Sunday, January 14, 2007

Life With Kirk (Part One)

My birthday party was a lot of fun; it was a great surprise having that party in Ten Forward was really enjoyable, although I would have been in a bad mood if there wasn't one.

The highlight was when Bev put her Marilyn Monroe dress on and blonde wig, and sang "Happy Birthday, Captain Picard"

Well, now the day is over, and it's time to relax in my quarters after all the noise and excitement of they day.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light.

"Happy Birthday, Jean-Luc."

It's Q.

"Go away, Q" I tell him, "I just want to relax."

"Don't be like that, Jean-Luc." he replies, "I came to wish you a wonderful birthday."

"Thanks very much. Now go back to the Continuum."

"I've got a nice pressy for you here." he continues.

Suddenly a marching band appears in the room, playing 'Happy Birthday' at an ear-shattering volume.

"GET THEM OUT!" I shout as loudly as possible.

They disappear.

"The trouble is with you, Jean-Luc." comments Q, "Is that you are never grateful. Here you are, in the comfort of a Galaxy-class starship. You could never survive in one from a century ago."

"Nonsense, Q." I say, "Of course I could."

As soon as I said that, I knew it was the wrong thing to say.

"Oh, really." Q tells me. He smiles, and there is a flash of light.


The next thing I see is a much smaller room, very primatively built. From my history lessons at the Academy, I recognise it as a 23rd Century Starfleet vessel.

I look in the mirror, and am shocked at what I see.

I am much younger, with hair, which is good; alarmingly, though, I have a red shirt on; they were expendable in those days, especially on Captain James T Kirk's Enterprise. I hope I'm not on that one.

Upon examination of the room, I find I am inhabiting the body of Crewman Michael Foster, who has just been on the Enterprise and has narrowly escaped death three times on missions with Kirk.

My worst fears are realised.

The Com on the wall activates.

"Crewman Foster to Transporter Room One. Required for Landing Party with Captain Kirk, Science Officer Spock, Doctor McCoy and a few redshirts."


I arrive at Transporter Room One, where Kirk, Spock and McCoy, plus three other redshirts are getting ready.

"Right." says Kirk to us all, "If you see any mean looking aliens, don't forget to zap them. Set your phasers on kill."

"Captain" I say, "Should we not try to establish First Contact with any aliens we meet in order to promote peace and harmony between planets?"

Kirk looks bewildered.

"Foster, have you been on something?" he asks me, "We are supposed to zap any bad looking aliens and find any Princesses from other planets to take home, so I can fall in love with them."

He talks to the man at the transporter controls."

"All right, Scotty." he tells him, "Beam us down."

To be continued...


Sanni said...

Happy Birthday =)

Anonymous said...

Be glad Wes didn't sing to you.

Justice said...

OH NO your ARE wearing a RED shirt

do you know what that menas?????

Happy bday

Vampirella said...

Happy birthday Captian I know you will be okay

Just let James Kirk do his ripped shirt bit and another red shirt take the kill shot

Anonymous said...

Happy bday captian

Magdalena said...

happy bday

Pantha said...

happy bday

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

just dropped in on your actual bday to wish you a very happy one!

Meow said...

Just wanted to wish you a happy,happy birthday. Hope it was a good one.
Take care, Meow

Anonymous said...

Oh this is clever! I'm looking forward to the rest of the story.

Erifia Apoc said...

Happy Birthday, and I think my sidekick has some experiance in being a redshirt on the Enterprise under Kirk's command.

raehan said...

Wow! That is quite an eventful birthday.


Oh! Belated Happy Birthday. I'm sorry I missed on that. Foolish me. How could have I missed this? Anyway you seem to have had a great time.
Thanks for passing by.

Anonymous said...

Oooooh Captain Kirk!!!
Can you get me an autograph? He's so cute!


The Mistress of the Dark said...

Happy B-day!

Anonymous said...

Oh dear you're too young to die! What about taking the shirt off ;)


Anonymous said...

I wish you luck on your trip to the planet. Avoid any lava monsters!!

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday!

This can't possibly be good - but at least McCoy is along to alert everyone you're dead if you get zapped.

Ellee said...

Hope you had some nice presents. I always buy my sons helium balloons because they look great and brighten up the room and last so long.

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

Happy Birthday, Captain.

And. Why don't you simply kill this Captain Kirk. I know its well within your abilities.

Or, as Florence suggested, why don't you take the shirt off and put on a blue or yellow one?

Anonymous said...

Sacrilege, Captain! (You're talking about my generation now....)

(But I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this just the same.)

James Tiberius Curmudgeon

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Thanks for all your birthday wishes; most appreciated. Ellee, that is a good idea with the helium balloons.

I'm not keen on wearing a redshirt; they don't last long on Kirk's Enterprise.

Anonymous said...

You always look good in red no matter who you are. :o)

Lahdeedah said...

aaahhh? red shirt?

But you do have a first name, which matters....

but Q wouldn't let you die, he likes you, right? I mean, really, bothering Riker can't be nearly as much fun, he secretly wants to be Q.

Just enjoy the ride, hey, maybe you can steal an alien princess for yourself!

squirrel said...

That Captain Kirk, mmm, mmm, mmm. I wish I was one of those princesses. Oh goodness did I just say that out loud!?

Anonymous said...

Watch out for the disruptor beams and the flying knives and slashing claws and the magig wands and the giant wristwatches that turn people into cubes of salt and gorns and invisible monsters and primitive weapons.

And good luck, Captain.

Anonymous said...

Magic. that's supposed to be magic wands.

Professor Xavier said...

That's the sign of a smart Captain. Always brings along "a few red shirts" on the away missions. Just in case.

Claire said...

Oh dear this doesn't bode well

Happy Birthday

No_Newz said...

I'm glad you had a great time! Young and spiffy with lots of hair. LOL! Happy birthday late!!! :D

Ellee said...

I bet you wish Marilyn Monroe had been at your party singing for you in that stupendous dress.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Jon, from what you say, it sounds very dangerous. A red shirt is VERY expendable.

Ellee, you're right there!

Squirrel, yes you did!

Lois, thanks very much.

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