Thursday, January 11, 2007

New Computer (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Data

Captain Picard has been very annoyed since Sid has fitted the new computer in the Enterprise. It is apparently an old model that was used in the latter part of the twentieth century called the Giganticon 6000.

He has contacted Starfleet and they have informed him that budgeting has meant that slightly older models are now being installed.

Captain Picard asks me to press the 'Start' button to commence it's activation.

Nothing happens.

"Hold on, mate." Sid tells me, "You've got to wait for the valves to warm up a bit. The Giganticon isn't going to come on right away."

"We could have been destroyed by an alien vessel while we were waiting for this machine to 'warm up a bit'" complains Worf.

Everybody mumbles and agrees; I decide to ask Sid a question.

"Do you think the circuitry and database of the Giganticon will allign to my positronic brain pattern so that information may be freely passed?"

Sid looks hesitant.

" does do Beginner's Level Chess." he replies, "As long as other functions, such as Life Support are cut out."

"Are we safe?" asks Doctor Crusher, with concern.

"Don't worry, missus." Sid assures, "We've got the back-up system over here."

"It looks like an Assimilation Chamber." Seven states, with affection.

There is a clanking sound, and a green light appears in the Giganticon.

"It's up and running." Sid declares proudly, and turns to me, "Give it an instruction."

"Computer." I say, "Take the Enterprise to Starbase 6."

Another clanking sound is heard; the Enterprise starts to move forward, then shudders to a halt.

"Knight to King's Pawn 3" states the computer, before switching itself off.

"That's it!" shouts Captain Picard, angily, "Sid, I want to to remove every inch of what you bought in, and put back the computer we had before, together with the latest upgrades...and no arguments!"

"Come on, lads," Sid tells his helpers, "We'll put this lot in the USS Madagascar instead; maybe they aren't as fussy."


A few hours later, and our former computer is back in place.

"Well, Mr Data" the Captain asks me, "You must be pleased to have our old computer back."

"Indeed." I reply, "The chess matches will be more challenging than the ones with the Giganticon."


Anonymous said...

Captain, can you inquire how Sid got his contract and get back to us?

I think it might be -- to borrow someone else's phrase -- "fascinating."

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

So what happened to the USS Madagascar? Did it make it to Starbase 6 or was it dashed to ruin by a four moves to mate gambit?

Anonymous said...

Computers... they are just so touchy...

Glad to see you back Captain!

xxs and oos

UngaMan said...

I'm still laughing out loud since Part I

The chess move was really funny!

With your pemission Captain... I will let know this issue to my crew... I'm sure my Captain will agree on not touching the computer without the engineering approval.


Lahdeedah said...


Technology today, garbage tomorrow.

I feel for the giganticon. And the Madagascar...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

In a pinch, do you think that maybe you could use Data's posotronic brain as the ship computer?

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you up and running, Captain!!

Anonymous said...

hello captain, i am glad you are back as well. smiles. bee

Meow said...

Hope all goes well in the world of new computers.
Have a great weekend.
Take care, Meow

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Oye! Hope you aren't having as much trouble with the new computer!

Mother Jones RN said...

Computers and I have a love-hate relationship. I love them when they work, and hate them when they crash.

I'm glad to see you up and running.


Ellee said...

It looks like it is going to take up a lot of room on your spaceship. Hope it takes you to infinity and beyond.

Draculina said...

I hate computers period...

Vampi (or is it)

Justice said...

computers can be funny things

Anonymous said...

I personally have a love/hate relationship with computers. I suspect it is my strong electromagentic field. Light bulbs don't care for me either. Hubby says I'm not entirely humanoid. :o)

Hope your new computer treats you well.

utenzi said...

"We come in peace" *zap* *zap* "We come in peace" *zap*

Oh, wait. I guess that's from Mars Attacks but it's the same idea. Destroy all invaders, even the computer versions. Bye Giganticon.

Michele sent me. *zap*

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Curmudgeon, I'm not sure how Sid got his contract. He must know some information on one of the Admirals.

Tak, the Madagascar has been lost, never found again, although there have been rumours of sounds saying "Bishop to Queen's Four"

Lahdeedah, I'm sure the Giganticon can be used in multiple places.

Merlyn, Jaime, Bee & Meow, glad my new computer is running now.

MOTD, I was on the phone over an hour with the ISP as the broadband would not connect.

Draculina, I'm not fond of new gadgets either.

Anonymous said...

They could have avoided all this unpleasantry if they just went with a Mac!

Michele sends her regards,


Anonymous said...

We've come a long way from papyrus, goat's blood and the abacus, haven't we?

here via michele.

pads said...

glad you're up and running again captain, and glad you have your old computer back on the enterprise. You never know perhaps the gigantion is playing chess with the borg queen lol.

Love pads

Anonymous said...

I think the new iPhone would likely have more power than the Giganticon. Wouldn't it be cool if they could run the whole ship off of a handheld?

Anonymous said...

It pays to be picky if it means you don't get stuck with the Giganticon!

glad to hear everything has transitioned well.


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