Sixth Blogaversary!

Sixth Blogaversary!
 
Can it really be six years since I started my personal log? Yes it has. On April 30th back then. I'll have to get a few people's opinions on it all.

Bev, it's it's been six years since my log has started.

"Has it? Well done Jean-Luc. I can't chat right now as my head is in the sink and I'm washing my hair."

Number One?

"Sorry, sir. I'm in the Command chair right now, and we are negotiatiating through a tricky asteroid belt."

Deanna?



"Sorry Captain, I'm in my office talking to a patient."

Ro?

"I'm the patient!"

Britney? T'Pol?

"Captain, Brit and I are together in our quarters, if you know what I mean."

Jenny, Data?

"Sorry, sir, Data and I are in the Enterprise Cinema watching I,Robot."

Geordi?

"Sorry, sir, the engines are not working properly."

Jadzia? Worf?

"We are practicimng with our Bat'leths."

Guinan?



"Have you seen how busy it is here in Ten Forward?"

Seven?

"I am regenerating in my alcove."

Queenie?

"I'd love to, Locutus, but I have a star system to assimilate."

Karena? Wes?

"Can't right now, Captain, we are watching Sheena spear throwing."

Boothby?

"Can't you see I'm busy, you young whippersnapper!"

Lwaxana?

"Oh, hello. So good to here from you. Going on a date right now, though."

Anna?

"I'm not talking to you since you fired me last week!"

Err....Natalia?



"Ah, Jean-Luc. I really would want to talk with you for a LONG time, but an Ambassador meeting has just come up."

That's it. I give up. I'll have to call Q!

"Thanks for the call, Mon Capitano! Congrats on your little milestone. Can't drop in. I'm dating the female Q right now. She is a definate priority."

All of the above seem to get in at some time, but when I want them......

Hope you all enjoyed the last six years!

Picard's Log Secretary (Part Two)

Editor's Note:

All comments in italics are written by Anna (Captain Picard's new Log Secretary) Any misspellings and grammatical errors are entirely due to her! I have correctly spelt (I hope) trhe words not issued by Anna.



Hi! I'm Anna, and I'm gonna be writing this log. naturally the Captin has alreddy told me wot to say, but I'm tiepin it all down now.

"What's the new girl like, Jean-Luc?" asks Bev quietly when she comes in. Anna continues to type.

The bloomin' cheek! That redhed talks like I'm not in the room! I can tell she's got the hots for old baldy. Wouldn't it be a shok if she came in and saw me sitting in his lap taking notes?

"She's fine I reply, "Although I must have a word with her about her dress sense. Her clothes are too short, and the way she buttons that blouse..."



"Do you want me to wear them?" giggles Bev, so that my Log Secretary doesn't hear.

"Don't you usually when no one is around?" I reply.

Will you pare get a room?? I have to sit hear and listen to these two at it all the time. He should have got sumone wiv poorer hearing.

Deanna and Will enter. Both look at Anna.



"Hello." Deanna says to Anna, "Do you like it here?"

"Yes, it's very pleasant." my Secretary replies in a neutral voice.

Here's anuvver cupple that go off with each other! The beardy guy and the dark haired woman spent the night together. You can see that this ship is like! Ho Ho!.

"She's not bad, sir." whispers Will in my ear.

There's anuvver eying me up!

 I need to unbutton my blouse a bit. It's too stuffy in here.



That's better.

I decide to go over and take a look at Anna's progress so far. I look horrified.

"What's this supposed to be, Anna?" I ask angrily.

"It's your official log, sir." Anna answers. I notice she has unbuttoned her blouse even more.

"You are not supposed to put your own thoughts into the log, or pictures of yourself!" I tell her, "It is meant to be my viewpoint, not my empty-headed secretary, who clearly has no idea about spelling, grammer or syntax."

What's he talking about tin tacks for? That's insultin to say I'm no good at spellin.

"Have you seen what she's said about you and me, Will?" calls out a frantic Deanna, "Bev, she's said a few things about you, too."

"Youi're fired, Anna!" I tell my Log Secretary, who shrugs her shoulders and picks up her make-up bag and departs.

"It's okay." she says as she walks out,  "An Admiral on Earth had asked me to be his Secretary and take the minutes at the meetings he attends."

"Those minutes that Anna produces should be most entertaining!" laughs Bev.

Picard's Log Secretary (Part One)

It's tough doing this and writing the log for the starship. It seems that nowadays I just don't have to do it.

I tell Bev this as we get up this morning.




"You have to do your personal and ship's log, Jean-Luc." Bev reminds me as I clean my teeth, "It's one of the most important jobs a ship's Captain has to do."

"I know that, sweetheart." I tell her, "But I've thought of a way round that. "I'll hire a secretary who can take my thoughts as a quote them round them ship during the day, and then compose them into suitable entries."

"You'll probably end up with an empty headed glamorous blonde who can't spell and will say something like "Is there anything you'd like me to take down for you, Captain Picard.?" Bev tells me sarcastically.

"Don't be prejudicial, Bev." I reply, "Starfleet will probably send a male who has a First in English at Oxford or Cambridge."

"We'll see." smiles Bev.

A few hours later, we are at Starbase 5, awaiting the beaming over of my new Log Secretary. Bev and I are both ready.



A statuesque blonde beams over. She is wearing a revealing white blouse and a micro-mini skirt. She also has endless legs.

"Hi!" she exclaims in an over-enthusiastic manner, "Are you Captain Picard? I'm Anna, your new Log Secretary. We're sure gonna have fun together, ain't we?

Anna gets her recorder, plus a pen and pad.

"Is there anything you'd like me to take down for you, Captain Picard?" she brightly enquires. I cringe.

Bev tries to stop laughing, but digs her elbow in my ribs every time my eyes wander to Anna's legs.

"There I was, assuming your secretary would be an empty headed glamorous blonde." Beverly comments drily, "I womnder how her version of Log entry will look?"

To be continued...

TWQ: Wedding Fever

Next Friday, Prince William and Catherine Middleton get married at Westminster Abbey in London. As a result, this week's TWQ (the Weekend Question) has a wedding flavour.

Can you tell us any incidents that happened at your wedding, or at a wedding you visited? 

My answers are:

* Most of my cousins got married in the 1970's. Those were the times when brides wore short skirts and the grooms wore extra wide kipper ties. One can always tell the time period by looking at the wedding shots. Those taken in the early 1950's look like they are from ancient times.

* In the weddings I've been to, the reception is when the bride and groom's family are together...seemingly. The groom's family usually sits on one half of the hall while the the bride's sit's on the other. They then spend the rest of the night sizing each other up, usually saying they are not good enough!

Now it's over to you......

Deanna Abducted (Part Four)

Editors Note:

Deanna Troi has been abducted by an all-female group of mobsters named The SisterHood. These gangsters secretly control crininal activity in the city and in many other places, even into space. They have Deanna in order to replace the stripper that they liquidated as she tried to get away. Deanna has been practising in the club, The Girly GoGoBar, and is about to do her first performance as DeeDee Delmar. The Starfleet officers are trying to find the Counselor, but so far, no luck.



Guest Poster: Lieutenant Britney

"What are we doing around here., Brit?" asks T'Pol, "Deanna is hardly likely to be here, is she?"

"I know that, sweetie." I answer, "But Starfleet has hundreds of officers around. They won't miss a couple of us for half an hour."



"This must be the seediest part of San Francisco." my girlfriend complains, "Anyone wearing a flower in their hair would find it dead in seconds. Even the rats have moved out in pursuit of better accommodation."

We walk on till I find I building with a photo of a semi-naked dancer in front of it. The words 'THE GIRLY GO-GO BAR" are emblazoned on the front.

"I know we like it here, Brit." T'Pol points out, but why are we going here now?"

"Because I looked on my SpaceBook, and I read a message that a hot new dancer named DeeDee Delmar was starting tonight." I answer.

"Really?" T'Pol asks, "Then I guess we ought to be there to give her our support."

"Just what I was thinking!"" I smile, "Come on, let's go in."



The large auditorium is dark and smoky. There are many men and women all waiting for the first appearance of the new female performer.

"Ladies and gentlemen." announces a husky woman's voice over the intercom system, "The Girly GoGo Bar is proud to announce the first performance by our new artist, Miss DeeDee Delmar!"

We all cheer; being late arrivals, we are somewhat at the back. A statuesque brunette in a black dress comes on. She also has black stockings and long black gloves.

"She looks a hot one, Brit." laughs T'Pol. I agree. DeeDee effortlessly slides her gloves off and casts them away. The slow seductive music helps with the effect..

"Actually." remarks my friend, "She looks vaguely like someone we've met before. I can't place her. Let's get nearer the stage."



"Good grief!" I exclaim, "It's Deanna!". We rush forward. The Counselor is about to climb the pole wearing her underwear and stockings when she sees us. She gives us the deaf language sign of  'HELP ME'. Two burly heavies rush forward to intercept., but we kick the stage steps down and they fall. We grasp Deanna. I activate my Com. "This is Britney. Three to beam up!"

--------------

A few hours later, we are all talking with Casptain Picard.

"What I don't understand." asks the Captain to T'Pol and myself, "Is how you knew Deanna would be there in that club."

"Err..."  begins T'Pol.

"What she means, Captain." I interrupt, "Is that we err...shown her picture to a group around that area and they said she had been seen practising in the club."

"I see, most interesting." Picard comments, in a way that he doesn't believe our story, but is glad to have Deanna back.

"What about the SisterHood, Captain." Riker asks.

"They all scattered as soon as Deanna was taken., Number One." the Captain tells him, "The Girly GoGo Bar was empty when we investigated. They will reappear sometime. We need to destroy their crime syndicate."

"Come on, Will." says a tired Deanna, "Take me back to our quarters so I can sleep. Before I do, though, I want to show you a new dance I've learnt."

The two live the Ready Room. Picard raises his eyebrows, while T'Pol and I laugh out loud.

Deanna Abducted (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

Things aren't looking too good right now. I was kidnapped by an evil group of female mobsters called The SisterHood.  They have taken me so that I can be the new stripper at one of their seedy clubs named The Girly GoGo Bar. If I make any attempt to call out or run away during a performance, they will kill me. Right now, I am still training who my first night, which will come up soon.

"Come on Deanna!"  shouts Number Two as I rehearse during the day, "You can do better than that!" I have just fallen over my dress while trying to take it off.

"I don't get it." I tell her, "Why do you women run strip clubs at all? Surely it's very demeaning?"



"Hah!" laughs the red-haired Number Two, "The SisterHood will make money, and we don't care how we do it. Drugs, racketeering, strip clubs, blackmail..any crime there is. The customers pay us in latinum bars to get in and and throw old fasioned money at the women...which we confiscate and convert into more latinum."

"Starfleet will find me." I warn her.

"No they won't." she retorts, "They are indeed combing San Francisco and investigating everywhere, but they won't think of looking in an out of the way strip club."

I've got to admit it; she's right.

"Now let's get back into your training, Deanna" Number Two orders me, "Drop your dress and jump on the pole, twisting around."

I do so, and climb on the pole, hanging upside down by my legs. As I feel myself sliding down, in order not to fall on my head, I have to somersault off to land on my feet.

"Great, Deanna!" claps Number Two, "Let's include it in your act. Now let's pick the dress you'll wear before you start taking it off. Put this on."



I must admit, I rather like it, until I remember that I've got to take to take it off everyday plus my underwear to a cheering crowd.

"We'll find a couple more dresses for you to use on other occasions." Number Two tells me, "Oh, and before I forget, we'll have to give you a stripper name. Can't have you billed as Deanna Troi! From now on, you'll be DeeDee Delmar."

What an awful name!

Number One, the Leader of The SisterHood comes in.



"Is she ready yet, Number Two?" she asks her second in command.

"Yes., Number One." Two replies, "She's got a great stage act. Say hello to DeeDee Delmar."

"Good. Deanna, your first performance will be in a couple of days."

To be continued......

TWQ: Favourite Computer Games

Computer games were very big in the late '80's and '90's. TWQ (the Weekend Queestion asks what your favourites were.

What were you favourite computer games when they were at their height? List as many as you wish and tell us about them.

My answers are:

* Dragon's Fury: A fantasy pinball game

* Manic Miner 1 & 2: Platform game with hidden levels

* Sonic The Hedgehog: The original and the best version

* Baldur's Gate 1 & 2: A Dungeons & Dragons epic story

* Morrowind: Another role playing game.

Now it's over to you....

Deanna Abducted (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

I have got SUCH a headache!

There I was, shopping with Beverly in the Starfleet Mall. Suddenly she tells me that she thinks two burly men and a woman are following us. She suggests that we gewt away from them by going into a shop with a revolving door. I'm about to follow her, but before I can, I'm grabbed and beamed away.

I look around; I'm in a dingy room. It looks like all those fab bargains didn't come with me. If I've lost those, I'm gonna be SO mad! I just hope Bev picked them all up when she came out.

Now to the matter in hand; the door is open, so I'm hightailing it out of this rat hotel.


"You will stay where you are!" says the man-mountain I run into. Clearly, he must have been one of those who followed me. I go back and sit down like a good girl.

A few hours later, I'm starting to get desperate.



"Hey! Is anyone there?"

"Keep quiet, Deanna" a female voice says, "There is no one to help you here."

A sinister looking woman in dark glasses comes in.




Another woman in dark glasses follows behind, then another. Are they all having eyesight problems?

"You may call me Number One" says the fist woman, "We are the leaders of the female organisation known as the Sisterhood."

"Never heard of them." I say dismissively.

"Then that's to our credit." she smiles in triumph, "We keep our underworld activities strictly under the radar, and control many public organisations. We are an all-female group, except for the two heavies we employ, and we may not even need them soon."

"Better hope they didn't here that!" I say sharply, "What do you want of me?"

"Ah." answers Number One, "You are in a somewhat seedier part of San Francisco, a little away from the Starfleet. This is one of the clubs we operates, the Girly-GoGo Bar. You see, Deanna, we were on the look out for a new tall brunette to take the place of Minette, whom we had to execute as she tried to escape."

"You mean you want me here as a stripper?" I ask astonished, "I won't do it!"

"Yes you will!" orders Number One, "If you try and get away or call out for anyone to rescue you during your stage act, then your fate will be the same as poor Minette. Now I suggest you look through the dresses and try to practice your routine. Your first performance will be in a few days."

With that, Number One and her entourage walk out, leaving the man-mountain guarding the room.

To be continued after the TWQ.....

Deanna Abducted (Part One)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

Deanna Troi are shopping in the Starfleet Mall. All the shopowners know us well, as whenever the Enterprise returns to Earth, one can be sure this is where we will visit.

"This is SO much fun!" squeals Deanna, who is already weighed down with her heavy shopping bags."

"I agree." I tell her, "But these owners aren't giving the items away. We DO have to pay for them in some way."



"Spoilsport!" laughs Deanna, "Live now, pay later, I say. Shopping is as much fun as you know what." giggle.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

The Betazoid whispers in my ear. We both laugh and I say, "You're filthy at times, Deanna."

"Yeah." she agrees, "Aren't I just!"

We walk on, and continue to acquire enough new things that won't fit in our wardrobes.

Gradually, I notice something. Two burly men and a young woman are behind us.



"Deanna!" I say quietly, "I think we are being followed."

"Why shouldn't we be?" my shopping-mad friend laughs, "We're attractive women."

"I don't think that's the reason." I say with a concerned look, "Let's go in this shop. Follow me!"

I go in the revolving door first, expecting Deanna to be in the next slot round.

She isn't.

"Deanna!" I shout, and go back outside. The Betazoid is nowhewe to be found. I notice that just in front of the revolving door, all the shopping bags that Deanna was carrying are scattered everywhere. I know that if she could help it, Troi would NEVER leave her shopping behind!

Those three unsavoury types have grabbed her.

To be continued....

TWQ: Film & TV Irritants

There are always things about a film or TV programme. TWQ (the Weekend Question) invites you to share your opinions.

Can you name some things in as film or TV programme that annoy you? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* The obvious 'product placements' that are scattered throughout. The characters might as well stop through their lines and say "Why don't you buy these?"

* The loud adverts that happen. The makers claim this is not so. Who do they think they are kidding?

* The programmes or films where every other word is a profanity by every character, as if they are clones. Not everyone talks likes this, no matter what the director may say.

* Obvious 'token' races put in to establish a quota. Put people in because they are best suited.

Now it's over to you....

Sheena's First Birthday Party (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Sheena

"Mommy and Daddy have got a big surprise for you!" is the sound I hear from my noisy parents. The sheer volume nearly sends me up in the air.

Don't they realise that I'm a baby trying to sleep peacefully? There is always some noise going on, but this takes the cake.



Mommy scoops me up, which leaves me hanging on to the crib for dear life. My little hand doesn't succeed, and I am in her arms.

"Mommy and Daddy are going to take you to somewhere VERY special." she beams, "You don't know what day it is, do you?"

She is talking in riddles. I know that she has often told Daddy that he doesn't know what day it is when he has done something wrong. It looks like I'm in the soup this time, although my amazonian parent seems rather cheerful about it all."

Grown ups. I can never understand them.

They take me through the Enterprise corridors. Everyone who approaches looks cheerful. Mommy asks if they have bought a present. When one woman says "Yes", Mommy replies, "Well you can come, then."

Come where.

We go through the doors and there is a huge cheer, and a sign saying 'HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY TO SHEENA'.

What? Am I one year old. Time does fly. I am getting old.

Captain Picard and Daddy's Mommy come forward with a big box.



"Happy first birthday, Sheena." the redheaded woman says to me, "May you have many more." She bends down and drowns me in kisses.

"My turn, Bev." the Captain informs her, then proceeds to do the same. I hope this isn't going to go on all night. It's a lot to take to ensure I get some pressies.

A woman in a red, white and blue outfit pushes them aside. I see that it is Mommy's Mommy, Queen Diana, plus my aunt Nexa.



"I've bought you a lovely new spear." she tells me, "You've outgrown your first one and need another. Your mommy and I want to ensure that you grow up to be a powerful amazonian Princess and eventually head our people."

What if I want to be a pop star?

Eventually, Aunt Nexa scoops me up and gives me the kissing treatment.



"Who's the best looking baby there is?" she asks as she gives me the kisses.

Right. That's that. Let's have some fun at this party.

"Wes." Mommy comments, "You can take Sheena to the sitter now. Time for the adults to enjoy the party."

Hey! What's all this? It's my party!

I'm taken away, and in the background I see the adults jiving on the dancefloor as the music plays away.

You can be sure I'm going to make trouble for that sitter!

Sheena's First Birthday Party (Part One)

Guest Poster: Karena

With the first birthday party of my daughter, Karena, I'm making sure the the crew of the Rhode Island are in a celebratory mood. Every so often, I give a crew member a poke with my spear and ask them if they've bought something nice was a pressy.




"Honey!" whispers my husband Wesley Crusher, "You can't go around giving hints for people to buy presents. It's up to them to choose whether to do so."

"Well, they'd better." I reply sharply, "If they don't, they'll be off my Christmas card list and be ventilated by my spear. Hears the Captain."

Wes pleads with me not to ask Captain Hernandez to bring a present.



"Hello Karena and Wesley." Erika says with a smile, "I hope things are going well with the preparations, "Commander Hathaway and I will be looking forward to coming."

"Wes and I will be glad to see you both." I say as calmly as possible, although without my husband's restraint, I probably would have said, "Just because you and Commander Mark Hathaway are living together, don't expect one present to count."

The two of us make our way to hall where everything is being assembled. The band are practising. Right now they sound very out of tune. The catering is being laid out.

"Sheena is going to enjoy all this." Wes comments cheerily.



"We all are, Wes." I reply, "When opening timne comes, you stand by the door and make a note of all those who haven't come with a present. We'll put them on the blacklist afterwards."

Wes rolls his eyes, then goes back to our quarters to get Sheena. She is the honoured guest. One year old!

To be continued.......

TWQ: Public Holidays

At the end of April (29th), there is a one-off extra public holiday in Britain to celebrate the Royal Wedding that is happening on the day. TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks about public holidays.

Which public holidays would you like to see added on and removed. add as many as you wish, and put some humour in if you wish.

My answers are:

Added:


Trafalgar Day: A good time in October as there are no public holidays between the end of August and Christmas.

Election: A good idea to have a holiday whenevedr there is an election over the country.

Monday: We could all do with Monday off!

Deleted:

May Day: A political day that was put in years ago amongst the many others.

Now it's over to you....