Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Starfleet Advert (Part One)

I have been summoned to Starfleet Headquarters on Earth.

When I get there, I see Admiral Marsh, who is the Head of Recruitment. With him is a man in his early twenties with dark glasses and so called 'trendy clothes' who is obviously trying to look intellectual at the same time.

"Captain Picard" says Marsh, "This is Billy Fortune, the hot film director. As recruitment to Starfleet has fallen over the last few years, we have employed him to make an advert for us that will be shown on screens at home. We want you to work with him in creating that."

"I don't know whether I'm the one for this role, Sir." I say.

"Of course you are, Jean-Luc, baby!" exclaims Fortune, "We want the Captain of the flagship of the fleet in this ad."

I dislike him intensely already.

----------------

After meeting the senior staff, Fortune talks to me about what he thinks.

"This ad needs some bizaz, baby. We need it to say to those viewers, ''Come and join this go-ahead outfit, this is the place to be, this is where it's all happening!"

I think my Universal Translator must be malfunctioning.

"That Worf guy is way too scary." he says, "He might put people off joining. What about that funny robot, Data? He could do a bit of comedy like the one in that ancient series 'Lost In Space'.
That Riker could be good; the two you you could be a double act and do some funny routines there. Makes 'em laugh and start listening."

"Well we gotta have that Deanna Troi in it," he continues, "We need a babe in a skimpy outfit. It'll get the men watching the screen. Now that Geordi needs to be in it; a blind black guy. Wow! that gives a great message saying anybody can join. Do you think that Beverly would wear a skimpy outfit as well?"

"NO!" I say.

"Ah, well, never mind."

"Is that it?" I ask, wanting to throttle him.

"No, baby, we need youth. We need some kid to tell them to join Starfleet Academy. A bright one. I think I know who."

I can see it coming, I know I can.

"That Wesley Crusher is just right, baby. He's in the Academy, he's bright, and hey! he's even served on your Enterprise for a few years. Let's get him on the scene and we can start shooting.

Pass the headache tablets.

14 comments:

Master Yoda said...

Only turn out badly this can. Much humiliation it will cause you. So when it is going air let me know, so that tape it I can.

Hee hee hee!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Not Fortune! He's a louder, dumber version of Ute Boll, who is a louder, dumber version of Michael Bay.

Jen said...

They could have hauled the guy responsible for all of those "Duck and Cover" public service announcements out of deep freeze. "Painfully hip" is always better than boring and misleading.

Well, almost always.

Ciera said...

Full throttle a head!!!!

Bumbling Bav said...

Could you not have found someone a little better looking?? Please.

Professor Xavier said...

If Wesley is what they're going for then Starfleet is in deep trouble.

Trinity13 said...

Yes, Wesley is coming back!!!!!

Haris said...

So Capetain how does it feel to go where (nearly) everyone has gone before. Besides if one is judging by the http://www.grudge-match.com/History/barney-wesley.shtml than if you killed Wesley in some horrific and bloddy manner on screen you might get more people to join than you could handle.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Ciera said...
"Full throttle a head!!!!"

LOL.

InterstellarLass said...

*sight* Me and one of my school mates were in love with Wesley. He really is a doll. Don't be too hard on him Captain!

M. C. Pearson said...

ROTFLOL~ I love the silent comments Jon Luc. You're terrific...I feel like I'm there but don't have to don the uniform!

M. C. Pearson said...

Whoops...Jean-Luc...sorry for the mis-spell. Hey, what can I say...I'm American.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

If you want to see humiliation, see Part Two.

IL, you must be the only one on Wes' side.

Professor, I think you are accurate there.

Master Yoda, I detect a malicious streak there.

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