New Years Eve

It's time to board the Enterprise again after our Christmas break.

Over the last few days, it has been in Space Dock being cleaned by the latest Starfleet techniques, so we are all ready to fly to uncharted parts of the galaxy.

After we've had our New Year's Eve Party, of course.

All of the crew are about to board, with me leading the way when we are stopped by a little old lady who is carrying a mop, a cleaning pan and a bucket. She is smoking a cigarette and already has another lit ready to replace it.


"Hold it right there!" she says, and then emits a wheezing cough.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"I'm Edna Smith, the Starfleet cleaning lady." she replies, "And I'm here to warn you not to make a mess of this ship again. If it hadn't been for the help of that nice Mister Q, I'd still be there now, working my fingers to the bone..."

"Q!" I exclaim, "Q has been on the ship?"

"Yes." Edna replies, "Such a charming man. A real friendly gentleman. It's too bad there aren't more people like him running Starfleet."

Riker laughs and I give out a grudging mumble.

"Now see here, Mrs Smith." I tell her, "You'll have to go, as we are on an urgent mission."

"You mean your New Year's Party?" Edna replies sharply, "Now let me tell you, Captain, "I saw bloodwine stains all over the carpets. Everywhere was a disgrace. Can't your crew behave themselves? If not, I can't let you on to celebrate the New Year."

There is a groan from the 1000 plus crew behind me. Worf steps forward.

"Now see here, madam." he tells Edna in an officious voice, "I shall be forced to remove you if you do not comply with the Captain's wishes."

"You would manhandle a defenceless old woman?" she tells him, "I've been doing this job over 50 years." Edna then proceeds to push the wet mop in Worf's face.

"How about if we let you come to the party, Mrs Smith?" I suggest, "After all, we are not leaving Space Dock until the party is over."

Edna contemplates this. "You're on." she says.

Somehow, I think this is what she wanted all along!

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It's New Years's Eve and the Party is in full swing in Ten Forward.



"How do you think the party is going, Jean-Luc?" Beverly asks me, as Vic Fontaine sings another from his New Year set.

"Very well, Bev." I reply, "Edna Smith is enjoying herself. I can see Ensign Barclay was a little shocked when she grabbed him and tried to dance the Bossa Nova."



Ensign Britney came in her blonde wig, but it wasn't long before she tried to take of the microphone off Vic and wanted to sing an X-rated version version of Auld Lang Syne. Fortunately, Worf's team of security got to her and now she's in her natural habitat...the brig.

"What am I going to do with that girl, Counselor? I ask Deanna.

"I'm not sure." she replies, "She was the subject of a whole Couselor's Conference at one stage, but they all gave up."

"All right, folks," Vic shouts out, "It's nearly midnight. Get your loved ones near you and your lips ready..."

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?
Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes
And pou'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.

We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.

And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a right good willie-waught,,
For auld lang syne.

Bev and I both kiss, as do all the other couples. Seven Of Nine approaches me.

"I do not understand the lyrics of this song." she complains.

"Perhaps you should have assimilated Robert Burns?" I say with a wry comment. Seven leaves, none the wiser.

Beverly laughs.

"Would it have been a good idea to have all the Borg talking like Robert Burns?"

"Possibly not." I reply, "But they might have written a few good poems."

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Author's Note:
To all the readers of my Journal, I wish them a very Happy New Year!