Today, the first intake of recruits who have applied to join Starfleet after that awful ad are going to have a tour of the Enterprise.
They beam on board; there are five teenagers; three male, two female.
"Hey look!" says one of the girls, "There's the boss we saw in the ad; doesn't he look dreamy, Ken?"
"Nah" replies a boy, "He looks ancient, Deb."
The five are introduced as Ken, Debra, Jenny, Brad & George. The boys are wearing baggy clothes and the girls have low slung mini skirts, cropped tops; their noses and navels are pierced.
What a shower.
Still, I now have to escort the five around the ship. I take them to the Bridge.
"This is where we....." I start.
"AAAAGHHH!" screams Jenny, "Whats that?"
She looks at Worf.
"I am Lieutenant Worf, Head of Security." he informs them.
"It's a monster" shouts George, "And he's got a ray gun!"
"Calm down, all of you." I tell them, "We have many alien species living on the Enterprise."
"I wouldn't like to meet that Worf guy on a dark night" laughs Brad.
Worf says something to himself that I can't quite hear.
Data comes on the Bridge.
"It's the funny robot!" says Ken, "Hey robot! Do the Gort impression again; that really creases me up. All of our family were laughing when you did it."
"Excuse me?" states Data, "I have duties to do at the Com."
"Well, I didn't think THAT was too funny!" sniffs Debra.
"No it wasn't, Deb." Ken tells her, "Hey, Cap, let's go into outer space and blow up a few aliens."
I angrily turn to him.
"This is a ship of peace; we do not go around the sectors destroying aliens. You are here solely for a tour around the Enterprise as part of your induction process into Starfleet and the Academy."
"Bor--inng!!" yawns Jenny, "Oh, Ken, take me home and we can watch a holographic film together."
Deanna steps on to the Bridge; Ken, Brad & George look eagerly.
"It's that gorgeous babe in the ad!" they whisper to each other.
"Hey baby", calls out Brad to Deanna, "What kind of outfit is that supposed to be? We expected you to be wearing that skimpy number in the ad."
"This is my Starfleet uniform." Deanna informs them, "What you saw was only for the purposes of the advert."
"What a cheat!" says Brad to his friends, "Meeting babes in skimpy oufits was the only reason I applied."
"Me too!" his two friends say.
"Come on, Jen" Brad states, "Let's get that holographic film, and get something good from the replicator at your place."
"Ooooh!" she giggles.
All five leave, and suddenly all is silent.
"I presume they will not be part of our crew, Captain?" asks Data.
"That's a safe guess, Data." I reply, "If they ever are, I suggest we surrender to the Borg immediately. Assimilating them into the Collective might do the Borg more harm than anything else."