Thursday, October 06, 2005

Fitness Program

Another useless piece of rubbish directive from Starfleet.

This one is telling that all Senior Staff (why is it always us?) are to assemble for a weekly fitness routine in a holodeck program that has been sent over.

---------------

Later, we walk in the holodeck. Worf has that outfit on he trains the crew with those Klingon routines with. Riker has the proper gear. Top of the range.

He would have.

Geordi has a colourful outfit, all in jazzy styles. Data, who is far fitter than any of us, turns up.

"Data" I say, "You can't become fit; as a machine, it won't do you any good."

"I realise that, Captain." he replies, "But as a member of the Senior Staff, it is my duty to attend."

I am there in my regulation Starfleet-issue fitness outfit.

Beverly and Deanna both join us; they both have skimpy leotards on.

Riker looks at Deanna and tries to put his eyes back in their sockets.

I look at Beverly.

Perhaps this fitness program won't be as bad after all?

I see the weights. Worf and Data have had little trouble with them; let's see how I get along.

I attempt to lift them; a few seconds later, my back is in agony. Perhaps I should have set them at a lesser weight?

Geordi seems to be doing well, although seeing that outfit is a pain on the eyes.

Riker is showing off, as he always does; he manages to do well on them all. On the treadmill, he gets a high speed, he handles the rowing machine effortlessly.

I am worn out.

The treadmill speed is lessened, and I still feel as if I am on a walk across the Vulcan desert.

Beverly spends more time trying to pick me off the floor, rather than do her own fitness exercises.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Jean-Luc." she says quietly, "It is rather an ordeal for those, err...not fully fit."

"Yes!" I reply, determined to carry on.

I go to the multi gym.

"Jean-Luc." says Beverly, "That has been tough for any of us, "Even Data found it hard going."

"Then as Captain, I should be able to do this."

I think at this time, my sense of reasoning had gone by way of a transporter signal: disappeared into thin air.

I got strapped into position.

"Get the weights set." I say, "I can do this!"

I start, ready to lift the weights that are lowering on to my neck.

I pass out.

The next thing I see is Beverly in her doctor's outfit.

"Where am I?"

"Sickbay, where do you think, Jean-Luc?"

"What happened?"

"You passed out after taking on too much. Don't worry. you're not the only one. A lot of Captains are currently injured after taking on too much. The program has been scrapped."

"What a relief!" I say.

Although Beverly's leotard wasn't a bad part of it.

20 comments:

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

re you telling me that Starfleet has no P.T. program?

What about maintaining physical fitness and establishing espirit de corps?

nobody said...

I think they need to set specific training uniforms for everyone, so Riker doesn't lose his eyes next time.

Professor Xavier said...

You'd think 500 years from now the biological sciences would have figured out someway to stimulate muscle growth without having to do any actual working out. Or do our slacker trends actually reverse themselves?

Dak-Ind said...

i just am glad that i will never be a senior officer.. i get enough excercise chasing a shoe eatting toe biting crawler around as it is.

Dak-Ind said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
puremood said...

I know a great way to get plenty of excercise... but it isn't by working out! ;)

Ciera said...

Not exactly the image you'd want to make in front of others [uhm, Beverly] is it?

Nevermind.

Can I have that coffee and a donut now? puh-leeeese?!??! :-D

-xtessa- said...

awww... maybe a private workout session with Beverly might just whip the Captain into shape, yes?*wink, wink*

dddragon said...

Well, water aerobics isn't too bad, and it would get Beverly in a bathing suit, eh?

Stationery Queen said...

I guess this was before Riker got his donut-lovin' belly? :)

Work-outs are overrated, Captain.

InterstellarLass said...

HA HA! Poor Captain! Riker is a pain. Jean-Luc is much more distinguished. Who needs 'in shape'.

Oreo said...

Cute story. Here from Michele's again.

ribbiticus said...

amusing as always. hi from michele. :)

MommaK said...

I thought the captain's sport was fencing...:-)

Kirbinite said...

Amusing anecdote, I've been lurking through your records for sometime and thought I should let you know how enjoyable I find them. But...does Starfleet test these mandates or just fling them at you? Though I enjoy DS9 more, you have always been my favorite captain.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

It must be all that fatty food in Ten Forward. Riker is starting to eat a lot of donuts.

PureMood...what ARE you suggesting!

Xtessa, a private workout session with Beverly; does that relate with what PureMood was saying?

Dddragon, you might have a good idea there!

Nic said...

I was right! Somebody from Star Fleet Command is trying to do you in b/c they know your limitations and weaknesses! I hope you figure it out soon so that you don't meet with an unfortunate accident.

magz said...

wow, what a true pleasure to meet the Captain of my dreams!

I'm a bit curious as to exactly how you manage to transmit blog entries from the future, but I imagine that it's a Federation secret. Perhaps you could just hint to me which stocks to invest in this year??

I found your comment on Utenzi's spot, and simply had to introduce myself, I've admired you for years you know.. and would be happy to give Dr. Crusher a run for her money for your attention, I have real live horses and could teach you to rope and ride like a cowboy, and tho blonde today I'd be willing to become a redhead if yer partial to them..

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