, "My creator, Dr Noonian Soong, happened to install a Paintball Professional chip in me. I am undefeated."

The two shoot their guns together and both are covered in paint; nothing for me to do.

Now let's see; who is left?

Why is my uniform covered in paint? Someone has just fired a gun on me.

"Sorry about that, Jean-Luc" says Beverly, "I needed that extra day to see Wes. I'll take your uniform to the laundry and get it cleaned."

"I'd rather lose to you, Beverly than anyone else." I tell her.

We smile; I kiss her.

I guess Paintball DOES bond people together, after all.