I'm just coming back into my quarters after my shift when I hear the familiar 'peep' of an incoming message from my computer.
Don't these people know when not to call? Perhaps I ought to put it on pending?
I decide to answer it, just in case it's an urgent message saying the earth is under attack. I'd get in trouble from the top brass if I went straight to bed and the human race was being enslaved or destroyed.
Switching it on, up pops a picture....
Underneath, the message reads:
I am a 28 year old redhead who is single. When I saw your picture recently, I was instantly attracted. Powerful bald men really lure me. I love archaeology and earl grey tea, just as you do. Could you e mail me with a place where the two of us could meet and enjoy each other's company?
What do I do now? She's a gorgeous redhead, wearing a spectacular outfit. I'll have to let Valerie down gently. Bev is my girl.
Time to write a reply.
Thank you for your most flattering message. It was really kind of you to say that. However, right now, I am attached to another woman. I'm sure you will have no hesitation in finding another who will be very lucky to have you.
Thie message goes off. It is kind of flattering to get fan messages from others.
Another message already!
I WANT YOU!!
No redhead like that Beverly Crusher is going to take you away from me. Now you and I will meet at the Cafe Del Quatro on the planet Hacylon VI. I know the Enterprise is going there tomorrow.
Show up or you will suffer big time.
Ooops. I think there is a problem here. I summon Riker, Bev and Deanna and let them see the messages. All of them think quietly.
"You've got a real nutjob here, Captain." Riker says.
"Will!" Deanna answers, "She's just confused."
"She sounds dangerous to me, Jean-Luc." Bev comments, "You can't go."
"You may have to," Deanna says, "She could be unstable and we need to get her before she does any harm to herself or to another."
"...And I'm the one thrown in!" I drily say to myself.
To be continued...