Why does my head feel like a hammer is striking it constantly?
I close down the Christmas Party on the Sands holodeck and stagger towards the Bridge in a dazed manner. All the drew are walking around in a state of semi-consiousness as if they are a group of zombies on the march.
I reach the turbolift and mumble where I wish to go. Hopefully Data is manning the ship while the crew are recovering from the Party.
"Please repeat." says the computer.
Struggling, I pick myself up from the floor and find a wall to hold on to.
"Take-me-to-the-Bridge." I say slowly and methodically.
The turbolift opens at the Bridge and I fall out on to the floor.
The trio of voices is not those I was expecting to hear, and I look up to see who they are.
In the Captain's chair is the Doctor in his Emergency Command Hologram setting; to his right, in the ship's com chair is Vic Fontaine, and in Riker's Chair is the Borg Queen, who is still wearing her blue paper hat from a Christmas cracker.
"Just what is going on?" I ask before I fall on the floor again, "Where is Lieutenant Commander Data?"
"I regret to inform you that Commander Data is not capable of functioning right now." the Doctor tells me, "He is currently undergoing recharging after the excess energy that was used during the Party."
"I know how he feels" I reply, "Right now, I am not capable of functioning, and require recharging as well."
"As a result." the Doctor continues snootily, "I took it upon myself to change to the Emergency Command Function so that I may run the ship."
"No matter that I am better at running the ship." interrupts the Borg Queen, "As the Queen in charge of Unimatrix 01, I have more experience at command than you do."
"You are a Borg." the Doctor tells her, "I am qualified to run a Starship when in this Mode.
"I would have assimilated you had you not been a hologram!" the Borg Queen says angrily.
They continue to argue.
"It's been like this since the three of us came on the Bridge, Captain." Vic Fontaine tells me, "Both think they are better at leadership."
"Not only that, Captain." the Doctor tells me, "I have had to hear Mr Fontaine singing away to himself, with tunes like 'Fly Me To The Moon' and 'I've Got You Under My Skin.' Well I can tell you, Mr Fontaine, you got under MY skin!"
"What about you, Doctor?" Vic retorts, "You've been singing pieces of opera all the time. It's worse than hearing nails scrape down a blackboard."
"I've had to listen to BOTH of them, Locutus." the Borg Queen tells me, "Which is more than anyone should endure."
"ALL RIGHT!!" I shout. My head was throbbing enough before, but now it is falling apart at the seams.
I motion the Doctor to move off the Captain's chair and then slump on it; then I turn to the Borg Queen.
"Thank you for helping to look after the ship." I tell her.
"My pleasure, Locutus." she says with a smile, "I look forward to seeing you at the Party next year, or when we assimilate you. Whichever comes first."
I'm not sure whether she was joking there. The Borg transporter beam takes her away.
"Take us to Starbase 4" I command, "Make it so."
That's the last thing I remember before falling asleep.
And now a meme!
Splotchy's Story Meme
I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)
"That's strange," I said out loud to no one in particular. My fingers slowly reached towards the jar again. My body experienced a wave of apprehension as weighted blanket covering me as I did so. The jar was completely frozen.
I picked it up and stared at it, my fingers stung with little knives of chill. "What the..." again I spoke aloud. Then I realized what had happened with a shock. Suddenly the jar flew from my hand. It shattered creating a collage-like mixture of frozen applesauce and glass shards on my kitchen floor, the lid lazily rolling to a stop across the room.(FranIAm)
I half noticed at first glimpse that there was something odd amidst the solidified apple sauce as I reached for the broom and the dust pan. As I knelt down to clean up the frozen mess, I could clearly see a tiny figure within the goopy mess. It was a human eye, with tiny arms and legs! I resisted my initial urge to pick it up with my hand, and then reached down to scoop it up with the dustpan. The eye looked up at me in horror and gave out a frightening high pitched screech as it ran for the living room.
I was dumbfounded by this turn of events. I didn't even like applesauce - And I had guests coming for dinner! It would not be proper to have a homunculus eyeball running around during the appetizer - I had to think fast. I crept into the living room so as to not startle the small creature. The eyeball was under the coffee table, peeking out from behind one of table legs. When I approached, it quickly darted under the couch!
I got on my hands and knees to look under the couch, but I could not see the eye through all of the old newspapers and dust bunnies that had accumulated under there. I had to hurry! the guests were coming at seven o'clock, and I had not even started the buffalo chicken skewers with blue cheese dipping sauce yet! Not to mention the couscous and the broccoli noodle salad. (Zaius Nation)
I shook my head and leaned back against the wall. Surely this couldn’t be happening, surely there isn’t an anthropomorphic eyeball running around under my couch. It just couldn’t be real, could it?
“Ahem,” a little voice squeaked. “Ahem.”
I looked all around for the source of the voice. I finally found that it was from the eyeball peering around the back of the couch. I leaned in and looked at it closer. It still appeared to be uneasy (I mean, I’m sure that’s how it appeared, but then again I’m not all that certain about behavior patterns of walking eyeballs.
“Did you say something?” I asked it.
“You’re not going to poke me are you?” it asked. “I hate getting poked.”
“Uh no,” I answered dumbfounded. “I won’t poke you.”
“And you’re not going to lock me away in a jar of applesauce are you?”
“No, I’m not going to do that,” I replied, still bewildered by the sight in front of me.
“OK.” He made the eyeball equivalent of a nod, hitched up a pair of nonexistent trousers, adjusted the chimerical hat on his head, and walked up to me. “I am forever in debt to you, sir, for freeing me from the confines of that jar.”
“OK, sure,” I smiled lamely. “How’d you get in there?”
“The evil wizard trapped me in there,” he answered. “He knows the only way to trap a geneye is to use a jar of applesause.”
“You’re… you’re a geneye,” I managed to blurt out. I may not get the appetizers done, but this may be one heckuva party anyways.
“At you service,” it bowed. “And to thank you for freeing me, I would like to reward you with two wishes.”
“Oh, so you’re like a genie.” It all started to make sense to me now. No, not really.
“Yes,” it rolled its eye. “Like a genie, only we’re geneyes. They sure do know how to warp a good story in Hollywood, don’t they?”
“Yeah,” I agreed, again dumbfoundedly. “So I get two wishes? What about three?”
“Ugh!” the geneye slapped the top of its head, or the top of its eyeball at least. “You get two. Two. Only two. That’s how it works. And no wishing for more wishes, we’re onto that. Aladdin tried that once, it wasn’t pretty.”
“OK, so I get two, let me think,” I said thoughtfully. Screw the party, this is way more interesting.
“Yeah, hurry up, I don’t have all day,” the magical homunculus eyeball tapped it’s foot. “I’ve got places to go.”
“OK, OK,” I answered. Well, I could always wish for a lot of money, except that never works in the stories. The villain always wishes for riches and gets trapped in the cave with the gold, or sent to the bottom of the sea with it or audited by the IRS because of it. As much as I’d like to pay off the mortgage, I don’t think I can.
“Well?” it asked impatiently.
“I want peace on Earth and good will toward men,” I say with a forfeiting shrug.
“Peace on Earth and good will toward men?” it repeated. “Is that one wish or two?”
“One,” I replied. “You know, ‘tis the season and all.”
“Nice choice,” it nodded. Then the geneye snapped its fingers. “It is done.”
I felt it. For one moment, I felt nothing but peace and joy all around me. Others felt it, too but no one would ever be able to explain it. All around the world, people stopped what they were doing and just enjoyed the moment. Evil men stopped thinking evil thoughts and just smiled nicely. The hurt, the sick, and all who were in pain be it physical, mental, or spiritual, felt the warmth of a brief reprieve. Bells rang. Angels sang. Then I felt it end.
“Hey, that was nice,” I said. “Why didn’t it last?”
“Come on,” the magical being snorted. “I’m not that powerful. You got one more wish.”
One more wish. What should I wish for? Hmmm. (Jon, Intergalactic Gladiator )
"How about 'as many wishes as I'd like?"
"Hey! That's cheating." the Eye said, "It's not allowed in the Geneye Code Of Conduct. It's one wish only, and that's your lot."
"How about 'trying to understand the opposite sex?'" I suggested.
"Too tough" it replied, "No being is as capable of such an undertaking."
I sighed and thought. This was going to be harder than I imagined. I wanted this wish to be a good one that was value for money.
Suddenly I thought about it. Friendship.
"How about friendship?"
"It's possible." said the Eye.
"Would it last a long time?"
"Oh, sure." the Eye replied, "It's not like that peace and goodwill one where it applies to all. A wish like that means you'd always have good friends."
"That sounds great." I said, "I'll select as my other wish to always have friends, and no enemies,"
"Fair enough" and the Eye clapped his fingers.
Suddenly the telephone started ringing.... Captain Picard
This is an installment of Splotchy's Story Meme. According to Splotchy, "Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out." You can read all of the details here
The following people may wish to try it themselves: you are under no obligation.