Sunday, February 17, 2008
Ro Laren At The Dating Agency
Guest Poster: Ro Laren
After the disaster of the Enterprise Valentine Ball, in which I was the only crew member present, I have decided to do something about it.
I mean, it comes to something when a Borg drone and an android could both get human dates, yet me, a Bajoran, ended up with diddly squat.
As a result, I'm in the Starfleet Mall, making my way to the 'Interstellar Love Dating Agency', where they claim 'we can fix people up with the person of your dreams, no matter how much of a loser you are.'
I think they need to work on their advertising a little more.
As I go through the door, I am greeted by a young woman at a computer keyboard.
"Had a bad Valentine, have you, sweetheart?" she says, "No date to take you anywhere? No matter, we here at Interstellar Love Dating Agency will soon put all that right for you. I'm Felicity. Here is a form for you to fill in."
I fill in all the details, and see that part of it includes a declaration like a personal ad. I write the following:
Bajoran woman in late twenties/early thirties with GSOH seeks man of similar or slightly older age for romance and possible matrimony. As I work in Starfleet, I may be away fighting evil aliens for long periods of time, so membership of said organisation is an advantage, though not necessary. Interests: Bajoran history, Maquis history. Cardassians need not apply.
I hand the completed form to Felicity, who reads it through. She has her fixed smile on until she reads the personal ad section. The it crumbles as if someone has told a secret that involved her.
"Oh dear, Miss Laren." she exclaims, "We can't possibly accept that!"
"Whyever not?" I reply angrily.
"You can't put a comment like Cardassians need not apply. That is discrimatory." Felicity calmly explains.
"Well I was in the Maquis!" I tell them, "We were fighting the Cardassians for years! How can I possibly go with one on a blind date?"
"Don't worry, Miss Laren." Felicity assures me, "There are no Cardassians on our books anyway, so you would not be meeting one."
I give a sigh of relief, and say it is alright to remove the phrase. I can't help feeling that a group of Cardassians will walk in and join as soon as I leave.
"In a few days, we'll send you the name of your first date." Felicity tells me, "Now we suggest that you and your date meet in a public place, so that you feel safe on your first date."
"Don't worry." I tell her, as I walk out of the door, "I'll bring my phaser along."
At this, the colour drains from Felicity's face.