Monday, October 10, 2005

The View From The Bar

.

Running this bar is a cinch after all that I've been through, I can tell you.

It keeps me young as well. Though I'm over 600 years old, I sometimes don't feel a day over 350.

It's those drinking songs that annoy me, though. When Worf has had a few, he really gets going, and there we are, back on the Klingon homeworld and singing songs of Kahless and his epic quests.

Do me a favour, Worf!

Geordi, now he's another one. I'm there behind the bar, and I have to hear his witless attempts to chat up women. He has no idea.

He starts with, "Hiya babe, I'm the Chief Engineer."

I ask you!

The unlucky woman look in pity and disgust at him and walks off, while Geordi looks amazed. If any female actually responded to his awful chat-up lines, he wouldn't have a clue what to do next.

Jean-Luc and Beverly are a pair, though. They will come in at different times and tell me how much they like the other, but have to maintain a professional distance.

Come on, you two!

Of course, I'm a great friend of Jean-Luc; I met him in the 19th Century when he time-travelled here. I've had a few dealings with Q as well. I got to Earth when my planet had been invaded by the Borg.

Talk about a backward planet! No warp drive, no space travel!

In the 20th Century, I changed my name for a while and went into acting. Some of the movies were ridiculous. I never understood the plots myself, but I had to dress up in this black outfit called a nun's habit.

Afterward, I went on this television quiz show called 'Hollywood Squares'. The producer told me just to say any idiotic answer. This I did, and for some reason, the audience laughed.

I went into hiding for a while, and when Jeffram Cochrane had a slight idea about warp drive, I gave him a couple of hints. As he was always drunk, he forgot to mention my involvement.

Nearly a century later, I applied for the job of Communications Officer on Captain Archer's Enterprise, but failed to get it. No Starfleet experience, they say.

If only they knew!

Another century passed; I then applied for the same job on the 'five year mission' on the Enterprise that Kirk was on. He personally interviewed all the women, but this Uhura got it.

What does he know?

In the end, after nearly yet another hundred years, I finally get on the Enterprise; as a bartender!

With all the people I've met, I ought to have been at least First Officer, don't you...hold on, Deanna and Riker are giggling with each other.

I'll be listening in...

19 comments:

Superhero Bob said...

Cpt. - - want to see how The Shadow's interivew turned out?

Ciera said...

At least as bartender, you don't have to answer to all those Admirals and whatvers that give the Captain such a hard time.

natasha said...

I'm enjoying your blog! Very clever. :)

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Yeah, there are some days when I feel over 350 as well!!!

Enjoy your creative reads, JLP!

TrueJerseyGirl said...

I love listening in to others at the bar...but why do I think that by the end of the night, they are probably listening to me?

Trinity13 said...

Plan on sharing what you overheard between Riker and Deanna???

Raehan said...

You seem to have a talent for fiction, Jean-Luc. Are you doing the novel marathon?

InterstellarLass said...

Oooh! Bar talk! Always juicy gossip there!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Say, Guinan, what's it like hanging out with Bruce Vilanch? I think he's very funny. That's funny "strange" not funny "ha ha."

mrsmogul said...

Whoopie is 600 years old??
Seriously I have a draft ready on when I was a bartender..no joke!

Professor Xavier said...

Your post makes me think that I should have a bar installed at the school. Seems like a great place to unwind.

Haris said...

Its all good and all but can you make a good Manhattan.
By teh way I have returned from my vacation and have posted a bunch of posts do if anyone is interested please drop by.

nobody said...

I think Guinan should be an admiral. :P

Shelley said...

Another wonderful post! Thanks for the laughs!!!! I am sick and tired of Beverly and you and how you just act like sick teenagers...what are you going to start passing notes or something now? COME ON Captain...you need to just shag her and get it over with! There's always the Christmas party to look forward to....HEE HEE!!! To think we all didn't know that Whoppi was from another time...it was so OBVIOUS! Hindsight...

Jean-Luc Picard said...

A bartender has the responsibility to keep to herself all the gossip she hears.

Professor, I thought a lot of the students at your school were underage, so a bar would be impractical.

Superhero Bob, my interview was a little short, wasn't it?

Shelley, here in the 24th Century, we have to behave with more discetion and decorum...unfortunately.

Superhero Bob said...

well...there's always the option of a retry...is there coffee involved?

Professor Xavier said...

While I do recognize that in traditional Homo Sapien society, having a bar at a school with so-called minors might be frowned upon, the children need some place to unwind after I have thrown them into life-threatening combat. It's all a matter of perspective, really.

And aren't you a French man? Children get wine with dinner, non?

cube said...

Everyone knows that at 600 years of age you lose your eyebrows. Look at Guinan...

Anonymous said...

豆豆聊天室 aio交友愛情館 2008真情寫真 2009真情寫真 aa片免費看 捷克論壇 微風論壇 大眾論壇 plus論壇 080視訊聊天室 情色視訊交友90739 美女交友-成人聊天室 色情小說 做愛成人圖片區 豆豆色情聊天室 080豆豆聊天室 小辣妹影音交友網 台中情人聊天室 桃園星願聊天室 高雄網友聊天室 新中台灣聊天室 中部網友聊天室 嘉義之光聊天室 基隆海岸聊天室 中壢網友聊天室 南台灣聊天室 南部聊坊聊天室 台南不夜城聊天室 南部網友聊天室 屏東網友聊天室 台南網友聊天室 屏東聊坊聊天室 雲林網友聊天室 大學生BBS聊天室 網路學院聊天室 屏東夜語聊天室 孤男寡女聊天室 一網情深聊天室 心靈饗宴聊天室 流星花園聊天室 食色男女色情聊天室 真愛宣言交友聊天室 情人皇朝聊天室 上班族成人聊天室 上班族f1影音視訊聊天室 哈雷視訊聊天室 080影音視訊聊天室 38不夜城聊天室 援交聊天室080 080哈啦聊天室 台北已婚聊天室 已婚廣場聊天室 夢幻家族聊天室 摸摸扣扣同學會聊天室 520情色聊天室 QQ成人交友聊天室 免費視訊網愛聊天室 愛情公寓免費聊天室 拉子性愛聊天室 柔情網友聊天室 哈啦影音交友網 哈啦影音視訊聊天室 櫻井莉亞三點全露寫真集 123上班族聊天室 尋夢園上班族聊天室 成人聊天室上班族 080上班族聊天室 6k聊天室 粉紅豆豆聊天室 080豆豆聊天網 新豆豆聊天室 080聊天室 免費音樂試聽 流行音樂試聽 免費aa片試看A片 免費a長片線上看 色情貼影片 免費a長片 本土成人貼圖站 大台灣情色網 台灣男人幫論壇 A圖網 嘟嘟成人電影網 火辣春夢貼圖網 情色貼圖俱樂部 台灣成人電影 絲襪美腿樂園 18美女貼圖區 柔情聊天網 707網愛聊天室聯盟 台北69色情貼圖區 38女孩情色網 台灣映像館 波波成人情色網站 美女成人貼圖區 無碼貼圖力量 色妹妹性愛貼圖區 日本女優貼圖網 日本美少女貼圖區 亞洲風暴情色貼圖網 哈啦聊天室 美少女自拍貼圖 辣妹成人情色網 台北女孩情色網 辣手貼圖情色網 AV無碼女優影片 男女情色寫真貼圖 a片天使俱樂部 萍水相逢遊戲區 平水相逢遊戲區 免費視訊交友90739 免費視訊聊天 辣妹視訊 - 影音聊天網 080視訊聊天室 日本美女肛交 美女工廠貼圖區 百分百貼圖區 亞洲成人電影情色網 台灣本土自拍貼圖網 麻辣貼圖情色網 好色客成人圖片貼圖區 711成人AV貼圖區 台灣美女貼圖區 筱萱成人論壇 咪咪情色貼圖區 momokoko同學會視訊 kk272視訊 情色文學小站 成人情色貼圖區 嘟嘟成人網 嘟嘟情人色網 - 貼圖區 免費色情a片下載 台灣情色論壇 成人影片分享 免費視訊聊天區 微風 成人 論壇 kiss文學區 taiwankiss文學區