Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Back On The Enterprise

The crew have all now returned to the Enterprise after their Christmas break.

It was clearly a mistake going to the Captain's Conference on Vulcan. Who was the idiot who decided to hold the event there? After all, it's not exactly a fun place.

I was waiting for the dinner to start.

"Where are the party hats?" I asked the large Vulcan official, named Shrak. "What games will there be after dinner?"

"Vulcan does not believe in those sort of things." Shrak said coldly, "We supressed those emotions many years ago. Instead, you shall have a bare morsel and then talk about Federation matters."

The whole thing sounded like a politically correct office party that went on in the early 21st Century.

All of the Captains were relieved when it was all over, and we could return to the starships.

The systems were all re-activated, and the EMH carries on speaking; it wasn't exactly flattering to me.

"What happened?" he asks.

"We've switched you back on; it's after Christmas."

"Well that's typical!" he complains, "You switch me off and on whenevner you feel like it. I miss all the interesting things that go on."

Yes, like my trip to Vulcan, I thought.

Data and Jennifer Baxter are back from their trip to the Vega Gambling Resort. Data is wearing a striped uniform with 'FERENGI JAIL' on the back.

"How did you two get on?" I ask.

"Not too well." replies Jennifer, "The Ferengi soon found out we were using Data's positronic brain as we started winning credits. As the tables were obviously fixed, no one is ever supposed to win anything."

"So what happened next?"

"Data was put in the brig, and I had to use all our spending money to get him out. They added they won't press further charges as long as he doesn't say anything about the fixed tables."

Worf has returned from his trip to the Klingon homeworld. He has a large plaster on his face and a bandaged arm.

"Whatever happened to you, Mr Worf? Were you beaten by a tough Klingon warrior?"

"Er, not exactly, sir." he replies, rather hesitatingly, "If you recall, I mentioned that Alexander was getting his first mekleth as a present for the Klingon tradition of this time. Well, he, er, became very enthusiastic with it, and er, accidentally cut me with it."

I try to stop myself laughing.

"If you'll excuse me, sir. I have to visit SickBay for Skin Regeneration."

Deanna and Riker are back from Betazed. Things were a little strained beween the two of them after they left the planet. Riker tells me that both Deanna and her mother Lwaxana tried the 'high pressure' approach in order to get him to ask Deanna to marry him. Lwaxana was so intense that at one stage, Deanna shouted to Riker, "Don't you think that about my mother!"

It's very difficult to think clearly when both one's girlfriend and her mother are telepaths.

However, they both tell me that in the privacy of the shuttle from Betazed, the two made up from their little dispute.

I wonder what that means?

Geordi had to be carried back to his shuttle on the the planet Travolta, where the Disco-A-Go-Go is situated. Trisha Lewis won the Individual Daily Disco Award for her dancing skills easily, but in the pairs, he could not keep up with Trisha, who seems to have to energy of five normal women.

He is now in the SickBay getting an extra-high dosage Adrenalin boost.

Beverly has returned from her dinner with Wes. She tells me how the kitchen was nearly destroyed of the restaurant they went to.

"Fortunately, Wes was able to save us all." Beverly tells me, "It was lucky that he decided to take a look inside the kitchen. It was only a few moments later, when he started moving the dials around, that the ovens threatened to blow up and cause an explosion big enough to wipe out the resaurant and everybody inside. Fortunately, he switched the system off just in time and everybody was all right."

"Yes, it was very lucky he was there, Beverly."

Anywhere Wesley goes is a cue for instant evacuation.

Now that the crew is back, it will be almost time to visit strange new worlds, and go where no one has gone before.

Haven't I heard that line before?


Jana said...

I think we'd all be in trouble if our in-laws or potential in-laws could read our minds!

Welcome back, Captain!

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Yes, one must stretch properly before entering the world of disco. The consequences of not stretching can be quite dire for those unprepared for the challenge of disco.

Trinity13 said...

Ahhh, gotta love Wesley!!!

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Well, we learn from our mistakes.
Sometimes we repeat them, and others, we do them differently.

Wishing you a glorious 2006.

Professor Xavier said...

Isn't Betazoid the planet where everybody walks around naked? I hope Riker did some sit-ups before he went. I'm just saying that he has a bit of a gut.

Nic said...

What???? No mention of dinner between you and Bev? I'm disappointed after the smooth mistletoe move before y'all left.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

I know why Lwaxana Troi wanted Riker to marry Deanna....so she could see him nekkid at the ceremony. Yikes!

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Professor Xavier is in a very catty mood today.

Stationery Queen said...

Welcome back, JLP. Getting ready for 2006? Hey, what's the stardate for the upcoming new year? :-)

craziequeen said...

'it will be almost time to visit strange new worlds, and go where no one has gone before'

Hey Captain - can we come?? :-)


Master Yoda said...

I hear that the traditional garb on Planet Travolta, polyester leisure suits are.

Janet said...

"The whole thing sounded like a politically correct office party that went on in the early 21st Century."

Love it.

Bill said...

Captain, I need an extension of my leave. Too much of this drink they call "Nog". Hope to be vertical later this week.

Shelley said...

Wishing you and yours a safe and happy Christmas and an even better 2006! All the best! Cheers!

Superhero Bob said...

Should have took me with you, Captain...I've been known to cause even the most stoic Vulcans to uhhhhhhh, show emotions...steam coming out of ears...eyes turn red...that kind of thing.

Ciera said...

Doesn't sound like Vulcan was much fun...had to be better than being with Wesley and the kitchen almost blows up!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Professor, people are only naked at the wedding ceremony.

Bonnie, you are a bad girl!

Nic, the dinner is for another time.

Master Yoda, you are right about the traditional garb.

Bob...good luck!

Lt. Cmdr Oneida, one must be prepared for disco. Geordi isn't.

SQ, how should I know that the stardate for 2006 is? I just pick random numbers and everybody seems happy on the ship.

CQ, you're all invited!

Jen said...

Mmm, bare morsels! That sounds fabulous, did you get the recipe?

Glad you're back!

A female voice said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
puremood said...

Welcome back. I hope ya'll have a great New Year!

Minerva said...

I loved this post Captain - it really made me laugh...


Anonymous said...

No New Year party??...LOL

Cheers to the New Year!!!

Lori said...

Whoops....that was me up above anonymous!!!

craziequeen said...

Party for the New Year, Jean-Luc??

[dusts off emotion chip]


Professor Xavier said...

This post should have been titled - "Wesley Saves the Day" or alternatively, "Wesley Almost Destroys a Restaurant." He reminds me of the Three Stooges.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

PM. hope you have a great New Year also.

Minerva, great to hear that.

Professor, is it Larry, Moe or Curly that Wes reminds you of.

CQ, there WILL be a party of sorts. Something about being published now, and the party will be remembered by me on Sunday night.

Running2Ks said...

Why do you keep blaming that cute, sweet boy? LOL! ;)

M. C. Pearson said...

Hilarious Captain...so where was Worf hurt again?

I never did like the FERENGI!

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