Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Romulan Visitor

I dislike being a diplomat.

Nonetheless, I have to play host today to a Romulan senator, who is visiting the Enterprise to discuss peace with Federation and Romulan Star Empire.

This sort of this is usually nothing more than a lot of talk and an opportunity to glean a few secrets off each other. The trouble is, we never get anything off them.

Predictably, I hear a few noises off Worf, who is not exactly their biggest fan.

"The Romulans are not to be trusted!" he says aggressively as the senior staff go to the transporter room to beam him on board.

"I agree with you, Mr Worf." I reply, "But for the sake of diplomatic relations between the two forces, we must keep up an accord, even if only in pretence."

Worf mumbles a few choice Klingon phrases. As I know the language, it is hardly suitable to repeat them here.

Deanna stands with me as we are ready to greet the senator. The Counselor is a good mediator to have around when we have to talk with races we cannot trust or dislike.

The Romulan beams on.

After I do my usual welcome speil, the Senator continues.

"Greetings, Captain." I am Senator Vreenak of the Romulan Council. Thank you for your welcome."

He glances at Worf.

"I heard you had a Klingon on board." Vreenak continues, "What position does he hold here? Does he clean the warp plasma conduits?"

Worf looks incensed, but Deanna, who is slightly irritated moves moves forward.

"Certainly not, Senator." she answers with a somewhat fixed smile, "Lieutenant Worf is Chief of Security and also operates on Tactics."

Vreenak laughs.

"In that case." he continues, "I'm surprised that no one has escaped, or the ship hasn't been blown up by enemies! Shall we go to the discussion room?"

I get livid, but with my temper just about bearable, I take him out of the room.

"You Federation officers are all the same." Vreenak laughs to himselfs, "Very weak."

"Isn't the discussion room the other way, Captain?" Riker whispers to me as we walk through the corridor.

"Yes, Number One." I reply, "But I've decided to hold it somewhere else."

A few moments later, we get to our destination.

"But this is the brig." says the Senator, "Why are we here, Captain?"

"Because this is where you're going." I reply shaply, "As anyone would who talks to my crew like that. We'll visit in a few hours and start talking then. After that, I'll let you out and you can go back to your ship."

"This is a disgrace!" Vreenak protests, "The Romulan Council shall hear of this."

"I'm sure they will." I answer, "Still, you're lucky. The brig chef is doing lasagna tonight. As you're a Senator, I'll instruct him to give you double helpings."

I do dislike being a diplomat. I seem to offend a lot of people for some reason!


Gordon said...

Ah the fine art of diplomacy, yeah few hours in the brig with Sistah Britney will sort him out, I do hope he's got a new flavour of gum or else he's not going to be liked.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Does the saying go "Beware of Romulans bearing ale" or "Take the Romulan ale and run?" Go with the latter.

Lahdeedah said...


Will he get to meet T'Pol or her best pal Britney?

That would be great...

Nepharia said...

Hey, I don't know why he's complaining -- your brig isn't too bad a place. At least it wasn't the last time I was there.

Spoiler said...


The Mistress of the Dark said...

I think some fur is going to fly!

Jana said...

Ooo, lasagna night! Yummy!

Linda said...

I get the sneaky feeling that this will come back to bite you in the rear at some point, Captain, but kudos to you! I'm sure that Mr. Worf approved!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Linda, if he liked the lasagna, maybe he won't say anything?

Lahdeeedah, I think for once, neither of them were in the brig on this occasion!

Eye Candy said...


You look familiar but I cannot quite place you….

You seem to have tapped into the SOL 3 Blogger system as I have, yet are telling the humans about the future and I am explaining to those not from SOL 3 what it is like here.

Yet I have never heard of a “Federation” or “Romulan Star Empire” plus the Romulan seems to be non-human.


I will link to your blog for future examination.

Anonymous said...

Jean Luc,
Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone how to go to hell in such a nice manner that when they leave, they think they will enjoy the trip. wink