Today is not going to be an easy day, I'm chairing a Peace Conference between the Klingons and the Romulans.
Why do they pick me? I'm sure the Federation like to see me suffer. Maybe everyone else is doing their shopping, so the throught "Send Picard!" comes up.
The neutral planet of Argon has been selected for the meeting; there is a friendly non-Federation population there, who will host it while we discuss matters.
I arrive in the meeting room. Worf is there with his security team. He is looking tough, with phasers at the ready.
Fa'Lath, a leading member of the Klingon High Council comes in, acknowledges us, and sits at his place on the table.
Commander Tang of the Romulans walks in and looks over everywhere. He sees Worf.
"What is this!" he says in disgust, "This is supposed to be a neutral meeting, yet you have your Klingon puppet here ready to kill me at any time, Picard."
I can see this isn't going to be a fun time. My head starts throbbing.
"Perhaps, Mr Worf, you would be better positioned on the Enterprise, while your team looks after things here." I suggest.
Worf mutters a few Klingon expletives, and leaves the room.
"That's better! Tang mentions, "Although you and the Klingons have an alliance. It makes me on my own."
"That's true." I say, "But then if you do join us, we'll all be part of the same team."
Fa'Lath agrees with me; I seem to be doing well, now. Starfleet will be pleased.
"Do I REALLY want be on the same side as THIS person?" sneers Tang, "Our two sides have been bitter enemies for a long time. The Klingons need to be punished for all their cowardly actions!"
Oh, dear. That could be classed as a slightly inflammatory remark.
"What are you saying?" shouts Fa'Lath, "Our race has honour and tradition. The Romulans are a cowardly race who claim they have done much but haven't. The is no honour with a Romulan."
Things are starting to go downhill faster than a gold medal skier at the Olympics.
"This is what YOU deserve." Tang tells the Klingon. He picks up the water jug and throws it all over him. The two of them jump over each other and start scrapping.
"What shall we do, Captain?" one of the security guards asks me.
"I don't think there is anything we can do, Ensign." I sadly reply, "Let them have their tussle and then escort them back to their ships. They'll both claim victory and things will be back to the way they were."
It looks like Starfleet will probably send me on a 'How To Be A Peace Negotiator' course before long.