Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Upgrading



Since Seven Of Nine was put on the Enterprise by the Borg Queen to study behaviour patterns by unassimilated people, I have felt very threatened.

I believe she she sees me as a potential target for her race.

-------------

I walk down the corridor on Deck 5; unfortunately, coming the other way is Seven.

"You!" she says, "The construction of you is fascinating. I will get a lot of brownie points from the Borg Queen when I return with you to Unimatrix 01."

"Thank you, Seven" I reply, "But I have no wish to join you with the Borg. We should go our separate ways when the time comes for you to be collected."

"We are the Borg!" she shouted, "You will come with me when I say so; resistance is futile!"

Jennifer Baxter appears on the scene. She is my girlfriend.

"What is going on here?" she exclaims, "What is this glorified one-eyed tin can doing shouting at you, dear Data?"

"Seven would like me to go with her to the Borg Cube when the Borg Queen comes to collect her, Jennifer,"

"Yes" says Seven, "His componants would be very useful to us. We haven't had a decent upgrade since Windows 2352 was installed."

"Oh, they would, would they?" Jennifer replies angrily, "Well listen to this, chalkhead; Data stays with me, here on the Enterprise. Do you want to make something of it?"

"You will be one of the first creatures we assimilate!" declares Seven, "I am slowly making a list of all those I want to put first into the Assimilation Chamber. You will be on it, Baxter!"

As the two start to exchange blows, I try to separate them. I see Captain Picard approach, but notice he groans and shakes his head. He turns round and goes back as if he does not want to get involved.

I go in to separate the two women, but everything suddenly stops.

------------------

I am up again, and my internal chronometer tells me that 25 minutes have elapsed. Jennifer is next to me. Her hair is a mess, she has a black eye and a scratch on her cheek.

"Sorry to switch you off, Data." she says, "But this was something you didn't wanted intervene on. It was a matter between two women."

"Where is Seven?" I ask.

"Currently in SickBay being repaired by Beverly" she replies, "I managed to tear at some of her wires which did her a little damage. Actually, I've done her a favour."

"What do you mean, Jennifer?"

"She has learnt a little about behaviour patterns; don't mess with an angry woman who protects her boyfriend."

She kisses me.

I believe I have learnt something as well; do not intervene between two ladies who dislike each other.

32 comments:

Osquer said...

Data has learned a valuable lesson. Never get in the middle of a cat fight!

Master Yoda said...

Ever make it as a security person on the Jerry Springer show, Data would not!

heather said...

nice! and, i would've thought the borg would run on linux. then again, they probably just assimilated all the windows engineers...

Merlyn Gabriel said...

Guri could whip Seven's ass without even blinking.

palace or ship politics, its all the same ship board / inter palace romances are bad all around.

:)

cheers
Merly

mrsmogul said...

He probaby would like it if the two women kissed :)

SO it would be X Rata Data (sorry bad joke!)

Meow said...

Glad your blog is back ... I was worried when I couldn't view it yesterday. Hope you are well.
Take care, Meow

Melody Lam said...

*snicker* At least Data learned something from female species, even if one is a Borg.
Borg run Windows? 0.o No wonder the Federation can kick their asses!

Ciera said...

A lesson Data won't soon forget!

Professor Xavier said...

Rreeoowww
Cat fight!

Lieutenant Tasha Yar said...

Data's my boyfriend! You can have Riker.

emi said...

Ooooh, Data! Did you have your emotion chip in? That would have been HOT!! Chick fight!

Missed you yesterday. Hope Computer (you know, the one that sounds like Deanna's mother) is feeling all right.

Miss Cellania said...

Windows 2352. Hee hee! Snort. Ha!

Cave Oppugno said...

*mirth* I am not a Star Treck fan, nor have I ever been, yet I also find this blog greatly enteratining. Kudos.

carolCandy said...

I like your script-writing. We could do with some colorful characters like you over here. People in my town are just too sane, so I'm drowning in a beige existence. Blah. Beam me up Scottie!

april said...

Duh-am! Seven got Biotch slapped! Jennifer is one tough mutha!

Sorry 'bout that. I think the cat fight brought that out of me.

LOL. I think Data is in over his head. I love how Cap continues in his exasperated and harassed manner and just turns and runs off muttering to himself. Doesn't he just remind you of that crabby teacher everyone seems to have had who couldn't be bothered anymore?

Trinity13 said...

Wow, go Jennifer!!!

Captain Berk said...

Oh Data...

The things I could teach you...

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This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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dddragon said...

Worf and Riker could have told you that, Data!

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

SPLOG!!!!

Data, you need to move you On/Off switch. I think i could turn you on with out much of a problem... Wait, that didn't come out quite right.

Idblur said...

so data has a girl huh? interesting

Anonymous said...

frankduprosti: if you think anyone wants to check out your site after you slammed this one, think again!

Same thing goes for William Shatner's #1 fan!

DesTheRay said...

dear data,
soon you may learn an even more important and useful lesson: how most pleasurably TO intervene between two women who do not like each other.

Claire said...

Data would have been glad to have missed that little moment!!

Vampirella said...

lol data next time stand back and watch

Loki said...

Things are getting interesting for our android friend :P I wonder what operation system Data runs on...? Oh wait, probably Unix since it's stable, like Linux :)I just don't see data on Windows or Mac.

Raskolnicov! said...

Captain, Jean Luc Picard, of the U-S-S, Enterprise. Captain, Jean Luc Picard, of the U-S-S, En-ter-prise. Catchiest darn tune EVER!

Team YaYa said...

Some of the comments here are just as funny as the main post ;)

TibbyInTune said...

"We haven't had a decent upgrade since Windows 2352 was installed."

Very nice.

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