Everything seems pretty much run-of-the-mill so far. After an interminable conference, I'm coming back to the Enterprise in a shuttlecraft.
Time to eat a few sandwiches.
Suddenly, the whole vehicle is rocking as if it's ran out of dilithium crystals. Maybe I should have filled it up at the last Starbase?
I realise it's not that, and that there is a split in space we are going through...
Everything goes multicoloured, as if it is a New Years Eve disco party in Ten Forward.
Then I see the Enterprise and go towards it.
Hello. Has Riker done a paint job on it while I've been away?
On the side is a giant picture of a planet with a dagger through it.
Not exactly what I'd have selected for a design.
When I board, I am greeted by familiar, but sinister figures.
Riker puts his arm to his chest and then forward. He also has a scar down the right side of his face and one eye missing.
Did he have an argument with Worf again during Poker Night?
All the staff salute like he did.
Deanna holds on to Riker lovingly. She is wearing very, very low slung trousers and a micro top. She has about ten inches of midriff showing, with a small tattoo showing that dagger symbol.
"Which race shall we conquer and destroy now, Captain?" Riker asks?
"Err....let me think about that, Number One?"
He looks puzzled.
"Captain, we have to do these things for the Empire!"
"Yes, Number One. You'll hear from me shortly."
He looks disgusted.
On the way to my quarters, I suddenly see LaForge spring up before me. He is dressed in black, and holding a knife. He also has some phasers and disruptors in his pocket.
"Now you shall die, Captain. Commander Riker has told me it is time for him to be Captain, and as his Chief Assassin, I have been given the pleasure of ending your life."
He is about to do the deed when he is grabbed from behind by Worf, who carries him to an airlock. Once LaForge is inside, he presses another button, and Geordi flies off into space.
A very direct method of ending a problem.
Worf turns to me.
"You really must be more careful, Captain. though I am your Personal Bodyguard, you should not put yourself in difficult situations. Riker and his men want to kill you so he can assume command. Troi may kill you as well."
"Deanna?" I ask. "Why should she?"
Worf looks bewildered, "As she has the position of First Officer's Woman, she will naturally want Riker to go further. Be careful, Captain."
"Worf, I think this is a mirror universe. I'm not the Captain you had before. Talk to Data and see if he can analyse what's happened and reverse it."
He looks sceptical, but agrees.
I enter my quarters.
Beverly enters. She has low-slung trousers and a micro-top, as all the Enterprise women do here. Her red hair is down, she has a pierced navel and that dagger tattoo.
"Welcome back, Jean-Luc." she says, and kisses me full on the lips.
"I try to take my position as Captain's Woman very seriously", she seductively says.
Ah well, I guess I can stay in the mirror universe a little while longer.
I wonder what the mirror Picard is doing on my Enterprise?