Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Life In Unimatrix Zero



Guest Poster: Annika Hansen

Things are going pretty well here at Unimatrix Zero.

The place is an idyllic realm where Borg who possess the recessive gene can subconsiously go when the drones are regenerating in their alcoves. Naturally, the drones have no memory of it all when they wake up.

Seven Of Nine would blow a circuit if she knew that me, her true self, exists in this place. The Borg Queen wouldn't be too happy about it, either. Though she hunts those who have them, she has no idea that one of her favourite drones, whom she placed on the Enterprise has time off here!

That always makes me smile.

I must admit, though, I'm getting tired of Axum, my lover for a while. He is always preaching about how it will all end, soon, and the Borg Queen will get us all. He's a right scaremongerer and party pooper. Let's enjoy it all.

I've been doing that since I was a little girl and captured on the USS Raven.



However, the tone of the Unimatrix Zero neighbourhood has gone down somewhat, lately. A family of recently assimilated Klingons have moved in. They are SO noisy. All night long they sing of Klingon victory songs and tell of old battles. When I go round to complain, I get an earful of Klingon profanity and abuse.

I'll be glad when some more humans are assimilated.

I've told Axum I want to move to a quieter neighbourhood, but he is all 'community, harmony and friendship'. I don't mind that as well, but I haven't slept in two days because of the noise. I must know every Klingon battle song there is by now.

Axum also tells me he can't move now because the local golf club is considering him for membership. he says he has been on the waiting list for five years, and that if we move now, he will have lost his chance.

Incidentally, I hate golf. If any dishy male humans get assimilated, Axum will be out. Actually, I think he'll be out anyway!

In the Unimatrix Zero Women's Institute, I managed to get First Prize with my Upside Down Cake. Naturally, Axum wanted a slice of it, but was quite put out when he found that me and the girls had already scoffed it!

Serves him right for going out for golfing practice.

I must admit, though, I am getting suspicious; Axum's afternoons at golfing practice seem to coincide with the times that the female Bajoran Vi Toran goes on her trips to the local stream.

His golf isn't getting better, but he does return with a smile.

Ah, well; it's time to get the earplugs out. I can hear another Klingon song about to start.

20 comments:

Jana said...

Axum definitely needs to go. You should have no trouble finding a replacement.

The Curmudgeon said...

This is interesting.... you've boldly gone where no one has before with this one, I think.

dragonflyfilly said...

*chuckle*

Unknown said...

Hmmm, I didn't know she baked. The fascination with gols continues for a few more centuries?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I love upside down cake.

Not enough to visit the Unimatrix, though.

SpacerGuy said...

Parting is such sweet sorrow do we not hear the chimes at midnight? Chang was such a cheerful fellow, I figured his words seemed fitting. Try not to lose any sleep over Axum.

Linda said...

Cake? There's cake here and Empress Bee has not been by? There must be a disturbance in the force or a hole in the time space continuum to have kept her away!

Sound the alert and send out a search party, Captain, this is serious stuff!

Tawnya Shields said...

I like cake and golfing. :o)~

V.A. Jeffrey said...

Aww, she might actually like Klingon guys! You never know. Don't knock it you try it, I say!

They sound like a lot more fun than that Axum dude.

Lavender said...

Seven! Geeze Girl - what are you waiting for - dump him! You can do better!

Nancy Wu said...

lol, i seriously believe that since all onboard enterprise are single, a group hugs with a group sex may be great once a while. Why are we so narrow minded to just 1 to 1? That's really no romance at all. :D Rather, so little world.

Adventures In Waitressing said...

Bet my cake is better. LOL Love it. Great as always Jean-Luc

Amanda said...

Who needs Axum? Golf is boring. Telling lies about playing golf is pathetic. Join the Klingons!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Axum seems to have got the thumbs down from you all.

I'm sure Annika will get lots of other admirers in Unimatrix Zero.

Linda, I'm not sure Bee would want to drop in there, even for cake, unless she wants to be assimilated!

Vargas, you might be right. Annika knows all the Klingon battle songs by now.

Jon, there are some places it would be too big a pice to get upside down cake.

Justice said...

hmmm its not a place I want to go either

Flik Sivrak said...

She should dump him and go have some fun with the Klingons...

November Rain said...

is ear plugs enough when dealing with Klingon opera?

Jaime said...

Yeah, dump Axum.

And too bad Seven can't remember her other half.

Anonymous said...

Well, sounds as if the 24th century isn't that different from my century

This Unimatrix zero sounds almost familiar

I wonder if a Klingon's' singing is any worse than a Narn's singing

Gary said...

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