Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Job Interview

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The Cap has insisted that I attend a job interview; I've had so many notes saying I'm on a shortlist, although I have never applied for any of them.

"Nonsense, Number One!" says the Cap, "You really need to get yourself known in Starfleet. Before long, they will forget about you. After all, you don't want to stay Commander on this Starship, do you?"

"Actually, I like it here" I reply, "What Captaincy am I applying for here?"

"It doesn't matter" Picard says, "The important thing is it's the role of a Captain; you want that, don't you?"

"I suppose so." I tell him.

"Of course you do, Number One, "Remember that with the Captain's position, you get a key to the Executive Washroom at Starfleet Headquarters."

I brighten up. "Do I?"

"Absolutely!"

"In that case." I tell him, "I'll go."

-----------------------------------

I'm now at Starfleet Headquarters and am waiting to go in.

"Admiral Gordon will see you now" trills the secretary, and I walk in.

The Admiral looks gruffly at me.

"You didn't knock!" he tells me, "All applicants should knock!"

"Sorry about that." I say, and sit down.

"Did I invite you to sit down?" inquires Admiral Gordon.

"Errr...no." I answer.

"Then why are you sitting down?" he asks.

He picks up a file and looks at it, then looks at me.

"Not very good are you? he tells me, "A bit of a backroom person, content to stay in the shadow of Captain Picard and have the easy life aboard a glamourous starship."

"It's not like that at all!" I tell him, "The Enterprise has saved the universe a number of times; I've been there while it's happened."

"Did I ask you to answer a question, Riker?" Gordon tells me aggressively, "I can tell you, sonny, I've saved more universes than you've had donuts. You can be sure, this appointment will sort out the men from the boys"

"Which starship is it sir?"

Gordon laughs out loud.

"Who said it was a starship, sonny?" says the Admiral, "This job is for the Captaincy of the Candide."

"The Candide?" I ask, "Isn't that the garbage vessel that takes rubbish and scrap to the Forbidden Zone?"

"Got it in one, sonny"

"What happened to the last Captain?" I inquire.

"He died from radiation poisoning?" Gordon answers.

"I heard he only started four months ago."

"That's right" Gordon informs me without blinking, "The Candide has ahm.... a fast turnover of crew members. What it carries can have an amount of radioactivity in it. Still, you get used to it while you're there. It has good medical facilities when you start to feel ill."

I start to turn white.

"Remember, Riker" he adds, "There is always a chance of a sideways move to another ship once you've completed that term of duty on the Candide, if you can last that long."

"I think I like it where I am, sir." I tell him, and start to leave.

"No wonder you're still a Commander, sonny." Gordon tells me, "All these great appointments come up and you don't take advantage of them. The Candide needs more men like you. "

-----------------------------

"You had a chance of Captaincy there, Number One." the Cap tells me in his Ready Room, "The Candide is a sturdy ship. You would have had the key to the Executive Washroom."

"If I ever lived long enough to use it." I reply.

43 comments:

xtessa said...

ah... there's always a catch! poor riker!

J.A. Author said...

Ah, but canon tells us that Riker turned down the captaincy more than once to remain on the Enterprise.

Chuck Darwin said...

he's always getting the shaft. what a schmuck.

Maurice Mitchell said...

LOL
Ah, the "Candide". A play on the Voltaire novel "Candide, or Optimism"?

Trinity13 said...

Since Deann prob won't join him, why would Riker ever want to leave?

Miss Cellania said...

Can't win for losing, huh? Looks like your never going to get shed of Riker. So the adventure of "the folks who have been around each other too long" continues!

The Curmudgeon said...

In the 24th Century there are no keys for the Captains' washrooms. There're no pockets in which the keys may be carried! Everything is computer-recognition of voiceprints.

Or fingerprints. After Anxiesha of Quietus 5, a member of a race of mute telepaths was promoted Captain, they had to also recognize fingerprints. But not before there was a very unfortunate incident....

Master Yoda said...

At the Jedi Temple, an executive washroom we have not. But, that we have one, we tell all new Jedi Masters. A key we give them and to the "room" we point them. But only to the roof of the Temple it goes!

Hee hee! Hee hee! snort Hee hee!

Unknown said...

Congrats on being a "Blog of Note" on Blogger Buzz!

Craig C said...

The best blog ever...


For me to poop on!

-Triumph

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

It's like Studio 21.

Er, make that Catch 21, heh heh.

Jen said...

HA! That's hilarious!

Poor Riker.

Raehan said...

You might have been at an army recruiting center. I'm not sure. Hee-hee.

Love your sense of humor!

Darv said...

You made blogger buzz... Impressive display of honor, captain.

Magdalena said...

the captian certianly is in a hurry to get rid of you riker

Anonymous said...

I thought the last blog I visited one the most interesting...I was wrong.

no_average_girl said...

I would've went with your decision, Commander! :-) Tell the Captain you want to borrow his key ;-)

emi said...

Ahhh, well. You blew it anyway when you didn't knock and sat without invitation.

Better luck next time!

Anonymous said...

I can think of a few positions Riker could fill! ;)

craziequeen said...

I'm impressed that you are short-listed so much, Riker....

Your CV must be the talk of StarFleet :-)

cq

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

good choise Commander. Not a lot of chances to "Kirk" the women if you are on a garbage ship. I think it would have reflected poorly on you if you had choosen the Candide.

Ciera said...

Maybe he'll get the next job, Jean-Luc...I have a friend who can helppolish his resume so that it looks good...

Melody Lam said...

ah, poor poor Riker! "Fire at Will", and now this.

Professor Xavier said...

Something I've always suspected about Riker is that he secretly offended some higher up at Star Fleet. Perhaps he slept with some Admiral's wife or parked in someone's parking spot or something. The reason why they won't promote him is because he's been black listed. He just uses the "But I really like it here on Enterprise" thing just because he can't handle the shame.

Unknown said...

Very cool blog will be making it back here ever so often

Captain Berk said...

That Riker is a real layabout.

I served on that ship as it's very first captain. Did it do me any harm?

No!

Look where I am now.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

It seems that Riker does like the easy life. I'll have to fill in a few more job applications for him.

Simon said...

scckSuch is lif.

Hillary for President said...

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Anonymous said...

If that Exectutive washroom is anything like Harry Potter's prefects' bathroom...

IMD said...

I love star trek! this is a great blog check out mine when you get the chance.

Canadian Mark said...

I don't know about your Federation, but I've just been declined two jobs with the Empire, and if I go another month without paying rent, Jabba's going to put a price tag on my head so large that every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be after me. I so want a job with The Empire too - for the dental plan if nothing else.

Lori said...

"He died from radiation poisoning?" Gordon answers....LOL....priceless!!!

Have a great day!!!

Lady Yuki Shizuka said...

and you thought getting sent to Napoleon in the SHOTMCE was bad? Think again :)and yes, a gateway leading to this blog is on-site at Fragments of a symphony written!

Anonymous said...

Wow! My uncle Mike would love to read this blog; and I would agree with him that it is pretty interesting.

My name's J.J., and I run an establishment known as the "Islander Tavern". Here's your invitation to fun:

www.letsgoislanders2005.blogspot.com



Live long and prosper...

april said...

Wow Cap, I'm surprised you're so keen to get rid of Riker. Who will you get to do all the rubbish away missions etc? Who will do the odd Roddenberry inspired episodes where Riker always wears an ugly metallic top while off duty, sleeps with an alien, and leaves us viewers feeling slightly dirty?

That raises the question who would take Rikers place?

Lady Yuki Shizuka said...

Ugghh... It makes me shiver just to contemplate.The "Winter" at the merry Land of Oz makes it even worse!

Jana said...

Riker is loyal, if nothing else, I guess!

Captain Berk said...

I'd do the same for Wesley Crusher as well, the sycophantic little tyke.

Riker and him would make a fine double act

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Oh, but for that hitch!

Captain: I just saw that your blog is listed among the blogs of interest!

Bravo, to the Enterprise Fleet!

Anonymous said...

Verrrrrrrrrrry Cool blog, yo:)

The Life Artistic with Sara Holt

Sara Holt

Chris said...

This is fun stuff. Keep them coming.

Chris (My Blog)

Anonymous said...

Great episode. :-) A scowl for a garbage scow. Good call Will.

And congrats on getting a plug on http://buzz.blogger.com/

Keeping your pips polished I see.