I've had to call an Emergency Meeting of the senior staff in the Briefing Room.
Is there an alien invasion that threatens to destroy the Federation?
No, it seems there is a problem with the party planned for New Year's Eve on the Enterprise.
"What is the difficulty?" I ask Riker, who is the Party Organiser.
"Well, Captain, it seems that we cannot get Sid Starr to return for the occasion, as he is already booked at the Starfleet Officers Retirement Home. I suppose we just assumed he'd be free to attend."
"Maybe it's a good thing." suggests Geordi, "We could do with a band that's a little more hip for New Year's Eve. The only sort of hip Sid was is artificial hip."
Everybody laughs in a supressed way, except Data, who looks puzzled. Eventually he says, "Ah, artificial hip!" and gives a robotic stuttering laugh.
"What are we going to do?" inquires Beverly.
"How about a Klingon band?" suggests Worf.
"Though it's an idea," answers Riker, "They can tend to sing Klingon ballads and tell tales of how good everything used to be when Kahless was around."
"Are you suggesting that is wrong?" Worf answers angrily.
"Er, no." Riker says quickly, "But they are not suitable for a New Year's Eve party."
"Will" asks Deanna, "Do you know just who IS available?"
"I've made a lot of enquiries" he says, "And all the bands are either booked out to starships or Federation planets. The only one available is Dan Dreg and his group The Dregs Of Society."
"I've heard about them, Number One." I tell him, "They have a very bad reputation, ending up in jail. They verbally abuse all the audience that see them."
"The whole of Vulcan went into a month-long meditation after they had played a concert there. It sent them into shock." Data tells us.
"How about a holographic band in one of the holodecks?" suggests Beverly.
"I don't think that would work." answers Geordi, "It's like good food; the people will want the real thing, rather than a replica."
"Well," Riker imforms us all, "We either employ The Dregs Of Society or The New Year's Eve party is cancelled."
I check with everyone else, who each think the event is necessary for crew morale.
"In that case, Commander Riker," I reluctantly say, "Contact Dan Dreg and tell him we want his band to play on the Enterprise on that date."
As the others file out of the Briefing Room, I ask Worf to stay behind for a moment.
"Mr Worf," I tell him, "Make sure your Security team are on standby while the evening is going on, and keep the Brig ready for use. I've a feeling it may be in use that night, and who it's first occupants of the New Year are likely to be."