Sunday, July 02, 2006

Sloan And Section 31

Can't anyone get a good night's sleep around here?

Recently it was Q who appeared from the middle of nowhere to disturb me as I was catching some zzz's. Now it's another character.

"Good evening, Captain" says this mysterious figure, "Sorry to wake you up in the middle of the night, but this is rather important."

"Who are you?" I reply indignantly, "The security monitors will note that you have beamed on, and Mr Worf will soon put paid to you."

"Oh, I don't think so, Captain." he continued, "We in our group are equipped with special devices that allow us to circumvent that sort of thing."

"So just who are you, then? I ask.

"Ah, allow me to introduce myself" he says, "I am Special Agent Sloan from Section 31."



"I've never heard of Section 31" I tell him.

"Of course you haven't." Sloan replies, "We are an ultra-secret covert organisation that operate on behalf of Starfleet, although technically we don't exist."

"I've never read about Section 31 before, Sloan" I say.

"That's the point, Captain" he says, as if explaining to a child, "Our existence is only known to a handful of people. Not even the Head of Starfleet knows of us."

"So why are we talking now, and telling me about Section 31 now?" I ask suspiciously, as if I think I know what the answer might be.

"The truth is,Captain" he answers, "Is that you've impressed us recently with your covert activities. The mission you went on with Doctor Crusher and Seven Of Nine was very good, and we at Section 31 think you would make a fine addition to our number."

"I'm a starship Captain, not a spy!" I tell him.

"Oh, now, Captain." Sloan replies, "The word 'spy' is far too crude. We prefer the term 'Section Operative' to what you say."

"Well, I don't want to be a Section Operative, either." I clearly say.

"Think about it, Captain." he presses, "You could still have your own position and be a Section Operative at the same time. It means you would be covertly working for us, and none of your crew would be any the wiser. Actually, you could start by investigating your own staff."

"What does that mean?" I reply angrily.

"We have had our eyes on them for sometime" he tells me, "One can never tell when outside forces might have got to them."

"Give me an example." I challenge him.

"Look at Worf." he goes on, "He's a Klingon; we've always had trouble with that race. Data might have had his programming altered by a computer expert, or he might actually be his brother Lore. Geordi La Forge's visor might have affected his judgement. Deanna Troi's mind might have been altered by a telepath. Seven is only restrained from assimilating us on instructions from the Borg Queen. Jadzia Dax may have been affected by some of the Dax hosts..."

"...And I suppose Beverly Crusher is suspicious because of her red hair?" I sarcastically tell him.

"Now you're getting the idea." Sloan continues, "Believe me, Captain, you'll be perfect at Section 31. We need devious people who will stab their friends in the back, both literally and physically."

"You're crazy" I reply.

"We can send you on a Section 31 Induction Course." he enthusiastically says, "It'll be great fun."

"I think it's time for you to go, Sloan." I angrily tell him.

"All right, Captain." he smiles, "Potential recruits always have the same initial hostility, but after a while, they can't wait to join. I'll be talking to you again sometime in the future."

I turn round to tell him to forget it, but Sloan has disappeared.

I ask Worf if any beam-ins have been registered and he says negative.

It seems to me that Section 31 might be a problem for me; as if I don't have enough already.

22 comments:

Yaeli said...

You'd better watch out for that section 31. From what I hear they can be tricky!

Nice to know I'm not the only one having trouble sleeping though.

Michele sent me.

Professor Xavier said...

http://static.flickr.com/55/179952861_c4fd5e44cd_m.jpg

Now it's official.

Superstar said...

Get a cup of Earl Grey. HOT. sweet. That will put you back to bed.

Miss Cellania said...

Are there NO end to those who want to vex our poor Captain?

emi said...

Sounds like that fellow from Section 31 is a little "Section 8!"

Merlyn Gabriel said...

Dear Captain,
How is it that you always seem to attract the crazies?
Section 31 sounds a lot like something Isard (Iceheart) would come up with. I am so glad we do not have beaming technology here!

I hope you manage to get some sleep.

Cheers
Merly

Florence said...

Stranger's in the Night...could be another Picard Song?!

Paperback Writer said...

You don't get a good night's sleep do you Captain?

The Curmudgeon said...

Don't worry about a thing, Captain. If you don't join up with Section 31, Section 31 will make quite certain that you're not bothered again.

By anyone.

And, whatever you do, don't tell anyone about them!

Oh.

I guess it's a little late for that advice, isn't it?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

That's true, Paperback Writer; weirdoes are always appearing at all hours.

Merlyn; it's true. The crazies do seem to come to the Enterprise.

Local Henchmen 432 said...

Just them that another sercret group were in on the call,and now that group is after them.That should get them of your tail for a while.Dental for all.

Dr.Polaris rules.

Merlyn Gabriel said...

Captain, you have the most brilliant minds in your galaxy workingon your ship, why don't they make some sort of loonie detector?

just a though?

ps. Still have all my limbs.

dragonflyfilly said...

hey there Captain, you are my absolute #1 hero, at last i get to communicate with you!!!

Private Hudson said...

If you join the gropu, do you get two paychecks? One for being the Captain and one for being the operative?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Captain Welcome to the Summer of Compliments.

Your blog has been daily reading for me for quite some time now. Your writing and characterization of a "Harrased Starfleet officer" are always entertaining.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Merlyn, if the ship is fitted with a loonie detector, I'm scared it might point at me.

Henchman, there seem to be a lot of secret groups about.

Two paychecks, Private Hudson...an interesting thought.

Thanks for the compliments Dragonflyfilly & Jon.

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Captain Berk said...

Perhaps you need to get Section 31 on that comment above.

Or maybe I can investigate the problem for you..

Merlyn Gabriel said...

Captain, I doubt a loonie detector would pick you up on it, I personally think you are the sanest of the bunch, but that being said, you could arrange for an exception to be made in the sensor sweep to avoid your dna specifically... it would keep Geordi and Wes busy, don't you think?

Section 31 is a bit of a Lame name though.... come to think of it. What do you suppose it means? Maybe there are only 31 one of them?

Carmi said...

Section 31 sounds like the kind of thing that insecure people invent to make themselves seem special.

You're special enough already.

anna-brooklynn-1351 said...

Helloooooooo world!

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