Thursday, July 27, 2006

Speeding Ticket

Due to the urgentness of our mission to Tavax, we have gone at Warp 9 through the unknown Sector 133, reputed to be the home of the Dararian race.

There have been a few messages, but nothing the Universal Translator can be sure of.

Suddenly, a dark-coloured starship with a flashing red light appears out of nowhere next to us.

"We are being hailed by the ship, Captain" Data informs us.

The screen flickers on and a rather officious-looking alien is looking at us.

"Hello" I say in my best diplomatic voice, "I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starsh.."

"You will not move" the alien angrily tells us, "You are being cautioned for speeding in Dararian space."

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand" I tell him apologetically.

"It's simple enough!" the Dararian tells me, "Your ship could be clamped and taken away into the Dararian Police Pound, where it will be kept unless you agree to pay a million Credit fine now."

"We did not see anything about a speed limit" I protest.

"There were plenty of signs telling you to stay below a Warp 5 limit" the Dararian tells me, "I am Janta, Head of the Police Force."

"I'm sorry, Janta" Deanna says, in her Couselor style, "The Universal Translator was not able to identify the speed warnings."

"That is no excuse" says Janta, "You will pay the heavy penalty, and have to apply for a new Starship Licence from our office.

"It all seems a scam to get money." Riker whispers quietly to me.

"That may be so, Will" Deanna replies, "But the Federation has to be seen to be law-abiding in international space travel."

"You mean...?" I say.

"Yes, Captain," Deanna continues, "You will need to pay the fine, and eventually get a licence."

I groan; then turn to the screen.

"Very well, Janta." I tell him, "send the charge to Starfleet Headquarters, San Francisco, Earth, and they will pay you the desired amount."

"Excellent, Captain!" he says, as if the cash register is working, "You shall receive note of how to apply for a Starship Licence. Thank you for coming through Dararian space; don't forget to travel slowly and safely."

There seemed a hint of sarcasm there.

"Starfleet will get a nasty shock, Number One" I tell Riker, "When they open their incoming mail and find a million Credit fine for starship speeding and a directive for me to get a Licence."

"As long as they don't dock it out of your salary, Captain"

26 comments:

The Curmudgeon said...

Starfleet's shock may be much more than nasty when they calculate the conversion rate between Dararian credits and Federation credits.

Honestly, Captain, I know you've advanced beyond the need for money in the 24th Century (rather like a lot of my clients, come to think of it -- at least they never have the money to pay me when I send a bill) -- but couldn't you at least have a Ferengi available to consult with when these financial questions come up?

Paperback Writer said...

Wow. They're tough, aren't they? Speeding in space...

Trinity13 said...

I say you sue Capt!

Merlyn Gabriel said...

good grief! Can't you lodge some sort of formal complaint? Don't they have an appeal system?

of course were this the Empire you would have been simply been eliminated ( less paperwork) or worse sent to some sarlacc forsaken spice mine on Kessel.Or worse still sent to work for the Hutts in waste management!

Maybe you should upgrade your universal translator, isn't version 3.01 up now? or ask for a babel fish implant?

anyway I also hope they don't dock your pay...

many hugs for the speed freak ( speed is good...)

merly -who ALWAYS flies a L-class shuttle FAR too fast!( But Lord Vader doesn't mind because he understands about reckless flying...)

Susan said...

I think that Janta must 'moon light' near where I live in the UK

Lahdeedah said...

What you need is an international emergency starship license, allowing you to travel at high warp speeds whenever deemed necessary.

Barring that, just stick a shiny red light on your hull somewhere and turn it on when you speed.

Better yet, I bet the Ferengi have like, a spacecopper detector? Duh.

Ciera said...

I would have thought that you would know which corners of the galaxy to speed around in and which ones not to!!!! Best be more careful Jean-Luc!@

Great idea sending the bill to Starfleet...hope they don't dock you!

Jim McKee said...

I think a temporal anomaly is needed (talk to Janeway, they always had them popping up on a semi-regular basis), to transport rocker Sammy Hagar to the 24th century, where he can re-work an old hit with a new title: "I Can't Drive Below Warp 5".

;-]

Pop! said...

Yeesh, whatever happened to diplomatic immunity and stuff like that?

Oh well, at least you didn’t meet any speed phasers—they’re like speed cameras but do more damage!

Me said...

I had no idea that Starfleet Headquarters were in San Francisco.
I can't believe that the Enterprise couldn't outrun that space cop.

Miss Cellania said...

Imagine you running into Barney Phyfe all the way out there! Their "warnings" were most likely obscure for a ($$$) reason.

Miss Cellania said...

Hey Captain! Did you see my Trek post today?

emi said...

Ouch! Fell for the old speed trap, eh? They know you can't see them hiding behind the asteroid in Sector 133. They just hover there with their Dararian doughnuts waiting for the unwary starship to flounder in. Perhaps if you attend traffic court, you can get that fine reduced. It helps to heavily compliment Officer Janta on his "professionalism." Don't ask me how I know this.

Please come by my site and see what I've been up to.

Florence said...

Really, its about time the enterprise had a cloaking device!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

There's nothing like doing Warp 9 through space! I should have known I'd get a ticket!

Merlyn, you might be right; our Universal Translator needs to be upgraded from a Windows 98.

Susan, Janta is everywhere in the UK, isn't he!

Lahdeedah, I like your suggestion.

Ciera, it was an unexplored section. If Starfleet dock it out of my salary, I won't get paid again!

Jim, temporal anomoies are rife in space.

Kelly, it's a well-known fact that Starfleet HQ is in San Francisco, as the Golden Gate is in the background. Look in the Federation Frapper Map, and you'll see a picture of it I've placed in San Francisco.

Miss Cellania, I loved your Star Trek post.

Emi, a lot of starships get caught out when they use that sneaky way.

Florence, the Enterprise isn't allowed to have a cloaking device (see the episode 'Pegasus')

Miss Cow is a Cow said...

Oooooh you got a speeding ticket! I'm tellllllllllllllin'.

Yeah, it's Friday, I'm giddy.

I got one too last week. Not sure how much it will be or what. I have to show proof of insurance, then maybe they'll drop the speeding part? Phhhhhffffffft who knows.

Here via Michele's.

Bry... said...

who's this Michelle?

Spider-Man said...

knowing them, it's definitely coming out of your salary...

FRIDAY'S CHILD said...

A speeding ticket in space. Isn't that not suppose to be passe' in outer space. (Lol)
Thanks for dropping by.

dragonflyfilly said...

*sigh* being a previous owner of a Mark II Austin Heeley, i know something about speed, but i suppose if i had got anywhere near warp 9 we would have disintegrated...but i'm confused...taking the speed of light and other such quanitificaitions into consideration, by the time they get the transmission back on earth, wouldn't it be like millions of years into the future or something??? then it would be redundant, yes? or inflation would make the fine way higher...i dunno, just guessing here!!!

luv and light for now,
pj

Florence Forrest said...

*sigh*, I know Captain. Maybe section 31 could hook you up a sneaky one?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Miss Cow, sorry to hear about your speeding tickets.

Bry, EVERYBODY knows who Michele is!

Dragonflyfilly, an Austin Healey is a great looking car.

Florence, I like your style! Section 31 is a good choice!

UrbanHotList said...

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