Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Halloween Party

Apologies for this not being published on the 31st. The Enterprise broadband ISP ceased to function, and I was left stranded!


It's not easy wearing a pair of fangs; they tend to keep falling out.

Beverly offered to surgically alter my teeth, but I'm just not keen on having that done; better just to have some false ones for the Halloween Party.

We've decided to hold the event in Holodeck 2, and the theme this year will be at Dracula's castle.

Naturally, I'm the vampire!

I look rather splendid dark outfit,, waistcoat, white shirt and black cape.

"I am.....Dracula" I say to myself in my best Bela Lugosi voice while standing in the corridor. Unfortunately a crewmember walks by and giggles as he walks away.

What does he know.

I meet Data at the entrance, dressed in a 19th century outfit.

"Hello, Captain" he says, "I am dressed as Jonathan Harker, the unfortunate man who visits Castle Dracula in the novel."

"Very good, Data" I reply, "Let's enter the holodeck and wait for the others"

I set the program.

"Computer, enter holodeck program 'Castle Dracula' Picard1"

"Confirmed; you may enter."

We go through and the castle is set, with creepy noises all around.

As we look around, Geordi comes in; he has a hunched back.

"I''ve come as Ygor, your assistant." he tells me.

"I thought that was Doctor Frankenstein?" replies a confused Data.

"Well, yes it was, but you've got to have a little artistic with these things."

Seven enters, but she has her regular Borg outfit on. As someone told her that she ought to come as she is to a Halloween party, Seven has complied. She still looks the scariest.

Riker enters with a dashing black cape and trilby; he has a collection of wooden stakes fastened to his belt.

"Van Helsing, I presume, Number One?" I ask.

"That's right, Captain," he replies, "He always wants to rid the world of vampires."

Sometimes I can't help feeling there is a subliminal message in Riker's choice of costume related to his position at Starfleet.

Beverly & Deanna then enter; they are wearing capes that cover themselves. Simultaneously, they throw off the capes.

I nearly choke on my fangs, as they are wearing micro-costumes. They must be the ones that were given to them by Vampirella .

Riker rushes to cover Deanna up, but she says she isn't interested. I ask Beverly what they have come as.

"We're the Brides Of Dracula." she exclaims triumphantly, then whispers in my ear, "Don't you like it, Jean-Luc?"

I admit I do.

With Worf here as the Wolfman, Jadzia here as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, and Trisha Lewis & Jennifer Baxter covered in fake blood as victims, the party is underway.

Worf is soon at the bloodwine and cheesy crunchies.

A familiar song echoes through the castle:

I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash

From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes

They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash

The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"

They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash

Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"

It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash

Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash

Seven looks puzzled at me.

"I still fail to see this human fascination with being scared, Locutus." she asks me, "Why do people celebrate being frightened."

"It's all part of the fun of Halloween" I reply.

"Well who is this 'Dracula' person?"

"He used to bite people on the neck and turn them into vampires, like he was" Riker goes on to explain, "Then they would bite other peoples necks and they would be vampires as well."

"Ah!" exclaims Seven, as if she understands everything, "This Dracula must be an early form of Borg that assimilates his victim. I can well understand you taking his part in this celebration of early Borg history."

I groan; sometimes, I know I'm not going to get anywhere with Seven.

After a few dances, Bev announces that the highlight of the evening is about to occur. She and Deanna get on the platform and begin to sing away, still in their Vampirella outfits.

When you see it's getting dark,
And is into the dead of night.
Get your fangs over here
If ever you fancy a bite.

If you want to fly your wings,
Swoop down to my way.
My neck is here for you,
All you have to do is say.


Later, I'm dancing with Bev. Suddenly, she's looking at my mouth.

"Glad I noticed, Jean-Luc." she says, "It's time for your dental check-up tomorrow."


The Curmudgeon said...

So you finally did get to see Beverly's costume... and then she only saw your molars.

I guess that bites, doesn't it, Captain?

heather said...

smashing report, cap'n!

UngaMan said...

lol... at least Seven understood... on her very own way...

I wonder if you Captain managed to bite Bev on the neck... hehe

Local Henchmen 432 said...

Wow Chicka wow wow.

dragonflyfilly said...

*sigh*...oh Jean-Luc...what can i say?,.... you are such a... *sigh*...boy! heh heh

Anonymous said...

alrighty then, i got something here! i got that you look smashing in your cape and need dental work, am i right? see, i'm getting it bee

Professor Xavier said...

Bev and Deanna looked quite hot. I think it might be time for the X-Men, or at least the X-Girls, to get a new costume.

UngaMan said...

lemme give you a hint professor: Storm


SQT said...

Who knew Klingon's liked cheesy crunchies? You learn something new everyday.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Just when I thought I had Monster Mash out of my head!

A belated Happy Halloween :)

Viamarie said...

Belated Happy Halloween! Have been having problems with my pc that's why I have not been able to visit lately.

Ellee said...

Glad to see normal services are resumed. You are lucky to have Bev and Deanna entertain you. Hope you don't have too painful a time at the dentist.

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

A Vampire? Interesting choice, Captain.

Darth Nepharia said...

Yes, but did she let you put the 'bite' on her later?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I had to get my teeth into the role.

Jaime H. said...

Happy Halloween, Captain! I've been away too long.

I've never thought of vampires as Borg-ish, but Seven makes an excellent point.

Count Dracula said...

Borg? I do not know if I should be insulted or flattered...

Either way... Allow me to clear up that I wasn't a vampire, like Vampi I am a drakulonian

Well... Happy Halloween... if you want to fix theteeth problem I could send a girl over for a quick bite

Vampirella said...

they look nice in those outfits...

Happy late Halloween

Having those fangs are always uncomfy...

I mean well as you can see with the diagrams

when not extended they go up into the jaw bone and gum not pleasant

Jen said...

How fun! You throw the best parties :-D

Osquer said...

Dentistry? Now that's scary!

carli said...

sounds a lot more exciting than my evening alone, eating candy corn and watching LAW AND ORDER:SVU.
Michele sent me.

nettie said...

*atttempts to save song in head before Christmas music is permanently implanted there*

Annelisa said...

Crikey, I'd forgotten about that record (think I've still got it up in the attic somewhere! :-) )

Bela Black said...

Well then, your Halloween was certainly a quite bit more fascinating than mine!

Live long and prosper.

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