Monday, July 18, 2005

Borg Recruitment Notice



I'm sorry to interrupt your usual reading, but we have installed this special recruiting message in all journals.

Have you ever thought of joining the Borg?

Yes, I know we've had a bad press, and our invasion of Earth and the battle of Wolf 359 was rather hasty.

We're just asking for a chance to put our past problems behind us, wipe the slate clean and start again.

Here are all the wonderful advantages you will receive as a new drone on a Borg Cube.

FREE cybernetic implants!

FREE assimilation!

Your own customised choice of designation within a specified group. If you want to be Sixteen Of 25, it's yours!

You have the chance to fly in an advanced state-of-the-art Borg Cube with transwarp technology. Far superior than anything else around today.

If you are a member of a race we haven't assimilated before, then you get extra-special VIP treatment. You will be looked after especially by myself, so we can 'get to know you'.

If you are on your own, think of all the friends you'll be making! Millions of voices all in the Collective waiting to meet you and be part of them. Where else can you get such universal friendship?

There have been a few troublemakers around; we need your help to get them out of the way so we can enjoy Borg dominat...I mean harmony. Species 8472 will not be friends with us.

Can you help us wipe them out?

Don't dismiss this lightly. Think about it. Talk to your family and ask them to come along. We do a special 'family assimilation' session. Lots of fun for all!

Thank you for your time and patience; if after this, you're still not quite sure, just remember the company motto.

Resistance Is Futile.


MommaK said...

Hmmmmmm...I'll have to think about it. I'm just not sure I want to look that slimy. Can I just pass out pamphlets or something??

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Hmmmmmm...I kinda dig earth, and I have pretty nice skin and hair and would hate to give it up to look all odd and hairless. Can I pass out pamphlets with MommaK?

-xtessa- said...

LOL! so nice of the Borg to ask first before they assimilate... but no thanks. i've got enough voices in my head.;)

Chris W. said...

As intriguing as the offer is, I think I'll pass this one up. From what I had seen and heard, the 'bad press' as you call it was well justified, seeing as you made other 'hasty' attempts at dominati... err, gaining new members/friends. By the way, how'd you like what "future" Kathryn Janeway did to you recently? Working with her present self, the good captain and crew (U.S.S. Voyager) kicked your borgified gluteus to the far edge of the Delta quadrant! Just goes to show you that feisty individuality will always beat a boring unified mind. Ha! (BTW, Lt. Thomas Paris of the aforementioned Voyager can fly circles around your superb, state-of-the-art cubes!)

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Borg Queen's got a Butter Face.
As in "She's got a nice body, butter face is pretty freakin' ugly."

Bill said...

You say "species 8472." I say "mujahadeen terrorist." I guess everyone must deal with unfriendly people in their own way. Tell ya what, Borgie. When I'm done dealing with my problem I'll give you some tips on how to deal with yours, but I will NOT be assimilated. :P

Nic said...

Gee, and I could get to look like a lizard lady too? I'll pass. Thanks but no.

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

i haven't thought about joining but i did notice they have free assimilation and you did mention that you thought i needed to be assimilated, so i'll have to give this some serious thought

Angel of Music said...

OMG - millions of friends? I'm already behind on letter writing. Thanks - but I'll pass. This is not something an introvert is interested in. Nope. Not at all.

Think I'll go back into my dungeon of black dispair and thank my lucky stars no one knows I'm there.

War Eagle said...

One of your best posts yet. Jean-Luc u are a comic genius sir.

dddragon said...


Master Yoda said...

A good dental plan and 401K do you have?

Trinity13 said...

Since seven of 9 has left the collective, can I have that number?

J Anderson said...

I'll join! I'm putting this on my blog!

Anakin Skywalker said...

I have a roboclaw. Does that mean I'm part borg already?

The Borg Queen said...

MommaK, JerseyGirl, you have been drafted in to pass the pamphlets.

Xtessa, I'm sure we could persuade you....

Chris, you've shot straight to the top in our 'to be assimilated' list.

Jon, you're second.

Bill, 'I will not be assimilated' is usually the last thing a person says before they are,

Nic, you sound as if you're thinking about it...

Better Safe, we'll be glad to have you.

Angel, with millions of voices in your head, you won't need to do any letter writing.

War Eagle, why are you praising Locutus of Borg? I wrote the post.

Dddragon, reluctantly, he is still on the Enterprise.

Yoda, of course we have a dental plan. We always repair each other.

Trinity, you are now Seven of Nine. Congratulations.

J Anderson, you are assimilated.

Anakin, yes you are. Which designation number would you like?

trusty getto said...

I am thinking of a new job, actually.

Do you have a try-it-to-see-if-you-like-it plan? I'd like to see if the outfit looks good on me before committing, you see . . .

Anakin Skywalker said...

Um, how 'bout somethin like... 6 of 6?

turboslut said...

Can you promise me the body of 7 of 9 if I join?

Robin said...


The Borg Queen said...

Trusty, of course you can try and see if you like it; believe me, once someone's been assimilated, they never want to go back.

Anakin, I believe that designation is available.

Turboslut, a lot of male enquirers have asked that question.

Mykol said...

Are bats asimmilated too?

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Anonymous said...

its tempting i think i will take it