Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Bev & Deanna Go Trekking (Part Two)
Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher
I don't know why I was so enthusiastic for Deanna and I to go exploring on Deva VI when we had some time off. She was keen on shopping in the mall, as usual, but no, I took her to this remote planet, and now we're in all sorts of trouble.
We've been fired on by someone from an above cliff top; we've hidden behind some rocks, and now someone is coming up to us....
"It's good to see you again, Beverly and Deanna" says the voice.
I look, and can't believe who it is; she has long red hair and is dressed in an all-red command outfit with Captain's stars.
It's me...or more likely Captain Beverly Howard from the alternate universe, where the Federation is known as the Federation Female Empire, as it is ruled by women.
"What are you doing here, Bev...errr...Captain Howard?" Deanna tactfully asks her.
"It's all the fault of that Captain Picard!" she replies angrily, "When he was aboard, he encouraged my loyal devoted follower Commander Troi to turn against me, with lies that men and women and should work together instead of being dominant over men. As a result, Troi and her minions put me in a pink Escape Pod, which went into the ion cloud and took me to your universe. The Pod crashed on this planet."
"Men and women ought to work together!" I tell me...I mean her. That might be a mistake as it will get her annoyed again.
"Fools!" Howard snaps, "I was hoping to recruit you both as loyal assistants, but I can see you are as blind to serving Picard as my Commander was."
We get up, ready to be led off to our inevitable doom, when I realise what I have in my pack; it's a good job I'm prepared.
"Distract her." I whisper to Deanna; she thinks for a momemt, and looks at the Captain.
"Err...nice hairdo, Captain Howard." comments Deanna.
I roll my eyes, but get out my phaser rifle., and quickly turn it to her.
"Back off, Captain Howard!" I tell her, "You're our prisoner now."
We take her back to the shuttle.
As we get ready, Howard chats to Deanna, who is holding the rifle."
"You have a lovely hairdo." says Howard, "Wherever did you have it done; I know I'd love mine like that."
"Thank you very much." replies Deanna, "I have mine done at..."
Before she can finsh her answer, Howard has jumped up, grabbed the gun and is pointing it at us.
"You'll never learn will you?" Howard tells us, "You wouldn't be good enough to be on my team. I'll take this shuttle and go. You can stay on the planet. However, to show womanly solidarity, I'll send a call to the Enterprise to collect you after I've gone."
A few hours later, we are in Jean-Luc's Ready Room, telling our story.
"Don't feel down about Beverly Howard getting away," Jean-Luc tells us, "I'm sure we will encounter her again. I'll just take the cost of the shuttle out of your salary."
"You're not going to do that, are you, Captain?" asks Deanna in astonishment.
"As you don't get paid, that's hardly likely to happen!" he replies.
Sometimes I think Jean-Luc has a very warped sense of humour!
Author's note: Just a few days left to put your Christmas Party Entry in! The deadline is Friday 1st December. See previous posts for details.