The Enterprise On Broadband

Today is going to be a big day.

The Enterprise computer is going to be fitted with broadband.

Starfleet Command think it's about time that our Galaxy Class starship, flagship of the fleet was fitted with something more advanced than a dial-up system.

After all, it is very disconcerting when, in a battle with Borg, the computer suddenly fails and the message 'Connection has failed, please dial again'. appears on our viewscreen.

It has been the cause of many headaches, I can tell you.

Anyway, Starfleet is stretching the budget, and coming on board will be Admiral Hoyt, Head of Computers, together with Onorio, the alien technology expert. Also there is Ted, the repairman.

Hoyt will be watching, while Onorio does the fitting. Ted is there just in case we need him.

Naturally, Geordi is very concerned about this; his never likes visitors coming and playing with the computers and engines that he regards as 'his own'.

The three men beam aboard; Onorio is carrying a small package; Hoyt is looking pleased. Ted has his overalls on, his cap and a bag of tools.

"Well, Captain." he says, "You're about to step into a new age; the computers will be going at a hyper speed to match warp drive. Hey! It might even render you guys obselete!"

"And you, as well, sir?" I reply.

Hoyt mumbles something to himself and turns to the box.

"Onorio here is going to fit the package; rest assured, there is nothing that can go wrong."

If there's anything that makes me worried, it's when someone confidentally states there's nothing that can go wrong.

The senior staff and our two guests all go over to the main computer drive. Onorio gets out a small disk.

"This will start the conversion process for the computers." Onorio confidentally states, as he inserts the disk, "This will bring the starship into the new age of technology, where new frontiers can now be explored."

All the lights and power on the Enterprise suddenly go off; we are all there in the dark.

"Was that supposed to happen, sir?" Data asks me.

Hoyt is looking a little confused...from what I can see of him.

"Just a little teething trouble there, Captain. Onorio will soon repair it."

He takes a good look and in a few moments, the lights and systems are all running again.

"Excellent!" says Hoyt, "Captain, consult the computer about anything you wish, it will be able to answer in far faster speed."

"Computer, what is the fastest way to travel to Starbase 7?"

A high pitched sound comes out; the computer is speaking at such a fast rate, no one can tell what it is saying.

"What do we do here?", Hoyt asks Onorio.

"Err...I don't exactly know." he replies, "This is a new system for Starfleet, and there was always the problem of err... technological difficulties arising."

All of us then turn to Ted.

He sighs and looks in his bag of tools.

"I think I've got what you want here, mate." he says.

He gets out a large hammer and whacks the top of the console. Hoyt, Onorio and Geordi do white with shock.

The computer voice suddenly changes from a high pitch wail to that normal voice we have, that seems to remind me of someone.

The new broadband seems to be working properly now.

"Ropey connection, mate" he tells us, as he turns to Deanna, "Make us some char, love, then I'll be on my way."

There were always rumours that Ted had come from a temporal field when Starfleet were experimenting with time travel.

I'm beginning to think they are right.