Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Ensign Britney Undercover (Part Five)
Guest Poster: Ensign Britney
Things don't seem to be going well on my undercover mission, infiltrating the counterculture group The Dregs of Society.
One of the members, Vyla, is very suspicious of me, though I am liked by Tamara, who bought me in to the group and by Desdemona Dreg, their leader.
She has revealed that the Dregs' plan is to break Dirk Dreg out of the penal colony. I can't get this information out, as my life would be worth less than a Ferengi's 'money back guarantee'.
Besides that, I like the anarchic lifestyle they have. However, I have to put that aside and try and complete the mission.
Desdemona approaches me, as we all wait for the signal to start to break-out mission.
"Britney, honey." she says, "I want to get your details on on the Dreg database, so that you are established as a fully fledged Dreg."
"Sure." I reply, and take out some chewing gum and sit back.
"You've got a great laid-back style, Britney." she comments, "I'm sure you'll be one of the top Dregs within a short time. Ones like Vyla are not leadership material. Now I'll just switch on the computer."
"Now then." Desdemona continues, "Name, Britney. Planet of Origin, Delta. Have you ever been in jail?"
"Oh, sure, lots of times." I reply.
Considering the amount of times I've been in the Enterprise brig, that's no lie.
"That's super." she comments, "What were you put in jail for?"
"Not conforming to rules, anarchic behaviour, annoying other people, refusal to obey orders."
"That is just great!" says Desdemona as she types the information in, "You sound like the Ideal Dreg."
I wouldn't have thought telling the absolute truth would be so handy.
Suddenly, she is called away from the computer, as another member wants her for something.
I see my opportunity. I take a computer chip from the heel of my Dr Marten boots, slip it into the computer and take a copy of the entire Dreg database.
With this, Starfleet will be able to track and jail every Dreg there is. I feel a tang of regret for having to do this, but it will ensure the success of my mission.
Desdemona returns, with an excited look on her face, as if she has got the winning ticket in her box of Galaxy Corn Flakes.
"Britney!" she exclaims, "You'll never believe who we've captured! An actual member of Starfleet!"
She indicates to Tamara to bring the prisoner in.
I look in horror as I see it is my soulsistah T'Pol!
The two of us exchange glances, but say nothing to indicate that we already know each other.
"We've talked to her a lot, Britney" says Desdemona, "But this one is a tough one, saying something like members of the Terran Empire never talk."
Desdemona places a disruptor in my hand.
"For your first mission, Britney." she says, "You can disintegrate this Starfleet lackey."
T'Pol and I look at each other in mutual horror at hearing this.
I have never so panic stricken since the day I was told that Delta Gum, my favourite chewing gum was ceasing production.
To be continued...