Thursday, February 07, 2008

T'Pol & Britney In The Mirror Universe (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

Boy, my soulsistah T'Pol and I have made a mistake big time! I haven't been this sad since the Enterprise replicator failed to issue my favourite brand of chewing gum.

When T'Pol and I saw there was a spatial rift that led to the mirror universe, which is where she comes from, and is the home of the Terran Empire, she grabbed a shuttlecraft and hightailed it out before Captain Picard could say anything. Naturally, as her friend, I came along. I'm always getting locked in the brig as we Deltans like free expression.

We got a surprise when we found out that T'Pol is a wanted fugitive, due to a two hundred year Order given by Empress Sato. We are both going to be executed.

And that really spoiled my day. The brig menu at the Enterprise I escaped from would be having fish and chips tonight.


T'Pol and I are handcuffed, and are about to be taken to the execution chamber.

A smiling Captain Picard looks at us.

"This is a great day for the Empire." he gloats, then turns to Riker, "Make sure you inform the Emperor of who we have, and that the traitor T'Pol has been executed. I'll get a promotion for sure."

"...And then I can be Captain without trying to kill you." answers the one-eyed Riker.

"Don't be too sure." Picard snarls, "A new Captain would need to have my recommendation. Someone who tries to kill me and left me with a scar doesn't have a good CV."

Then the two of us are taken by two hefty security guards. T'Pol asks if it will all be painful.

"Oh yes." replies a guard with a sadistic laugh, "We make them as painful as possible. After all, the Terran Empire has a reputation to uphold."

Suddenly as we approach a corner, one of the guards is dazed as someone lashes out at him with a green stick.

It's Syra, the Orion Slave Girl. She swiftly unfastens the handcuffs, throws me a stick and we hit at the other guards. I whack him with the stick, and get him rolling on the floor when I kick him with my extra-heavy Dr Martens boots.


I high five T'Pol in congratulations.

"Way to go, sistah!!" we both say, then do the same with Syra.

"Why are you helping us?" T'Pol asks, I thought you were one of the Captain's Women?"

"Crusher is the Captain's main Woman." she answers, "I am there for him when they argue or he tires of her. What Picard is unaware of is that I am a spy for an anti-Terran Empire faction, and am working undercover. If you and your friend escape, it may destabilise the Leadership when they find the top fugitive has managed to get away."

Let's go, honey!" T'Pol urges to me.

"Good luck." Syra calls out.

We find the shuttlecraft and manage to release the bay doors. As it starts to leave, we see the lights flashing.

"They know we've escaped, sistah!" I exclaim.

The shuttlecraft speeds out. We see the rift is still there, but a lot smaller. With a boost of power, we approach, noticing that the ISS Enterprise is following, trying to retrieve us with it's tractor beam.

"We'll find you sometime, traitor!" shouts an angry Picard on an audio signal. I switch it off.

"The rift is too small for them to get through." T'Pol tells me, "We'll just make it!"

We flash through the rift, and a few moments later, it has closed. Ahead of us is the familar shape of the USS Enterprise.

"Well I guess we're both for the high jump now, T'Pol."


".....Desertion is a major offence." Captain Picard is telling us in his office, "We ought to throw the book at you both. I think you've both learnt that the grass is not greener on the other side, and that the Terran Empire of today is not suitable for you."

"It was two hundred years ago, though." starts T'Pol, but wisely decides not to say anymore.

"Well, you'll both have plenty of time to chat together over your exploits in the brig." sighs Picard.

"Are we still having fish and chips on the brig menu, Captain?" I ask.

"Yes." he answers with a puzzled look.

"Great!" I answer, "Lead the way. The chips are delicious there. Crisp and crunchy!"


Jana said...

Well, good for them! You've got me wanting fish and chips now...

Lahdeedah said...

I had fish and chips on Friday....


do they wrap them in newspaper in that century?

Sadly, as I made them at home, I didn't have any newspaper to wrap them in.

Titania Starlight said...

I must be so tired but when I saw Syra the Orion Slave girl, I thought that it read Syra, the "Onion Slave Girl" and almost fell off of my chair laughing. I think I need to get a bite to eat and then go to bed. LOL!

Glad to see the "Gruesome Twosome" are back safe and sound.

Ellee Seymour said...

Britney looks in a very bad way. You've made me fancy some chips too.

Anthony Stark Ironboy said...

Yay foe Orion slave girls!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Mmmm Fish and Chips :)

Bilbo said...

Good thing there's always an Orion slave girl around when you need one. Unfortunately, at my age the fish and chips are more appealing. Sigh.

The Curmudgeon said...

It's telling that Ensign Britney has the brig menu memorized.

Draculina said...

Glad you girls got out of there

Hey maybe we can have some fish and chips together some time


Anonymous said...

well being captured is no fun but chips are GREAT!

micheke sne tme to say hi

michelle said...

she looks terrible. hmmm fish and chips! michele sent me!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

It looks like everybody wants some fish and chips! I thinks they are wrapped in the Glactic Gazette in the 24th Century.

Titania, time to get your eyes seen to! Onion Slave Girls indeed!

craziequeen said...

I'm impressed what a good grasp of fish 'n' chips your US readers have [big grin]

I'll have chips, please - no fish, thank you. Oh, and the chips must be cooked in a dedicated fryer in vegetable fat......ho hum, aren't vegetarians great!?!

Michele sent me to put my order in while chips are on the menu! :-))


The Real Mother Hen said...

I'm sure all fish has died by then.
So gotta enjoy while we can now.

Gordon said...

Yeah had proper fish n chips earlier - glad to see they got away though.

Michael Manning said...

A Message for The Captain: Yay for women with bare midriffs who don't shave their heads! Bravo!!!

Bruce Cain said...

fish and chips? what's that?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Michael, yay to them!

It looks like I'm taking fish and chip orders for you all...plaice, haddock, cod, vinegar, salt

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