I'm in my office right now, reading the latest issue of The Enterprise Enquirer. It's the scandal-full publication that circulates the ship.
Let's see what's in it this week:
'JLP 4 BC?' Rumours are around that JLP, an important member of the crew has a 'CRUSH' on BC. He can't get to know her enough because of her annoying son WC.
'WR's Secret Girl' It's strongly thought that WR has been enjoying secret assignations with DT whenever possible. What WR, who has an overwhelming ambition to have JLP's position doesn't know is that whenever he goes for a conference, DT spends a lot of time with W!
'GLF's Vacation' GLF, who had a recent vacation on Rigel IV, has been 'selling things' in the area where his hotel was. It was noted that his large suitcase had a lot of Latium on his return.
'D's Dress Code' One of the members of the crew, D has been dressing very oddly lately. He dresses in a 19th Century deerstalker hat, smokes a pipe and says "Elementary". His friend GLF joins him a lot; he may be dressing up just to humour him.
'Men beware..LT is around!' LT, an Ambassador for her home planet B, is using her role to hunt down for a new husband. She is the mother of DT, and once considered JLP as a prospective candidate. If the person she she's doesn't suit herself, she will introduce him to her daughter.
'JLP's Vacation With WC' It's been thought that JLP, who was forced to go on a boat vacation with WC tried to drill holes in WC's cabin! He later realised he was drilling into his own cabin and nearly flooded it out.
Who wries these pieces in 'The Enterprise Enquirer?'
These are all lurid stories, that are completely untrue. Who are the paper referring to in their stories; they never say.
A group of initials will never help!
I guess I'll never know who the stories are talking about.