Sunday, January 07, 2007

New Computer (Part One)

Starfleet have ordered that the Enterprise be fitted with a new computer, so we are returning back to Earth.

This sort of things seems to happen so often; they tell me that the one we have is 'out of date' and we need upgrading.

Geordi isn't happy about it, as it upsets the engines and the optimum performance. I can't say I'm keen either. I have to try and figure out the instructions. Usually I only find out after I have been coached by one the children who live on the ship.

We await for the installer to beam on. A flash and he appears.

"Morning, mate."

It is Sid, the engineer who always tends to visit us. He has a bag of tools, including a hammer and screwdriver.

"Hello Sid." I say, "I hope you know how to put this latest computer in."

"Don't worry, mate." he replies, as he puts his cigarette behind his ear and picks up his toolbox, "We'll soon get this new computer up and running, and have a real 21st Century style system running."

"But it's the 24th Century!" I protest, "We need one that is suitable for a Galaxy-Class starship, not an old crate."

"All right mate," says Sid, "Keep your hair on. Once I've finished, you'll have top level machines running here.

I leave Sid and his minions to bring the parts on board, while I go for a drink in Ten Forward with the others.

---------

"Do you think the computer will be an up-to-date one, Captain?" asks Riker.

"I'm not sure, Number One." I reply, "I somehow have my doubts when Sid is installing anything."

"I did see some of the men bringing transistor parts aboard." comments Data, "I do not believe they comply with 24th Century technology."

"Agreed." says Worf gruffily, "They may be cutting corners in costs."

"That's what I've heard as well." Jadzia tells us., "The cost of building statships has gone up lately. Starfleet possibly thinks they will work with older equipment."

"If Starfleet had contacted the Borg," snorts Seven, "You would have a far more efficient computer; we have assimilated the best minds in the universe and would easil..."

Seven's pro-Borg rantings are cut short when Sid walks in and tells us all that the computer is installed; we are all led in to see it.



"It's enormous!" I shout, "This is the size they used to be in the mid-twentieth century."

"This machine is called the Giganticon 6000" states Sid proudly, "It stores 6 MB of memory and is capable of delivering calculations in less than half an hour."

"We need something better than that." complains Geordi.

"Don't worry, mate." Sid assures him, "There will be an upgrade out soon.."

He points us to the computer keyboard.


"Now this is a real up-to date model." he proudly declares.

"It's ancient!" I tell him, "I'm going to complain to Starfleet and get the old computer put back in."

"Hold on, mate." Sid says, "Don't be hasty; give it a chance. You might be surprised to see how well the Giganticon works."

I press the 'Start' button, and we all wait to see what happens next.

To be continued...

-----------------------

Author's note:

As you may have guessed, I'm having a new computer fitted. The engineer will be installing it, and afterwards, it will require broadband connection and data transfer. As a result, Part Two will be shown when I am reconnected; this may take two or three days from Tuesday.

28 comments:

Darth Nepharia said...

Good Luck, Jean-Luc. You have my deepest sympathies....

Anonymous said...

Love you blog. Very different.
I'm a friend of Squirrels and decide to stop by. Glad I did.

pads said...

Good luck with the computer upgrade jean-luc you have my sympathys because my laptop has died on me recently, and I am having to fight with the teenager for use of the big computer. The computer on the enterprise looks positively stone age hope its not a dinosaur.

Love pads

Thousand Faces said...

I will miss you Captain. We at the clan always love to hear from you.

As far as that computer is concerned, I remember when a Quill and Inkwell were top of the line.

Mykol said...

someone I know just bought a computer and I'm that person will share. Oh well, with your computer being so ancient, I'm sure nobody is going to argue on who will use it!

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Good luck, and I hope you find someone to man, or woman the enterprise in the meanwhile, Captain.

Anonymous said...

Good luck Jean Luc!

Anonymous said...

oh good luck, a new computer how exciting!!!

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the new computer ... hope it doesn't take too long !!
Take care, Meow

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Good luck with the new computers :)

Anonymous said...

Ah the excitement of a new computer.

The incomprehensible instructions.

The incompatibility problems.

The myriad ways in which something that is supposed to make your life easier turns your life into a living Hell.

Have fun....

Anonymous said...

oh my word, i understood something here! land o goshen! hey capt. if you need any help there charlie has two tools, a plastic butter knife and a chain saw. let us know. he could beam right over..... bee

Ellee said...

Let's hope you don't lose any data Captain, your new computer looks most impressive and perfect for such a fabulous spaceship.

KODIAK THE UNCANNY said...

that computer is one step up from an abacus on a string. lol

squirrel said...

Awesome, Captain! New computers are so much fun!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

You all seem to empathise with my plight. Take pity on trying to figure a new one out tomorrow.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Transistors! Man, I hope they don't try to put vacuum tubes in there as well.

And are people still smoking cigarettes in the future? I would imagine people would've evolved past such addictions. Although, I suppose you could replicate out all the toxins and cancer-causing agents found in tobacco.

Lahdeedah said...

I always feel like something is lost when the old computer goes...

Viamarie said...

Wow!!! New computers? This something we have been trying to
have in the office. You're lucky to have them.

Have a nice day!

Professor Xavier said...

I hope you aren't going to get rid of Nurse Chapels' voice on the computer. Why the Federation uses her, I don't know, but I like it.

Anonymous said...

Ah, the long awaited transition. When I upgraded it felt like I had finally moved into the 21st century. I love my puter!

Though the one Sid has installed on the Enterprise could have been a cunning way of stealing the good 24th century one to sell it on the black market.... I'll have to stay tuned.

xx

No_Newz said...

Congratulations and good luck. Obvioiusly from the picture, this will not be a laptop? ;)

Gopher said...

Now Jean Luc all I will say is a new computer is a challange to learn where everything is and getting it back to the way it was on your old one so your comfortable with it again is a definate challange..
I do pray your not gone for broadband with Plus Net as hmm well I hear the lose e-mail...

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

if you listen very carefully you can hear the Fred Flintstone style bird hammering out the letters on the screen.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I'm up and running again,with my new super-computer, though I was on an hour with the ISP about broadband connection.I have to transfer many things on. Part Two Will be published on Thursday.

Professor, I think Nurse Chapel/Lwaxana has cornered the market for computer voices.

Viamrie, this new computer is for me at home, not the office.

Jon, I fear Sid is a 21st Century person stuck in the 24th.

Ellee said...

Looking forward to your next post on your new computer, Captain.

Anonymous said...

Yes, we need to know how your new Computer is coping up. Is it being used for navigation or for general running of the Enterprise, Captain ?

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