Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Journey To Wondawowman (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Karena


"Just why do you want to take us to your home planet on the Enterprise?" Wes asks me for the umpteenth time.

I give him a prod with my spear and tell him to be quiet, as all will become apparent soon.

Men! They are so impatient.


We beam up to the Transporter Room. Captain Picard and Beverly Crusher are waiting for us there.

"Welcome Cadets" he says with an annoyed look, "We shall now be taking you to Wondawowman. I'll have a crewman take your bags to to your quarters."

"That won't be necessary." I reply, "Wesley will do all that for me; come on, Wes. Pick up the bags."

For some reason, Beverly Crusher looks astonished; perhaps she hasn't seen her son do hard work. Far too soft on him, I think. She whispers to the Captain, but it appears he has a slight smile.


In my quarters, after Wesley has bought my luggage up and departed to talk to his old friends on the ship, I have a sonic shower, and put my battle armour on so that I can practice in the holodeck with my spear. Firstly, though, I put the monitor on so that I can talk to my mother, Queen Diana of Wondawowman.

Her image comes on the screen.

"It is wonderful to see you, daughter" she says to me, "Have you done everything I instructed you to?"

"Yes, mother." I reply, "Wes has no idea that he was chosen as Life Servant by me, and of the challenge by my sister Nexa to take him off me."

"Good" she says, "The Federation are strangely backward in these matters; they might believe that Wesley Crusher has rights."

"That is true, mother" I concur, "However, once we are on Wondawowman, they will be subject to our laws. The Captain of this vessel and Wesley's mother may present some problems."

"Do not worry, daughter Karena." my mother assures me, "I am Queen Diana, and absolute ruler here. They won't be a problem."


A little while later, after much practising on the holodeck, Wesley, myself, Deanna Troi, Beverly Crusher and Captain Picard beam down to the co-ordinates on the surface. Wesley is looking a little worried, as if he is about to be given a lot of extra ironing.

"Welcome to Wondawowman, Captain Picard, Dr Crusher, Counselor Troi, Wesley, and of course, Karena." announces my mother, "I am Queen Diana, absolute ruler here."

"It is a pleasure, your Majesty" says the Captain, "May I ask why you needed us here?"

"NO YOU MAY NOT!!" she shouts, "You are just a man; I will tell you, and not just respond to your questions."

"Err..in that case, may I ask, your Majesty?" Deanna Troi inquires.

"Of course." my mother replies, "You are a woman. The reason is that since my daughter Karena chose Wesley as a Life Servant, her sister Nexa has expressed an interest and wishes to challenge Karena in a duel. The winner will have Wesley as Life Servant."

Captain Picard, Deanna Troi and Beverly Crusher look stunned.

As for Wesley, he has gone pale.

Perhaps he might be worried that he could lose me and have to serve my sister Nexa instead?

To be continued...


Vegeta said...

Hmph Diana is still like that all those years in the future? Bah! Hopefully I'm dead are far awayfrom her by then, She named a planet after herself , I see she's been talking to my father.

Darth Nepharia said...

These woman have lost the fine art of female persuasion. They should be able to tell the men to go to hell and make them look forward to the trip.

Hot Stuff the little devil said...

remind me never to visit that planet

Professor Xavier said...

Isn't it Star Fleet policy for officers to adopt the local dress when making First Contact? If not, maybe now would be a good time to create it.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I am sure that there are fates far worse than being a life servant to a good looking Wondawoman princess.

Anonymous said...

mmmmm I do wonder how Lord Vader would deal with all of this...I cannot imagine him or the Emperor doing ironing for any female but somehow the image that conjures in my head does make me smile!

Poor Wes... I hope he has plenty of hand cream to save him from dishpan hands.

Squirrel said...

Poor Wesley! I hope the Captain clomes up with a last minute plan to save the poor boy from a life of housework!! Being a housewife myself I know it is very tough, I don't think a man could handle it!

The Curmudgeon said...

Wesley may have gone pale because he is concerned about what he might be asked to do as a "Life Servant" whether of Karena or Nexa. I mean, he's been OK with the cooking and the cleaning and the polishing and all -- but he may be beginning to fear that there are other, uh, duties involved... which may be beyond his capacity.

He's probably thinking he should have disobeyed Captain's orders and touched something in the ship after all so that a sub-space anamoly would have sprung from seeming nowhere or at least a fire could have broken out... these he can handle (even if we can't).

SQT said...

Poor Wes. He seems doomed to the subservient role doesn't he? Who knows though, he might "inadvertently" blow something up by touching it thereby ending his servitude. We will just have to see....

Mother Jones RN said...

Poor kid, I hope the Captain can save him. And what's up with these women? I like Darth Nepharia's comment.


Nic said...

Genius, dear Captain! What a way to get him out of your hair once and for all!

Um, well, that would make Bev incredibly unhappy though and would in turn make you miserable...

Awwwww, heck, you're going to have to save him aren't you?

Doesn't that just bite?

M. C. Pearson said...

Glad you got the book! Horrah!

Poor sweet Wesley *cough* How horrible to have two women fighting for him to be their love slave. LOL

Dirk_Star said...

Whew, what an astounding night...
We can sleep now knowing our country is safer from acts of republican terrorism.

Phasers on Republican stunned! Wow, what an ass whipping.

By the by, please stop by OregonDistrict.com and help some of my good friends get a nice site off the ground. And stop by the house of the unholy, (thats me) and say hello!

Captain Berk said...

Both mother and daughter sound like fantastic examples of females.

I would imagine that even just getting a hug off them would involve my shirt being torn.

Douglas V. Gibbs said...

Now that the House is Democratic, Nancy Pelosi will ensure that all females of the US begin to think in this way.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Oh dear, Wes isn't going to need saving is he? I think I'd prefer him to be a Life Servant.

So many of you seem to be very sympathetic towards him.

Ellee Seymour said...

I didn't know women had duals, it all happens on your addventures!

Anonymous said...

You know, Captain, you really should spell yer name "Gene" 'cause all the gals spellses they names "Jean." Surprised ain't nobody tol' you that already.

You gonna be amazed at this 'cause this the honest gospel truth: I wuz typin' a kollege application in 1991 fer my boss' dauwter to go to Dartmouth up yonder in New Hamshire. Dauwter wanted her essay to be all about how in love with you she wuz an' how perferct a man you wuz an' all. But her daddy woodn't let'er do that essay an' her world got torned apart. Now she luvs Capt. Kirk but only platonically

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