Sunday, December 18, 2005

Peace Conference

Today is not going to be an easy day, I'm chairing a Peace Conference between the Klingons and the Romulans.

Why do they pick me? I'm sure the Federation like to see me suffer. Maybe everyone else is doing their shopping, so the throught "Send Picard!" comes up.

The neutral planet of Argon has been selected for the meeting; there is a friendly non-Federation population there, who will host it while we discuss matters.

I arrive in the meeting room. Worf is there with his security team. He is looking tough, with phasers at the ready.

Fa'Lath, a leading member of the Klingon High Council comes in, acknowledges us, and sits at his place on the table.

Commander Tang of the Romulans walks in and looks over everywhere. He sees Worf.

"What is this!" he says in disgust, "This is supposed to be a neutral meeting, yet you have your Klingon puppet here ready to kill me at any time, Picard."

I can see this isn't going to be a fun time. My head starts throbbing.

"Perhaps, Mr Worf, you would be better positioned on the Enterprise, while your team looks after things here." I suggest.

Worf mutters a few Klingon expletives, and leaves the room.

"That's better! Tang mentions, "Although you and the Klingons have an alliance. It makes me on my own."

"That's true." I say, "But then if you do join us, we'll all be part of the same team."

Fa'Lath agrees with me; I seem to be doing well, now. Starfleet will be pleased.

"Do I REALLY want be on the same side as THIS person?" sneers Tang, "Our two sides have been bitter enemies for a long time. The Klingons need to be punished for all their cowardly actions!"

Oh, dear. That could be classed as a slightly inflammatory remark.

"What are you saying?" shouts Fa'Lath, "Our race has honour and tradition. The Romulans are a cowardly race who claim they have done much but haven't. The is no honour with a Romulan."
Things are starting to go downhill faster than a gold medal skier at the Olympics.

"This is what YOU deserve." Tang tells the Klingon. He picks up the water jug and throws it all over him. The two of them jump over each other and start scrapping.

"What shall we do, Captain?" one of the security guards asks me.

"I don't think there is anything we can do, Ensign." I sadly reply, "Let them have their tussle and then escort them back to their ships. They'll both claim victory and things will be back to the way they were."

It looks like Starfleet will probably send me on a 'How To Be A Peace Negotiator' course before long.

29 comments:

Carmi said...

I admire your determination to essentially mix oil and water. Unless you keep stirring, they eventually return to their stratified, separate state.

Or something like that...

Professor Xavier said...

I certainly wouldn't be too hard on yourself, Captain. If ever their were two species that were designed to not be at peace, it is the Klingons and the Romulans. Their whole society is based on espionage and warfare and without it, they really wouldn't have much of a purpose.

natasha said...

Wow. That is the gaudiest banner I've seen for a while. But, something's missing ... Ah yes! Christmas lights on the Enterprise!

Keep up the good work. ;)

craziequeen said...

[snigger] Christmas lights on the Enterprise....nice one, natasha :-)

cq

M. C. Pearson said...

Too bad they didn't start melting after the water was thrown.

Peacekeeping 101. Been there. Got the patch.

Lori said...

I like the decorating you've done to the place...lol

Send Picard comes up....they know they can count on you!!!

Have a greatday!!!

natasha said...

I couldn't resist following your lead ...

Vegeta said...

well look at it thia s way When the Klingons and Romulans are fighting each other there not fighting you.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Does Commander Tang taste likey a delicious orangey breakfast drink?

Master Yoda said...

A civilized way to settle the differences between the Romulans and Klingons, there is - Pictionary.

Vampirella said...

The enemy of my enemy is my friend


Find a common enemy between the 2.... (wait that would , in the past be starfleet) Nevermind

Nice work capt

Jaime H. said...

Ah, poor Captain! first a kid takes over your bridge, then you get assimilated, and now this. It's just not your year, is it?

Maybe next year will be better.

:)

Jen said...

Oh man! I hope it goes better next time....

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Could have been worse, you could have been on molten planet Boron.

InterstellarLass said...

Nice try. Better luck next time. Pip Pip Cheeri-o and all that what-not.

Running2Ks said...

Well now, there's always the Olympics to watch, LOL

Maybe it is time to do some shopping of your own?

Great way to help them save face, btw.

Jen said...

Thanks for stopping by again today! It's always a pleasure to have you over at my blog.

Sorry, the LDS joke was from before your time on the Enterprise... ;-)

Jabafatboy said...

Tried my hand at them peace negotiations once. Was two Groups Known as Hatfields & MCcoys.

As I remember that didnt turn ot to well either.

puremood said...

I miss visiting you, Jean-Luc... I've been so busy with life and barely do good to keep my own site moving LOL!! But, wanted to stop by and say hello.

Merry Christmas.

Maryellen said...

if you are not too busy, could you find a tempral variance and visit the navajo indian reservation december 2005...need a good peace negotiator to work out a conflick between two warring brothers...and they aren't even indians or alians or anything...love your site.

Jaime H. said...

Thanks for the comments you left on my blog!! (I replied to them over there.)

Trinity13 said...

Good try Capt! Maybe next time!!!

-xtessa- said...

hey mon capitan! i've been MIA lately due to work-related issues but now, i'm done! woohoo! just dropping by to say hi and promise that i'll be visiting more often... so sorry i missed the xmas party!

Captain Berk said...

I went on one of those courses once. I was thrown out because I punched the co-ordinator when he suggested I couldn't be peacefull.

I told him that i've seen more hostile action in the bedroom than he's seen on the battlefield, and that experience counts for more than any manual can teach you.

Ciera said...

Klingons and Romulans are never a good mix.

Jana said...

Love the Christmas decorations!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Perhaps I'm not cut out for negtiations..in ANY time zone. The Klingons & Romulans are not the sort who want to be buddies.

Pictionary is an innovative way, Master Yoda. One would always accuse the other of cheating, though.

Xtessa, good to have you with us again.

Christmas lights on the Enterprise might not have been a bad idea!

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