Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Life With Kirk (Part Two)

Guest Poster: James T Kirk

Captain's log, Stardate 26647.4.

The Enterprise has arrived at Zargon III, where we are carrying out routine checks on the planet. Hopefully I can find a few aliens to zap and some pretty girls to rescue and fall in love with.

I'm taking Bones and Spock with me down to the surface, along with a few expendable redshirt crewmen. One of them, Michael Foster has been acting strangely. He talks of making peaceful First Contact with any inhabitants. He called Spock 'Number One' on a couple of occasions.

That made Spock's eyebrow raise!


We all beam down to the surface; it looks rather barren, and the sky has a kind of orange glow. The rocks look as if they are created out of papier mache. It's odd how a lot of planets we visit seem to look like that.

"Split up everybody." I say, "And look for anything unusual. You redshirts go over there; try not to get killed. I've used up my quota of redshirt replacements already for this year, and Starfleet won't be sending me any more for quite a while."

"Perhaps we ought to be going with you, Captain." suggests Foster.

"No, Crewman." I reply, "It makes it more dangerous for us, and we can't afford to get killed off."

Bones and I go looking in a hilly part of the planet.

"What do you think about Foster?" I ask him, "He seems to have undergone a personality transplant. He appears to have a very authoritive air all of a sudden."

"Don't ask me, Jim." Bones snaps at me, "I'm a country doctor, not a behavioural psychiatrist."


A terrible scream comes from the direction of the redshirts. We all go to investigate.

Crewman Will Hunter's skin has turned a weird colour, with all his blood removed, according to Bones. Another redshirt bites the dust.

"Fascinating." says Spock.

A great contribution HE makes!

"Now what did I tell you!" I groan dispairingly, "I told you redshirts not to get killed; I'm on a tight budget with staff here. The Enterprise is getting a bad reputation for crew turnover."

Everybody goes out to look around further, but there is an air of tension.

Crewman Michael Foster comes to me.

"I've found something here, Captain." he tells me, and leads me to a cave, and shows me what is inside.

Wow! It must be my lucky day. I've hit the jackpot!

"I am Thada, an Orion Slave Girl." she says, "I was abandoned here many years ago by my masters."

"Why is that?" I ask, "Did no one love you?"

"What is love?" she replies innocently.

"Come back up to the Enterprise, and I'll do my best to explain it to you."

It's tough being a Captain in the 23rd Century!

"What about the creature that killed Crewman Hunter?" asks Foster, "Shouldn't we all be looking for that, Captain?"

I'll let you do that, Foster." I reply, "I've got to look after this lonely young lady."

As the others look around, Thada and I beam up to the Enterprise.

Another day, another, woman!

I'll postpone Yeoman Janice Rand until we've delivered Thada to her homeworld.

To be continued...


Anonymous said...

I... Think... Captain Kirk may be making... a


(You know, it's hard trying to do a Shatner impression on paper. Or on the screen. You know what I meant.)

Anonymous said...

Good luck with Thada but watch your back.

Oh I must make a confession my very first crush was Capt. James T. Kirk. Sigh......

Black Widow said...

"Split up everybody." I say, "And look for anything unusual. You redshirts go over there; try not to get killed. I've used up my quota of redshirt replacements already for this year, and Starfleet won't be sending me any more for quite a while."

I laughed so hard LOL I think Tony stark has been thinking about handing colored shirts in SHIELD

Anonymous said...

sounds like a vampire wasnt me though

Gopher said...

It wasn't me either - Darn Q, never happy is he.. What next though - I don't trust this "broad" as your's favourite 20th century P.I. would say.
I do hope you make it back in one piece.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Better watch your attitude or Kirk will think you've gone bananas, Foster.

Get it? Bananas Foster? Aw nevermind.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Thank goodness I don't come from a palce whee I am forced to wear a red shirt and become cannon fodder. It would be terriable only to exist to be killed off to advance a plot line.

I'll go over here and guard this narrow bridge with no railing that corsses a bottem-less power tube and not payattention to the fact that someone has escaped the dentention block.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Mmmmm Kirk...Oh and you better watch out for Thada...I'm sure she's not as she seems.

Anonymous said...

hiya jon luc! any chocolate here? la la la la la, (she is dancing around in circles you see) smiles, bee

Anonymous said...

Wow,capatin, this is gripping....

Orion Slave girls rule the galaxy, or at least their men...watch out they are very devious. Of course Kirk... well what can we say???Of Kirk was pretty handy with his erm..hands...

good luck!

TaC, you should put in a petition for a safer work place!

Magdalena said...

be careful Captian

squirrel said...

Oh Captain you are thinking with the wrong head again!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Kirk only has to see a pretty lady, I fear.

Thada looks dngerous to me as well.

Bee, I imagine you like chocolate A LOT!

Justice said...

I am glad i dont wear red

Vampirella said...

be careful

Ellee said...

Another day, another woman, lucky you. And yes, take good care.

Ellee said...

Another day, another woman, lucky you. And yes, take good care.

Anonymous said...

yes, what is love?

That guy lies there greener than CABBAGE!

Mrs. Mogul

Professor Xavier said...

Damn those Redshirts, always disobeying orders.

Anonymous said...

This is brilliant!!

Hot Stuff the little devil said...

omg I am all red does this mean I am doomed too?

Ellee said...

Has your new computer got anything to do with these problems?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Ellee, which problems are they?

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