Sunday, March 30, 2008

Your New Borg House



Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

Hello.

This is the Borg Queen, and I'm sending this newsletter out to all those species who, for some reason, think the Borg race are terrifying and destroy everything, including your will and identity and turn them into robotic machines.

I am stating here and now that none of this is true.

All right, we DO turn you into robotic machines, the Borg ARE a little scary, we DO tend to destroy a few things, and I'll grant you, we DO remove your will and identity. But don't let all these minor details cloud your opinion of us. It is a good life to be a member of the Borg.

Just to show you how exciting it is, and the rewards you will get, I'm handing you over to One of Eight, who is head of the Borg Organisational Group (BOG)

---------------------



Thank you, Borg Queen.

Now I know what you're thinking the life of a Borg drone is. Straight in the Assimilation Chamber, then off to work in the Cube, with the occasional regeneration in an alcove. This is not true. As Head of BOG, I'm going to set the record straight.

The drones do get time off, and have homes of their own on various planets around the galaxy. After a term on a Cube, you get a spell of leave in the home that we have for you.

Now if you're a drone, having just been assimilated, your new house may look like one of these.



You'll have no chance of any troublesome neighbours. They will be drones as well. What could be better? A great place where everyone will always have something in common.

Now after you've served us for some years, and have moved up in the ranks, you'll find your Borg house will increase in quality. In reward for your many years of assimilating and wiping out races, you'll get a luxury house such as this one.



So you see what a great life we Borgs have.

Don't delay, get assimilated today!

Now I'll hand you back to the Borg Queen.

---------------

Thank you, One of Eight. That was an excellent presentation, don't you think? If you wish to know further details, contact us on assimilateme.com and we'll be round with our Home Assimilation Service.

We're waiting to hear from you!

16 comments:

Ellee Seymour said...

I would have imagined they would send people to live in much more luxurious accommodation.

Michael Manning said...

I miss the good looking girls. But on the other hand, absence makes the heart grow fonder!

Linda said...

Perhaps I should become assimilated? Those houses look so much better than my own!

Lahdeedah said...

Why not just do 'Borg Life, the Reality Show?'

Lets see what goes on INSIDE those homes....

Casdok said...

Yes excellent presentation!!

Inertia said...

um sorry no i think not

Bilbo said...

Ahhhh...now I see a way to resolve the mortgage crisis here in the States...If we can just convince the Queen to assimilate a few bankers, brokers, real estate agents, and lawyers, we could probably clear this mess up straightaway!

Amanda said...

I really like those houses. Going to sign up right now!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I thought there might be a few people willing to get assimilated after seeing those houses!

The Curmudgeon said...

Your Majesty, if you could just clue me in on the Medical, Dental and Pension benefits, please? I'm certainly leaning in favor of joining up....

The Heroslayer said...

How delightfully evil!

Superman said...

I'll just stick with the Fortress of Solitude.

Merlyn Gabriel said...

wow....nice homes....

but I am not so sure being assimilated is worth it...

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I almost want to be assimilated now. But I have a feeling there's definitely a catch.

Ellee Seymour said...

I'm hoping you will make MM's dream come true with your next post.

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