Monday, August 08, 2005

Is Anyone There?

.

Hello.

Is anyone out there?

This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager.

We are sending a distress call through a mioroscopic wormhole from the Delta Quadrant. We have no idea where or when this will appear, but we hope someone will see it and send help.

At the moment, we are 70,000 light years from home, and it will take us about 70 years to reach home, even travelling at maximum warp.

All right, I know you must be having a good laugh back at Starfleet, saying to yourself, "Janeway's got lost again!"

So I'm not too good with directions; everybody at the Academy knew it wasn't my strongest point. But it really wasn't the reason we are here. We got dragged by The Caretaker when we were in The Badlands...oh, it's a long story, I don't want to go into it now.

I'm just trying to sent this message with a few comments.

We've had to join forces with the Maqis ship we went after. Some of them are a bit hot tempered, like B'Elanna Torres; honestly, you can't ask her if she's had a good day without her biting your nose off. She's so aggressive, I think she will.

Chakotay is alright as a First Officer, but sometimes I catch him trying on his old Maqis outfit, as he looks longingly at it often.

Tuvok keeps giving me sagely advice as if he lives on the top of the mountain.

Harry Kim is Mr Optimistic, with his "We're gonna get home!!" every time a slight opportunity comes up. I could clout him!

Tom Paris lives in a fantasy land. He keeps telling the rest of the crew, "Call me Captain Proton."

Neelix & Kes, the two aliens we picked up are operating a smuggling racket, I think, with all the goods that seem to turn up. He knows a few dodgy characters out here.

As for medical assistance; all we have is a hologram! The EMH has a very superior attitude and talks down to patients. Occasionally, he bursts into opera songs, which is very disconcerting when he's operating on someone.

Are all the EMHs like this, or did we get a duff one fitted in?

Seska looks a little weird, too; there's something not quite right about her.

Anyway, before I go, there are a few important messages I need to give to those at home.

1: Cancel the milk deliveries. I can see that the milk is simply going to pile up outside the apartment.

2: Cancel my delivery of "Starfleet Times". The news in it will be pretty old by the time we get back, and the bill will be high.

3: Take my library book, "Reading Starcharts For Beginners." back. The fine I'd have to pay would be colossal.
-----------

I guess that's it. Please try to help us; 70 years with this lot is more than anyone can stand.

17 comments:

R.A. Slater said...

Can you hear me now?

Hullo?

Great...so much for a quick trip around the block!

Doesn't she have a dog or something that'll need to be taken care of?

I can take the library book back...but I refuse to dog sit!

xtessa said...

ahahahahaha!!! my favorite captain (no offence, jean-luc) has finally posted!

and isn't it weird that Tuvok also played other characters in TNG and Deep Space Nine?!! he must've had clones!

oh, and to Capt. Janeway, because of your, urm, questionable skills in navigation, you're going to run into the motherlode of all Borgs.;) just a heads-up!;)

Anonymous said...

Hah! Got me chuckling did that one!

dddragon said...

Wait a minute, Janeway is Captain, not navigator! Wasn't there someone else who was supposed to be driving?

True Jersey Girl said...

How exactly do you get 70 years worth of lost? And all you are concerned about is your library books? I think there might be more worrisome things to think about.

Heather said...

Janeway, you are my favorite! But don't tell Picard ;-)

Pirate Princess said...

I'm glad she canceled the milk. That could get pretty nasty! :P

Trinity13 said...

Oh come on now Heather! Janeway may be great, but she's no Picard! He will always be the BEST captian in my eyes.

Anonymous said...

About the milk deliveries..It's weird that they still have milk bottles delivered!!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

nobody said...
Someone should stop the cheese deliveries too... That gets pretty nasty.

There are cheese deliveries? SIGN ME UP!

Shelley said...

Well, just think! When they DO get back they'll at least make the cover of People....or Weekly World News....

R.A. Slater said...

Man - - -I hadn't even thought of the cheese deliveries. I'll take some of that!!!

Unknown said...

Re: Tuvok! He was also a human officer in "Generations in the scene sequence where they "Killed off" Kirk b4 they ressurected him!

War Eagle said...

Janeway, dump selka now. She will betray u. And If a borg named Seven of Nine contacts u. Ask for her phone number for me.

Kira J Bard said...

Janeway, you're my favorite. don't worry, i get lost on my ship too.

and yes, all the EMH programs are like that.

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