Flower Arranging

I knew it was never going to be popular, and that I was going to get the blame.

'Shoot the messenger' is always the reaction.

However, in another dopey Starfleet directive, senior staff have to learn flower arranging in order to relieve the stress that they face each day.

To say the least, the announcement didn't go down too well.

"I am a Klingon warrior, not a flower arranger!" was the reaction from Worf.

Nonetheless, we all turn up for Flower Arranging class. A scatty woman is there.

"Hello" she says, "I am Victoria, and I will be your tutor for the class."

Worf mutters a few Klingon expletives under his breath that I can't possibly repeat. Seven looks annoyed as well.

"It is little wonder that the Borg are supreme." she says, "When our opponents are interesting in arranging flowers."

"I'm sure Annika Hansen liked flowers as a little girl." I say to her. Bad mistake.

"That is irrelevant!" she snaps, "We are Borg!"

"Now, then class" continues Victoria, "Can we get on with the lesson?"

We each have a pile of flowers in front of us and a vase, and we are told to put them in after the basic lesson we have had."

"How this will help us in times of battle, I fail to see." mumbles Worf.

"Mr Worf," says Victoria, "Your mind will be eased and in better condition to face them. The stress of the day will be behind you."

"The great Klingon warrior Kahless hardly needed to learn flower arranging to go on his battles."

"He might have killed a few more if he had" replies Victoria with a smile.

A few moments elapse while we work away at our flowers.

"Time's up!" Victoria announces. "I'll come and inspect your efforts."

She comes to mine first.

"Oh, dear, Captain." Victoria says sadly, "I thought you might do a little better. They are all over the place. You need to work harder."

Then to Riker.

"Not bad, Commander." she comments, "You should have remembered that the Kvazian Pink Lily is meant to be placed upside down."

Then to Data.

"Rather disappointing, Mr Data." she tells him, "I thought you might have better knowledge of flowers."

"I did not have time to download a flower arranging program into my positronic brain." he replies.

Then to Geordi.

"You have a good style, Mr LaForge." she notes, "Fairly promising."

Then to Beverly.

"That is rather inept, Doctor Crusher." she tells her sharply, "You have absolutely no talent in flower arranging whatsoever."

Beverly bursts into tears. I console her as she weeps on my shoulder.

"I think that was a little strong, Victoria." I say.

Then to Jadzia.

"You have a good way with flowers, Miss Dax." she says, "Though I've never seen a Garanian Flower twisted in that way before."

Then to Worf,

"What a wonderful design, Mr Worf" she comments, "If I didn't know better, I would say you've always been an expert at fllower arranging."

Worf goes red-faced and mutters.

Finally, Victoria goes to Seven.

"This is absolutely stunning!" she says, "I've never seen such a beautiful arrangement as this in all my years! They way you combine the Tarbatian Dragon Flower with the Vitawan Orchid is amazing!"

Seven remains unintersted.

"Well done, Seven" I tell her, "How did you learn such a technique?"

"From a race that we assimilated." she says.

"Does that mean the Borg are expert flower arrangers?" laughs Riker.

Seven looks disgusted.

"Flower arranging is irrelevent!" she tells us, before walking out.