Ted, the Transporter Repairman has come on for his annual check up of the system.
It's notable that Ted doesn't use the transporter to beam to the Enterprise. He tells me that he 'doesn't like those things', and so always comes aboard by shuttle.
He brings his repair box, which usually consists of a couple of extra circuits plus a hammer and screwdriver.
"Hi, mate." he says, as he leaves the shuttle. He is wearing his traditional oily overalls, flat cap and also carries a lunch box with his sandwiches.
We arrive in Transporter Room One.
"Any trouble here, mate?" he asks me.
"The transporter has jammed a couple of times in the year, and two people were merged with each other for a few days."
"Yeah, well," Ted tells me, "Those things were always a bit dodgy, mate. They need to checked looked at. Hold on, I'll get my hammer and give it a whack."
"These systems are very delicate, Ted. Our Chief Engineer spent many hours testing it all so that everything worked out fine."
I am having to shout at the top of my voice because of the sound of his hammer.
He throws out a circuit.
"Cheap rubbish there, mate." Ted says in disgust, "This is the sort of dangerous stuff that'll break down anytime. I'll fit in something decent. Get me a couple of char, please, mate."
I give him some tea. He drinks some and coughs.
"That's too weak!" Ted tells me, "Real char is so strong, you sand stand yer spoon in it."
I get what he wanted; after he drinks it, I think there is a permanant stain on the tea cup.
Ted proceeds to visit the other Transporter Rooms; he spends a while hammering and throwing out circuits. In one Room, the system explodes.
"Cheap modern rubbish." Ted says to himself, "No quality around nowadays."
Ted finishes his checking and heads off to his shuttle.
"See you next year, mate." says Ted, as he closes the door and prepares to depart.
The com switches on.
"Riker here, Captain, one to beam up."
"Number One, it might be a good idea if you came up by shuttle; I'm not quite sure where you'd end up if you used the transporter."