Thursday, December 27, 2007

Q's Visit

Guest Poster: Q

With things so slack around the Q Continuum, events are just bor-ing. The rest of the council have barred me playing Interplantary Pool with three planets and a giant comet. They say we beings should be more responsible.

How stuffy can you get? I think that they must be getting old. Not that us Q beings ever grow old, but that's beside the point.

The only way to bring some brightness and to cheer me up us to visit my old friend Jean-Luc Picard on the Enterprise. I know he loves to see me and have a chat.

All right; that's not exactly true. He can't stand me dropping in, but I enjoy winding him up.


I appear on the Bridge, wearing a Mexican outfit and singing a typical song extra loud, just to get him going.

There is nobody there; the Bridge is empty.

"What's going on!" I say to myself, this is not good.

Looking outside, I see the ship is in Space Dock.

Suddenly, the Bridge doors open, and a little old lady comes in with a mop, water bucket and a cleaning pan. A cigarette is hanging out of her mouth.

"Out of the way, dearie" she says, wiping the floor underneath me, so I get wet, "You shouldn't be here."

"Who are you?" I reply, "Where are the crew?"

"Don't you know it's Christmas, dearie?" the woman tells me, "I'm Edna Smith, the Starfleet cleaning lady. The crew have all gone for their Christmas break, leaving me to work my fingers to the bone in making this place look presentable."

She sits on her bucket for a moment, takes a drag on her cigarette, which makes Edna emit a wheezing cough that could strip paint. She then lights up another cigarette.

"I'm trying to give them up." she tells me, "I'm doing well. I used to smoke three a time, now I only do one a time."

Another wheezing cough later, Edna gets up, throws a half-smoked cigarette into the water bucket and lights another one. Her mop goes into the water bucket and carries on cleaning.

I decide to go somewhere else. The fair Lady Kathryn Janeway must be keen to see me. After all, those on Voyager haven't got anywhere to go.

Before I do leave, I blink, and the Enterprise is spotlessly clean.


"What do YOU want, Q?" is Kathryn's first words when I appear on the Bridge of the Voyager.

"Why, my dear Kathryn." I say in a happy voice, "It is merely to wish you the compliments of the season."

"We'll all wish you a very Happy Christmas if you bring us back to Earth." Tom Paris pipes up. How annoying.

"You may wish that." I reply, "But it is against the order of things. You have the ability to get home by yourselves."

"Why are you here, Q?" Chakotay comments sourly, "Did the Enterprise throw you off?"

I give them all party hats and get Christmas music to play around the ship. A lot of the crew smile at this reminder of home.

"Thank you for that, Q" Kathryn says with a smile, "It is good for morale."

I suddenly produce a mistletoe and hold it over Kathryn hopefully.

"Don't push it, Q" she warns me.

Before she knows it, I have given her the fastest of kisses and vanished back into the Continuum.

That's the fun of being a Q entity. One can get away with things like that.


kontan said...

Gotta love Q! Cute. Hope your holidays are special!

Here from Michele's

Jaime said...

I love it! Q is my favorite, and what a great story to come home to!

Hope you had a Merry Christmas!

Jane said...

I am a fan of "Q's"!!
I also want the starfleet cleaning lady to clean my house.....she's FAST!

Jen said...

Yay, Q for Christmas!

Can you send him to my house to clean up in a blink? Thanks!

Jana said...

That was unusually thoughtful of Q, but then I always knew he had a semi-decent side.

Linda said...

Like Jen, I could use a visit from Q to help me clean up, too! Double the teenagers means double the mess and I am too worn out to do more than glare at it at this point!

I hope that Edna the cleaning lady appreciated Q's thoughtfulness in cleaning the Enterprise for her. Gives her more time to sit and smoke her nasty cigarettes!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Q is sneaky sneaky..I wonder if the peeps of the Enterprise will ever run into the crew of the Red Dwarf...

Professor Xavier said...

That Q sure has a wacky sense of humor.

Chris W. said...

I like the Dark Mistress' comment. Maybe an entry on that, or an entry with The Doctor (with TARDIS) materializing in the shuttle bay. Intruder alert, indeed!

Michael Manning said...

A cleaning woman named Edna! Cheers!! And I hope the grounding is over soon!!!!:)

Amanda said...

I LOVE Q! He's the best! And helpful too this time. I've always thought that he had a heart somewhere beneath all that cheekiness.

Bilbo said...

Put my name on the list for the blink-of-an-eye cleaning service...I haven't seen the surface of my desk in months.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

That is a crazy Q.

Wait, aren't Crazy Q's a type of French fry?

Marlupe said...

Q was a favorite of mine for sure. frustrating at times, but a favorite!

Titania Starlight said...

That was quite cheeky of Q but also sweet. Gotta love that childlike optimism of his. :o)

Just a trumpet player said...


Michele sent me your way to wish you Happy Holidays!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I think Q was annoyed at Starfleet giving an entire starship for Edna to clean.

I can see you're all queuing (no pun intended)to get Q's super cleaning!

Lahdeedah said...

I'm surprised Q didn't light up with her, out of sheer boredom.

Wha will the crew be doing for the New Year, I wonder?

Gordon said...

Q is a scamp isn't he, I mean he won't be able to get away with that mistletoe trick again will he :P

Mayden' s Voyage said...

You just have to love the idea of a "Smoochy Q"... I do :)

November Rain said...

trying to catch up on some reading...

Late merry xmas and happy new year JP

as for Q I am sure when he returns from his important gathering Galen will comment as well... (or maybe not depending how long his thing takes)

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