Sunday, February 17, 2008

Ro Laren At The Dating Agency

Guest Poster: Ro Laren

After the disaster of the Enterprise Valentine Ball, in which I was the only crew member present, I have decided to do something about it.

I mean, it comes to something when a Borg drone and an android could both get human dates, yet me, a Bajoran, ended up with diddly squat.

As a result, I'm in the Starfleet Mall, making my way to the 'Interstellar Love Dating Agency', where they claim 'we can fix people up with the person of your dreams, no matter how much of a loser you are.'

I think they need to work on their advertising a little more.

As I go through the door, I am greeted by a young woman at a computer keyboard.

"Had a bad Valentine, have you, sweetheart?" she says, "No date to take you anywhere? No matter, we here at Interstellar Love Dating Agency will soon put all that right for you. I'm Felicity. Here is a form for you to fill in."

I fill in all the details, and see that part of it includes a declaration like a personal ad. I write the following:

Bajoran woman in late twenties/early thirties with GSOH seeks man of similar or slightly older age for romance and possible matrimony. As I work in Starfleet, I may be away fighting evil aliens for long periods of time, so membership of said organisation is an advantage, though not necessary. Interests: Bajoran history, Maquis history. Cardassians need not apply.

I hand the completed form to Felicity, who reads it through. She has her fixed smile on until she reads the personal ad section. The it crumbles as if someone has told a secret that involved her.

"Oh dear, Miss Laren." she exclaims, "We can't possibly accept that!"

"Whyever not?" I reply angrily.

"You can't put a comment like Cardassians need not apply. That is discrimatory." Felicity calmly explains.

"Well I was in the Maquis!" I tell them, "We were fighting the Cardassians for years! How can I possibly go with one on a blind date?"

"Don't worry, Miss Laren." Felicity assures me, "There are no Cardassians on our books anyway, so you would not be meeting one."

I give a sigh of relief, and say it is alright to remove the phrase. I can't help feeling that a group of Cardassians will walk in and join as soon as I leave.

"In a few days, we'll send you the name of your first date." Felicity tells me, "Now we suggest that you and your date meet in a public place, so that you feel safe on your first date."

"Don't worry." I tell her, as I walk out of the door, "I'll bring my phaser along."

At this, the colour drains from Felicity's face.


R. Sherman said...

I know I'm an Earthling and all, but doesn't she need a nose-job?

Cheers from Michele.

Jane said...

This could prove to be most interesting. I can't wait for the next installment.

Gordon said...

Yeah the next installment could be rather explosive...

Lahdeedah said...

Did you know e-harmony (according to the commercials anyhow) rejects people?

So, she should be happy she didn't get rejected by the dating agency!

Then, she'd probably just stun Felicity.

John said...

How do I sign up o be her date?

Amanda said...

It took me ages to work out what 'GSOH' was!

Michael Manning said...

I realize this may be quite a stretch, but could you sign me up while you're in line at The Interstellar Love Dating Agency? :D

Linda said...

Ut-oh, this can go one of two ways but I'm not sure I'd want to predict which way it does!

I wouldn't want to date a Cardassian myself so I see nothing wrong with not wanting any to apply!

Merlyn Gabriel said...

how interesting.... and I agree bring a phaser along might be a good idea.

Agent Hanson said...

I feel for you sister. When a date sees my boyish good looks and my sidearm, they usually turn the other way.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Hey, isn't Ro and Will Riker a bit of an item? No, not the Riker on the Enterprise, the other Will Riker.

The Curmudgeon said...

Amanda did better than I did -- I couldn't figure out GSOH.

But a phaser on blind dates might be handy. I understand that.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Curmudgeon, Amanda, sorry about that. I thought everybody knew that in dating agency-speak, GSOH means Good Sense Of Humour.

Jon, I'm not sure about that. I thought Deanna liked Thomas Riker.

Agent Hanson, maybe the sidearm is a little off-putting?

Lahdeedah, it must be humiliating to be rejected by a dating agency.

r sherman, to say a Bajoran needs a nosejob is the fast way to be at war with Bajor.
Linda, I see you are hedging your bets.

John, it looks like Ro has at least one admirer.

Gogeta said...

If only both my halves weren't married

mrsmogul said...

When I read the name FELICITY I kept thinking of the TV show with Keri Russell...

Ellee Seymour said...

A friend of mine runs a dating agency, I shall have to tell her about this.

Shiara said...

dating services are always bad

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