Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Plant Problems (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Boothby

Now I'm on the Enterprise undertaking a dangerous mission to Epsilon II, I really rerally rarin' to go.

Some people just think I'm an old guy who looks after the gardens at Starfleet Academy. I tell you this, I'm sharper than all those Admirals and Cadets who think they know it all put together.

What was I saying?

Oh yes, don't interrupt me. It'll come to me.

Yes, these giant walking plants called Truffids have taken a dislike to the inhabitants of this new base that the Federation have set up on the planet, and are starting to march upon them.

The top brass wants me to sort it out; I'm the best one that knows about plant life.

They are right there.


Picard welcomes me on board. A redheaded woman is standing next to him. She's obviously looking at him adoringly.

"This is Doctor Crusher" says Picard, "If you don't feel well, she'll help you."

"Listen, sonny." I say, "I'm not Old Father Time. I'm as fit as a fiddle."

"Of course you are." comments the redhead condescendingly, "But just in case you do, call the SickBay."

"Missy, is your name Beverly?" I ask her.

"Yes it is." she replies, "But how did you know?"

"I caught Picard writing 'I Luv Bev' on one of my trees the other week." I tell her, "He's done that before. I gave him a right piece of my my mind."

They both blush like a couple of teenagers. You'd think they would know better. Anyway, he won't be able to write that phrase on the Truffids. I can't see 'em taking too kindly to that!


Once I get my things sorted out in my quarters I take a look around.

I come to a brunette who I met a while back in the Academy Gardens; she is holding hands with a bearded guy who is the Commander, judging by his stars.

"Hello Mr Boothby!" she says, "Do you remember me?"

"I sure do, missy" I reply, "You're err....umm.....Deanna."

"That's right." she says, "Glad to see you on the Enterprise."

"You must be Worf" I say to the bearded guy, "I remember Deanna telling me that she was seeing him and enjoying his company."

Deanna goes red and the bearded guy looks annoyed.

"Actually I'm Commander Will Riker." He informs me, "Worf and Deanna are no longer together."

The two march off; it sounds like there is an argument brewing between those two. I don't fancy Worf's chances.


A female Borg drone suddenly approaches me.

"You must be Boothby, the guest we have" she says, "I am Seven of Nine. I am studying human behaviour on behalf of the Borg Queen on this ship."

"In that case, we have a lot in common." I reply, "I find that when I tend the Academy Gardens, I see many forms of human behaviour; courtship, double-dealing and all manner of back-stabbing."

"Really?" comments Seven, "I must visit the Gardens sometime. The Queen will be most interested in what I observe."


My Com badge is activated.

"The Enterprise is approaching Epsilon II. Will Mr Boothby, Lieutenant Commander Data, Doctor Crusher, Counselor Troi, Commander Riker join Captain Picard in Transporter Room One in order to beam down."

Time to go and meet the Truffids.

I'd better take some plant spray.

To be continued....


Ellee said...

What a pleasure to meet Boothby, I always find gardeners the most pleasant of people. Maybe one day I will be able to meet the Triffids too.

Gopher said...

Mr Boothby Sir, I think the admirals just wanna get rid of you, I'd be double checking what erm uniform they give to you to put on.. I'd make sure that plant spray is deadly efficiant so to speak as well just in case things turn nasty.

Lahdeedah said...

What if the Truffids eat you?

What if they ask you to join their Truffid community?

And, can you make a nice salad out of Truffid leaves?

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Senior staff and a new guy. Sounds like you got "red shirted".

When you greet them becareful of which stalk you shake on them, if you know what I mean.

Professor Xavier said...

Yeah, some plant spray and maybe a few weed wackers.

Anonymous said...

Wow - that's a big contingent beaming down. Where's the expendable crew member?

Erifia Apoc said...

They are plants. Simply eat them.

Anonymous said...

whoever is doing these bloggs.....great job? Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I think I'll stay away from the Truffids. I've never been good with plants.

Anonymous said...

I sense Boothby pulling a Wesley...

Anonymous said...

Just remember, you cannot trust plants. Don't forget your gardening gloves.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking the Truffids just need care from someone who isn't afraid of getting dirt on their hands.

Anonymous said...

meet the truffids? is that anything like the fockers? cause i already met them. do they like chocolate? (translation: do they HAVE any chocolate?)

smiles, bee

MissMeliss said...

Mist them. Seriously, a little bit of the right chemical mixed into the water, a nice green glass mister...who'd suspect anything from such an amazing gardener?

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Boothby is a native of Mars. He reminds me of someone... no, wait, don't tell me... it'll come to me....

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Ellee, Boothby has been in a couple of Voyager episodes.

Barbara, you are right; we'd better all get back if we don't have an expendable crew member with us.

Lahdeedah, maybe afterwards, 'Truffid Salad' will be on the menu...eat it before it eats you...

MOTD, you would have been with one to go if we beamed down with you.

Bee, glad there were no typos in your comment.

Jaime, you might be right.

Tak, you are right; stalk shaking could be tricky.

squirrel said...

Plant spray?! That better be some strong stuff!

Ellee said...

Squirrel, not too strong!!!!

Anonymous said...

Boothby sounds like a teacher I once had! I wonder if, when he's done wioth this mission he'd come over and take care of the gardens here...?

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